Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex-Boyfriend or Husband? 15 Possible Explanations

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex-Boyfriend or Husband? 15 Possible Explanations

Whether you have been broken up with your ex for a while, or you only broke up with them recently, dreams about them can bring back so many emotions. It can stir up unresolved emotions you feel for this person and be deeply confusing. 

The good news is, you're not alone going through this. Dreaming of an ex is extremely common, and it doesn't have to mean that you're not over them or you should run straight back into their arms. Also, if you are in a new relationship, you don't need to be concerned that you're unfaithful by dreaming of an ex. 

There can be a myriad of reasons as to why we dream about our exes, and the majority of the time they don't have anything to do with our ex. They might represent things about ourselves. 

So, I have put this article together to not only reassure you but to help you understand why you are having these dreams.

First, think about what is happening with your ex in these dreams.

What your dream means depends on what's happening in your dream, especially when it comes to dreaming of your ex. What you need to do is pick apart the dream. Of course, you dreamt of your ex, but what happened between the two of you in the dream? 

You will benefit from recording your dreams. The best way to record your dreams is to have a dream journal at the side of your bed so that when you wake up after the dream, you can immediately write down what happened. The majority of us will remember significant dreams but will usually forget what happened in them after several minutes of waking up.

So, grab yourself a notebook, and start to journal about your dreams. Then, once you have realized what happened in the dream, we can break down the meaning of it better.

1. If you dreamt that you had sex with your ex…

The most obvious meaning could be that you miss having sex with your ex. Maybe your sex together was out of this world, and you're just feeling nostalgic about it. This can be really common is the relationship didn't end on bad terms, or the relationship was never toxic. In this situation, there doesn't need to be any bad feelings about this. My advice would be to just enjoy the dream and move on. 

However, if your relationship was toxic or ended severely, dreaming about having sex with this person could mean that you are finally coming to peace with your relationship. It might be showing you, that through this intimate act, you have forgiven them for whatever they did to you. It's beneficial to ask yourself how you feel about this person after the dream. Do you feel better? If so, your dream has probably made this possible for you.

It's important to say that even if you are in a new relationship, sex dreams about your ex can happen. If you have this dream once in a while, there is no reason to worry or feel like you're unfaithful. 

However, if these dreams are a common occurrence, it could be a red flag. Your mind might be going back to your previous relationship for reasons like the sex was more pleasurable with that person. This might mean you need to start questioning if your current relationship is satisfying you. 

2. If you dreamt about getting back with your ex…

Of course, this could be taken literally if you actually do miss them and you want to get back with your ex. If this is the case and you have recognized it, this will be something you need to work on before you can move forward. 

If you are continuously having thoughts and dreams about your ex, this can be detrimental to moving on with your life and opening yourself to love. It might be beneficial for you to seek counseling.

However, if you have absolutely no desire to go back to your ex in your waking life, then this dream will actually be representing something much more meaningful about you and your life moving forward.

It could mean that you are going through a significant change in your current relationship or your life. It will be showing you how far you have come since you were with this previous partner. It actually might feel therapeutic to reflect on how much you have changed, or your life may have improved since you were with this person.

3. If you dreamt that your ex is breaking up with you…

This can mean two very different things depending on how recently you broke up with that person. 

Firstly, if you have recently broken up with that person, you will probably be replaying this in your head because you are still holding on to it. It will be trauma that your mind is still hanging on to.

It might replay in your dreams in many different ways, perhaps how you would have liked it to go or what you wish you had said at that moment. You need to work on letting this go, or these dreams will keep haunting your sleep. 

However, if you have been broken up with your ex for a while and you would confidently say that you are over it, then this will symbolize something completely different. It might represent something in your waking life that you feel is breaking up with you or leaving you. For example, have you been turned down for a job or has your best friend just moved to a different city? 

Anything like this can bring up memories of when you were breaking up with an ex because it can hurt similarly.

4. If you dreamt that you were fighting with your ex…

This could be less about your ex, but more about a conflict that you are facing yourself. This can firstly mean that you do not love yourself enough – in the dream you are quite literally having to fight for yourself and defend yourself.

This could be a big reminder that you need to be kinder to yourself and love yourself more. When was the last time you took yourself on a date or said something kind to yourself? This dream can encourage you to indulge in some self-love.

If you're already a self-love expert, then this dream could have another meaning. In this case, it could be representative of conflict happening in your waking life.

It's essential to think about what is happening for you at the moment. There will most likely be a situation or a person who is boiling your blood in real life and will, therefore, be bringing out similar feelings to those you have experienced in the dream.

