What To Do When He Pulls Away (7 Effective Steps To Get Him Back.)

What To Do When He Pulls Away (7 Effective Steps To Get Him Back)

There’s nothing quite as distressing as the man you love pulling away from you and becoming distant and reclusive. You’ll find yourself stressing and wide awake at all hours of the night wondering what went wrong and what you can do to bring him back to you.

There are all sorts of reasons why he might be pulling away and you ought to consider these before you jump to the assumption that he doesn’t like you anymore. 

It’s important to approach this situation carefully to avoid overwhelming him and pushing him further away from your relationship. You must respect his feelings above all else. If you tell him he’s behaving badly or that how he feels is wrong, then it’s likely that you’ll convince him further that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. If you want to keep him close, you have to help him navigate his way through this tricky phase as his friend rather than as his overbearing girlfriend. 

Don’t Stress.

The first thing you have to do when you notice that he’s pulling away from you and your relationship is to leave the stress out of it. You don’t need the worry in your life and it won’t help him to feel any better any sooner. Understand that this isn’t immediately a sign that your relationship is ending, there are all sorts of reasons why he might be acting a little distant and all of them are more likely to be the case than your worst fears. Your paranoid mind will be telling you it’s because he doesn’t like you anymore, but there are so many other more likely reasons. 

When a person feels stressed they tend to remove themselves from their social lives and if they aren’t big talkers then they’ll probably become quite closed off. If your boyfriend isn’t the type to always talk about his feelings straight away then it wouldn’t a big surprise to hear that he’s pulling away to work through some of his own personal issues – none of which have anything to do with you. He could be concerned by his own family matters, or health, work or school. 

Remember that everyone goes through troubles and difficulties that we’d rather navigate alone, you’ve probably had your own in the past too. Don’t jump to the worst conclusions just yet, you’ll only stress yourself out at a time when you would benefit more from staying level-headed. 

Give Him Space.

It’s important that if he needs to think, you absolutely have to let him. Put it this way, if you don’t let him think it through you’re more likely to lose him than ever. He needs clarity in his mind and if you cloud him with panic and endless questions you’ll just be giving him cause to end the relationship. If you overwhelm him with your concerns when he’s trying to process things that don’t include you, you’ll probably only work your way to becoming one of his troubles anyway. Don’t dig yourself a hole you can’t get out of. 

Let him call the shots, even if that means letting him go off-grid for a little while. If he wants to stay in contact, that’s great! If he wants to reduce it, roll with it. Let him have the time to explore his own thoughts. After a few days of silence or limited contact, ask him how he is. After some genuine space and respect for how he feels, he might be more open to the idea of discussing what’s been going on with him.

If you give him the space to work through his issues, you might also find that there is the added benefit of making him miss you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, use that. When he isn’t being overwhelmed with your worries and demands to know how he feels, he might start to realize he doesn’t like to be without you and choose to bring you back, closer than ever.

Take a look at this video which will teach you a little more about why and how to make him miss you.

How To Give Him Space So That He Misses You And Comes Back | VixenDaily Love Advice

Take The Time To Focus On You.

Relationships can be all-consuming and leave little time to pursue your own dreams and goals. Take this little time out as an opportunity to develop your own skills and discover yourself. It’s good to work on your own personality and traits and maybe learn some new things about yourself, new things which could even improve your relationship. You never know, you might discover a key to helping him feel better, or learn how to be more supportive. 

It’s never attractive to be clingy or overbearing and you’re likely to be pushing him further away if you overwhelm him or demand more than he can give at the time. What is attractive is being aloof and relaxed towards the situation. Often, we find we want what we can’t have, so try not to give it all to him on a platter. If he thinks you’ll do anything for him, then he’ll feel comfortable staying away for as long as he wants without any concern for your feelings. Show him that you’re calm and collected and he’ll be begging for you to come back 

Distract yourself with hobbies and friends and your own work or school. Improve yourself before you sacrifice everything for him, you’re a whole person and you don’t need to be waiting on his every word. Show yourself that you can be your best self with or without him and in turn, you’ll feel less afraid at the idea that he might leave. It’s a cycle – if you stay calm, you’ll have nothing to worry about in the first place. 

Don’t Check His Social Media.

Stay away from checking up on him, it’s an unhealthy route to take and will never lead to anywhere good. We all know how hard it can be to go without talking to the person you love – wondering about what they might be up to, how they might be feeling and whether they’re still interested in you at all. Take it from me, it’s never going to be helpful to see what they’re posting online. 

We have this secret hope that we see that they’re miserable, posting sad photos of the rain or writing out quotes about heart-break, but the reality is that nobody posts things like that – we only want to publicize the best of ourselves. When you check his accounts, you’ll probably see pictures of him hanging out with his friends or statuses about frivolous things that have nothing to do with you. This will inevitably make you feel upset and probably cause you to wonder about your importance to him. Steer clear of this online world altogether, no one posts about the truth, you’ll only start to feel paranoid.

