What To Do If Your Boyfriend Won’t Talk Or Is Mad At You

Is your boyfriend ignoring your texts and calls? Is your boyfriend mad at you for some reason?

In relationships, things can be complicated, which leads to mistakes, fights, and other issues. We’ve all been there.

This is an important topic because you will inevitably get into an argument with your boyfriend. I’ve been in your place. I have wondered why my boyfriend won’t talk to me too!

I put this article together to help all of you out there who are trying to figure this out and need a little bit of help.

Think of some possibilities.

You might already know the answer to why your boyfriend is mad at you or won’t talk to you. If not, you can try to figure it out. It’s important that you do not come to any conclusions on your own. Simply come up with a few ideas.

You might get some ideas by reading through your messages with him. Did you say anything potentially hurtful? Did you say something that would have made him mad at you? Consider some of your messages that might have been misinterpreted.

Is your boyfriend just busy? Maybe he had some plans and forgot to mention them to you. Perhaps he’s just taking a nap.

​Being aware of what could be going on can be helpful when he responds to you. There’s no need to mention all of the possibilities to him. This will help so you aren’t surprised when he decides to talk about whatever is wrong.

Avoid making assumptions.

Making assumptions about your boyfriend’s feelings will only make the situation worse. You really don’t know what he might be dealing with. It isn’t your place to come up with an answer.

I totally understand why you might want to guess. Having ideas about what could be wrong is okay. Coming to a conclusion about what you think happened is taking it too far. Assumptions will likely make the conflict even worse.

As you come up with ideas, consider whether they are true possibilities or not. Then you can also decide whether you’re making assumptions.

Think about how you might feel if people started coming up with reasons for your words or actions without knowing any of the facts. Most people wouldn’t be thrilled with that situation, and your boyfriend wouldn’t be either.

Additionally, if you come up with an assumption, you might become angrier or worked up about it. These added emotions won’t be useful when it comes time to have a discussion.

Make sure he’s okay.

This will be hard to do because he isn’t replying to you. If your boyfriend isn’t replying for more than a day or two, it’s a good idea to ask someone for help.

For example, you might be able to text one of his friends to see if they can get ahold of him.

In this situation, you should be concerned about his safety mostly. I understand that you want to talk to him, but you also should make sure he isn’t hurt or sick.

Keep in mind that your boyfriend might get even more upset with you for trying to check in on him. This puts you in a tough spot. You want to be sure that he isn’t seriously in danger, but you don’t want to make him mad.

In my opinion, I would rather know he is okay. This might make him a little upset with me, but at least I would know he’s safe. Think about your boyfriend specifically though.

Ask your friends for advice.

There are plenty of good pieces of advice online that can help you in situations like these. Unfortunately, I do not know you personally. I don’t know anything about your relationship or your personality.

Your friends know you. They can offer additional guidance to help you communicate with your boyfriend.

They might even be able to help you figure out what you potentially did wrong (if anything).

Respect your boyfriend and your relationship by taking caution with the information that you disclose. Asking for advice does not mean that you get to spill all the details or talk bad about your boyfriend.

Try to stay neutral or positive, even if you’re mad at him. This will help you to only share the necessary details and leave out the messier things.

If your friends don’t know exactly what to do to help you out, just ask them to be there to support you. Hang out with them to take your mind off of the situation.

Ask his friends for advice.

Your friends will be able to give you general advice about your boyfriend, but his friends know him best. They can give you ideas based on his personality and his tendencies.

It’s extremely important to be cautious of what you’re telling his friends about the situation. Your relationship is private and it should be respected.

Your boyfriend may get even more upset if you give his friends too much information. Keep things general to the best of your abilities.

Your boyfriend’s friends might offer to contact him on your behalf. You can agree to this, but be careful. Perhaps you could ask them to just tell your boyfriend that you need to talk to him about this.

Make sure you have at least tried to communicate with your boyfriend. It can be immature to ask someone else to contact your boyfriend so that you don’t have to.

I’ve been asked to talk to my friends’ boyfriends before to find out why they’re mad. This isn’t the best move because my friends decided to involve other people (me) in their relationship issues.

Give him some space.

It can seem impossible to leave your boyfriend alone when you just want to figure out what is going on.

This guy suggests letting your boyfriend contact you when he’s ready. You shouldn’t keep texting him and bothering him. You need to be patient.

I understand that this is hard to do. You care about your boyfriend and your relationship, so you want to resolve things. This might result in you sending multiple text messages or attempting to call him every hour.

He might want some space so that he can think things over. He probably has a lot on his mind. Leave him alone for a while and give him time to think.

If he is truly mad at you, getting more texts from you might make him even more upset. It can be hard to accept that, but it’s true.

If you want him to reply to you and talk to you again, you need to give him a chance to work through his feelings. Trust that he will reach out to you when he’s ready to have a conversation again.

You don’t want him to find his phone full of text messages like this:

Put yourself in his shoes.

If possible, consider what he’s going through. Put yourself in his place. Would you want to be able to think and be alone? Probably. Would you want your significant other texting you constantly? Probably not.

Consider all of the different emotions he might be experiencing. People often forget that men can feel emotions too. He might be reacting similarly to how you would in this situation.

Keep in mind that you aren’t truly in his place. You can try to picture how you would feel, but it will not be 100% accurate. Don’t make any bold decisions based on how you think he should be feeling.

It can be beneficial to consider your boyfriend and how he is feeling as you message him or try to fix things with him.

You might even be able to have a role play conversation with a friend to further visualize your boyfriend’s possible feelings.

Distract yourself.