5. If you dreamt that your ex is with someone else…

As heart-wrenching as this can be, especially if the relationship ended recently, this can be a perfect sign that you are moving on.

It shows you that you are coming to peace with the fact that your ex is moving on, and so should you. You will have grown away from your past, and it can show that you will have learned lessons from that relationship. 

This type of dream about our ex can come up at any time, and even if you think that you were already over them, there might have been some unresolved feelings. So, don't be surprised if you broke up with your ex and moved on years ago, this dream might still come up out of nowhere.

It's vital that when you wake up from the dream, you assess how you are feeling. If you think that you have finally let go of any bad feelings and you've forgiven them, this is special and signals how you are fully ready to move on.

It also shows that you acknowledge your ex will move on with someone else, and you can do the same.

6. If you dreamt that you were missing your ex…

If you are single, this can mean that you are missing something in your life. It doesn't necessarily mean that you miss your relationship with that specific individual. You are quite merely feeling a void in your life that your ex in this dream is representing.

In this sense, it doesn't have to mean that you are just missing a romantic relationship; it could be representing any situation in which you feel like you are missing out. You could feel like you're not getting enough support or time from your friends, or even that you aren't getting enough praise in your job. It shows that you need to have something to ”fill you up”.

If you are in a relationship, this kind of dream can be an essential representative of what is lacking in your relationship. Perhaps you are missing intimacy in your relationship, or quite simply you just feel that you haven't been spending enough time together. 

It might be useful to have a good look at your relationship and see what you think is missing because clearly, your subconscious is telling you that something important is missing.

7. If you dreamt that you and your ex had children…

Of course, possibly you and your ex do have children together, but if you do not, then this can be a particularly terrifying dream. However, it's not actually about children or wanting to procreate with this person. 

The reason for this dream could be the fact that your creativity is linked with your ex-partner. So, the children are representing your creativity and your ideas, not actual children, so don't panic!

If you associate your creativity with them, or the life you had when you were together with them, then this dream could show up when you have just started a business, pitched a new project to work colleagues or decided to change your profession. 

Therefore, you can feel happy that you have had this dream because it means that the creative person in you has been triggered and your subconscious can't wait to release it.

Of course, you will associate creativity with yourself soon and won't have dreams about your ex, but it's not a big deal that they are associated with it now. It's a really positive dream. It's the birth of your ideas.

8. If you dreamt that you saw a really old ex…

If you dreamt about seeing or talking to someone in a dream who was not a recent ex and merely someone you kissed or flirted with years ago, this could be a representation that you miss how you were feeling at that time in your life.

So, if you are confused as to why you had a random dream about a crush you had when you were 16 years old, it could be because you miss how you felt at this time. Did you feel like you had a lot of freedom or happiness at the time? Do you miss the feeling of being young and carefree? This could be in the relationship you shared with this ex, or in general about at that time in your life. 

Think deeply about how you felt when you had a connection with this person. Whatever you felt at that time seems to be missing in your life now. 

So, this might suggest that you are feeling trapped or unhappy in your life or relationship at the moment. If this rings true to you, there are steps you can take to feel happier in your relationship or life. 

9. If you dreamt that your ex was kind to you…

If you dreamt about meeting your ex and they were exceptionally kind to you, this can seem like a really nice dream. Everything went smoothly and surely that's a good thing. 

It certainly is a positive thing in one respect. It can be symbolic of the fact that there are no bad feelings between both of you. If the relationship ended badly, this type of dream could be particularly soothing. It shows that whatever damage that you both did to each other, now it is all ok. 

My advice would be that even though it might seem like a great idea to get in touch and tell them you want to remain friends now it's all blown over with you, it is probably not a good idea to get in touch with them. Just because they seemed so kind in your dream, they might not have come to the same kind of awakening, and they might still feel anger or unresolved feelings towards you. Getting in contact with them could ruin the closure that you have just experienced through the dream.

There could also be another meaning behind this dream, and it could be that you miss certain qualities about them. Perhaps your ex was extremely kind, or fun. Maybe you miss these qualities in your life or your current partner. It could be a sign that you need to start allowing some more joy or kindness into your life now.

10. If you dreamt about your ex dying or that you were killing your ex…

Now, this one does sound a little psychopathic but rest assured this is a widespread dream and its nothing to get worried about. In the dream, either your ex can die, or you can be killing them. Both of these dreams will have the same meaning, but if you kill them in the relationship, it shows that you have taken charge of the situation.

So, first things first, hopefully, you don't actually want to kill your ex. This is surprisingly actually a really positive dream, even though you might wake up feeling slightly terrified at what your subconscious mind has conjured up.