As painful as it might seem, you also ought to consider life without him. If this really is the end of your time together, you would be doing yourself a favor by breaking the habit of a lifetime – social media stalking – before it’s too late. After all, you don’t want to be checking up on him if your relationship ends. You owe it yourself to accept the unknown and trust him to navigate this situation alone without doing anything you might need to check up on. 

Take a look at this hilarious video about stalking your ex on social media!

5 Stages Every Girl Goes Through When Stalking Her Ex On Social Media

Be Open-Minded.

When it comes to the time when he might finally want to share his thoughts and feelings with you and repair the damage done, it’s important that you stay open-minded about what he has to say. If he finally wants to be honest with you, the last thing you should do is shut him down on account of not liking what he has to say. Chances are, he knew you wouldn’t like it – that’s why he kept his problems such a secret. Let him know from the outset that you will accept anything he has to say, so he knows he can be as honest as he needs without fear of hurting you or causing more problems. 

Let him come to you and make him feel secure in the knowledge that you are his partner and supporter, not someone who is going to blame him or judge him. If his concerns are with something other than you, let him use you as a shoulder to cry on. Sandwich. Do you best to see this situation from his point of view and while you might not agree with his choices or you find yourself siding with someone else muddle up in the conflict, make sure he knows that you support and respect him. After all, you do only want him to be happy, right? If something is getting him down or causing him stress, you should want that to be resolved in the best way possible. 

Make sure you listen before anything else. Let him flow and speak his mind without your own opinions preventing him from getting everything out. It can be tempting to interrupt him, especially if you don’t like what he has to say or you think he’s getting it wrong, but this will only make him frustrated and unhappy to talk to you. 

Decide What You’re Willing To Put Up With.

Although this is his problem and he’s pulling away from you, you ought to have a think about what it is that you’re willing to stand for and what is a line crossed for you. You’ll allow him to call the shots and make his own choices, but only to an extent. There is no need to sacrifice your own standards or sanity just to let him work out his own problems – especially if he isn’t even sharing them with you. 

Evaluate your priorities and what you require of him. Are you okay with long term radio silence or do you have a time limit on what you can accept? A lot of us wouldn’t be okay with our boyfriends disappearing for “thinking” time for more than a few days. It’s okay to demand higher standards, it’s a simple question of respect. If he respects you and your feelings, he won’t leave you in the lurch for too long. 

Especially if he insists he wants to stay together, he has to open up sooner rather than later. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is sulking and shutting other people out. You don’t deserve to left out in the cold for long. If he continues to want to pull away but doesn’t want you to leave him, you have to consider whether he might just be acting selfishly. You deserve to feel loved and wanted deeply and if your boyfriend isn’t showing this, then you should be wondering if he’s right for you. It may feel mean, especially if he’s dealing with some personal troubles, but you can’t allow it to hurt your own health. If you aren’t getting what you deserve, even after waiting it out and giving him everything he might want, you should start to think about cutting your losses. 

Reignite The Flame.

If you’ve made it through the rough patch and you’ve resolved the problems you were facing, you’re probably now going to be wondering how to put the pieces back together and get back to where you were. It’s not going to be easy, but it is possible. If your love is deep and committed, there’s nothing you can’t bounce back from. As long as the issue is completely behind you, you’re totally free to move forward and start a new chapter together. 

Try to let this new phase be natural and evolve on its own. It’s understandable that we’d want to throw ourselves into the relationship and try to force each other to feel the same as you did before things got a little difficult, but that’s not how it works in the real world. There will be residual issues of trust or insecurity lingering and if you overlook it you’ll probably only be forced to face them when it’s too late. 

Take things back to the beginning and date again. Don’t expect to feel in love and “normal” again in an instant, love grows over time with other parts like trust and security. Show each other that you’re devoted still and you’ll be back where you want to be in no time. Be patient, it’ll happen. 

Watch this quick video with tips and stages to take back your relationship and reignite the spark!

7 Ways to Bring The Spark Back In A Relationship

Conclusion.

If you liked this list or found it helpful in your own situation, let us know! Leave a comment!

It’s so tough to know what to do when the person you like, or even love, starts to pull away becomes cold or distant. Chances are, they’re only dealing with their own personal issues and their behavior has nothing to do with you or your relationship – but it’s hard to convince yourself of this. Our first instinct is to take it personally and fear for the end of your romance. p

It’s so important to keep yourself cool and calm when you’re working through your boyfriend pulling away. There’s nothing more unsettling to a person who is trying to create space than being overwhelmed with questions and demands. Give him the time to come back to you and you won’t be sorry – whatever the outcome. Know that you deserve to be treated well and you don’t need to wait around for him. Set your boundaries and hold him to high standards, if he doesn’t want to share his feelings for long periods at a time and he falls right off the grid, remember that you deserve better. 

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