Relationship issues can be heavy and hard to deal with. If you’re pretty serious about the relationship, you might not be able to get your mind off the problems.

It’s important to think about ways to resolve the issues, but there is only so much you can do if your boyfriend is not actively communicating with you.

Try to find something to keep you busy so that you aren’t too preoccupied with the relationship drama.

Here are a few things to do if you need a distraction:

  • ​Hang out with your friends and family.
  • ​Do something you love, such as reading a book or making crafts.
  • ​Exercise, which will also help with your stress.
  • ​Do yoga or meditate to stay calm.
  • ​Watch a new show or movie.

Don’t apologize too quickly.

You might be tempted to apologize just to get your boyfriend to talk to you. I’ve been in the same position. It seems like it would work. It seems like an easy fix to the problem.

Apologizing before you know what’s actually going on is not a good idea though. He might be mad at you for something he thinks you did, not something that you actually did. In this case, he is likely in the wrong for blaming you or not trusting you.

Perhaps he is mad because he thinks you were flirting with your co-workers. If you apologize when you didn’t actually do anything, you’re not fixing the actual problem of his lack of trust.

An apology may be appropriate once he actually talks to you about the problem. Make sure you truly messed up before you apologize.

Sometimes we, as humans, get desperate. We will say or do anything to make someone talk to us or forgive us. Saying you’re sorry is an easy way out and will not solve the actual problem. It’s definitely a bad idea if you aren’t even in the wrong.

Ask him about it.

When you’re trying to talk to your boyfriend when he is mad at you, do it gently. Spamming him with text messages and voicemails is only going to make him upset.

When you are able to get ahold of him, simply ask why he’s upset or what’s going on.

It’s essential that you do not come on too strong. Try to avoid sounding like you’re accusing him or blaming him. Though he should have communicated his feelings to you, aggressively fighting with him is not going to help.  

I understand that you’re likely upset too. He hasn’t been replying to you or he has been acting mad. It’s natural to be frustrated with the situation.

It’s going to be most beneficial if both of you—or even just one of you—can remain calm and collected.

Argue in the right way.

Arguments are a normal part of every relationship.

If your boyfriend is mad at you, an argument is likely to arise. This is okay, as long as you argue in a safe and healthy way.

In this video, this expert gives some guidelines for fighting fairly. She suggests staying on topic and avoiding threats.

Be careful with your tone so that you don’t come off as being too harsh or even sassy. Even if you’re mad at him too, acting angry isn’t going to help.

If things get too intense, take a break and cool down. If things get violent, reach out for help. Arguments may get heated, but they should never lead to violent acts.

Watch your words.

When you’re in the middle of an argument, you may not be worried about saying the right thing. Sometimes, we get too heated and just start saying hurtful words that we don’t truly mean.

This is normal, but that doesn’t necessarily make it okay. You’ve probably been on the receiving end of some hurtful comments at some point in your life. No matter how many times the other person apologizes, you sometimes still believe what they said when they were angry.

Your boyfriend can feel the same way.

If you’re careful with the way you argue and the way you speak too, you will cause less damage to your boyfriend and to the relationship.

Name-calling, yelling, and bringing up past problems are not helpful in solving current problems. Focus on coming to a peaceful resolution without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Before you say anything to your boyfriend, imagine him saying it to you. If you would be hurt or upset, try to think of something else to say to him.

Work on your communication skills as a couple.

When your boyfriend is not replying to your messages or answering your phone calls, he is lacking communication skills. Even if he wants some space, he should take the time to tell you about it.

If you and your boyfriend have communication problems like this frequently, you should probably find some new communication techniques. If not, this pattern will continue. You will likely find yourselves arguing and giving each other the silent treatment on a regular basis.

As you can imagine, that isn’t healthy. It can cause a strain on your relationship and might even bring the relationship to an end.

Having good communication is essential in a relationship. Luckily, if you aren’t perfect at it right now, it can be improved. There are plenty of ways to learn to become better at communicating, and it’s definitely worth the effort.

Here are a few ideas for improving the way that you communicate as a couple:

​Be active listeners: One major issue in relationships is that one or both partners don’t truly listen. Active listening includes using eye contact, showing concern, and avoiding interruptions. Active listening should be practiced until it becomes second nature.

​Show each other that you care: Write down your boyfriend’s important events or meetings so that you remember to ask how they went. This will give you more things to talk about and give you more opportunities to communicate throughout the day.

​Avoid jumping to conclusions: Wait until you have all the facts straight. Problems in relationships are often out of our control, but be sure to wait until you know all of the details. Placing blame, yelling, and accusing will only cause bigger issues.

If you can’t seem to improve your communication skills on your own, try visiting a counselor. They can help you to work out your difficulties and to become better communicators.

Communication is one of the keys to a strong relationship. It’s important in all areas of a relationship and should be improved regularly.

Conclusion

​When your boyfriend won’t talk to you or is mad at you, there are plenty of things that you can do to try to make the situation better. If possible, work on resolving the conflict. If he isn’t responding, you may be stuck waiting it out.

  • ​Wait for your boyfriend to talk to you.
  • ​Don’t send him too many text messages when he doesn’t reply.
  • ​Avoid apologizing until you know all the facts.
  • ​Stay as calm as possible when you’re arguing.
  • ​Work on your communication skills as a couple.

​Comment below if you have any questions and be sure to share this article with a friend if you liked it!

Aubrey Meister
 

I’m a college student with several years of dating experience. I enjoy researching relationship and communication skills to improve my own relationships and the relationships of others as well. As a college student, I have spent time offering advice to friends as needed.

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