It's a symbolic way of showing that you have taken power into your own hands and decided to cut ties with your ex, and any anger or upset that might have been associated with them. By killing these negative feelings that you associated with this person, it allows you to move forward in a more precise way. It is a form of healing yourself.

If you have felt like your previous relationship damaged you in some way, you can now go forward into the world of love with a clean slate. You will be holding no negative feelings going forward.

11. If you dreamt that your ex is killing you…

Once again, this one is scary, and not precisely what you will want to be dreaming about. The meaning of this dream is distinctively different from the dream mentioned above, where you are killing your ex, or they die. If you dream that your ex is trying to kill you, this can represent that they killed off something inside you while you were breaking up.

To decipher what they killed in you, you need to think about what hurt the most in the breakup and what has stayed with you. Maybe they murdered your self-confidence from putting you down so much? Perhaps they killed your trust because they cheated on you?

If you can figure out what part of you they killed off, you can then decide that this is what the dream was representing for you. After you have found out what they killed off in you, you can start moving forward and working on whatever it is that they destroyed.

So, you can see this dream as a positive one. It is sparking healing within you and encourage you to work on yourself.

12. If you dreamt that you were living with your ex…

If you have a dream where you and your ex-partner are living together, in a relationship, this can be seen as your subconscious warning you that you are making the same mistakes in your life as you did when you were with them. 

It could also signal that in your waking life, you are experiencing someone or something that is making you feel how your ex did when they left, or when things got bad – unhappy and anxious.

To move forward after having this dream, it’s a good idea to have a good look at what is happening in your life for you at the moment. You could be experiencing problems within your current relationship, or with friends and family. The quicker you can address this issue, the faster you can resolve it. Therefore, these strange dreams of being back with your ex will hopefully disappear.

13.  If you dreamt that your abusive ex was beating you up…

This dream usually will only apply if you were in a physically abusive relationship. However, it can also be a physical representation of a mentally abusive relationship too.

If you are dreaming that you are still getting beaten up by your ex, this can be a sign of PTSD from carrying the trauma with you. It can take people that have been in abusive relationships years and years to recover. The best thing to do is to seek professional help through a therapist or counselor. However, even after this kind of support, these reminders and dreams can still exist.

However, you have to realize that even though you have left an abusive relationship and the person who was abusing you, you are now the one beating yourself up psychologically. 

You need to understand that although after leaving an abusive relationship, there are bound to be hard times and it will take a lot to recover, you do not deserve this. If these dreams are becoming more frequent, or you find they are consistently showing up while you sleep, I would advise to talk it through with a professional. 

14. If you dreamt that your ex was rejecting you…

This type of dream can be particularly emotionally stressful, especially if the break up was recent between the two of you. However, this dream can be interpreted in a positive manner that can help you to move forward.

Firstly, there are two very separate parts of this dream. 

The first part is the fact that in the dream you are telling your ex how much you want to be with them and how much you love them. This can firstly mean that you are safely expressing any emotions you still have for them.

In a dream is the best way to be able to tell someone how you feel – because it’s not real, so you don’t hold back. In this respect, you can safely tell your ex exactly what you think about them. It can be great for you to be able to express all the feelings that you otherwise in real life would have held back and repressed. 

The second part of the dream is rejection. Of course, just like if it was in real life, this can hurt. No one wants to be rejected, not even in a dream. However, the rejection from your ex in the dream will make sure you understand the reality of the break up between you both. 

It can be said that whatever your ex is saying to you in the dream is yourself, telling you what to do. You are speaking to yourself. You are essentially telling yourself what you would probably say to a friend in this situation. If in the dream your ex is rejecting you by saying, “it will never work, I don’t want to get back with you” then you can see this as yourself speaking – you don’t think it will work and you don’t want to get back with them.

It can be an oddly empowering dream, once you know the meaning behind it.

15. If you’ve dreamt about a recent ex…

If your breakup happened very recently, it would be very common to have dreams that will feature your ex-partner. Not only has it been routine for you to think about them pretty much always, but your dreams will be trying to help you raise questions about the breakup, your relationship, and yourself. Any of the types of dreams mentioned above might come up. 

Your subconscious mind is trying to help you heal and move on. Once you have listened to what your brain is trying to tell you, not only will it be easier to move forward, but the dreams about this person will also cease to exist. Therefore signaling that you are moving on, and so your mind will be occupied by them much less.

Conclusion

I hope that with the help of this article you are feeling a little better about the reasons you will be dreaming of your ex. The truth is that these dreams have a lot less to do with them, and a lot more to do with you or your life now.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

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