You have probably heard about the relationship type of friends with benefits from films, media and maybe even people you know. You might be wondering what it means exactly and if you would like to get yourself into a friend with benefits situation. Maybe it sounds appealing to you and you know that one of your friends would also be really up for it, but you’re just not one hundred percent sure what you would actually be getting yourself into or how it would go.
That’s exactly why I have put together this article. We are going to discuss what a friends with benefits relationship really means and what the benefits and disadvantages are to having one. By the end of the article not only will you be completely clued up about the basis of a friends with benefits relationship, but you will also be able to decide if it’s a good idea for you or not.
- 1 What is the basis of a ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship?
- 2 Are Friends with Benefits relationships monogamous?
- 3 Who should you get into a Friends with Benefits relationship with?
- 4 How can you ask someone to be in a Friends with Benefits relationship with you?
- 5 How do you know if a Friends with Benefits relationship is for you?
- 6 The advantages of having a Friends with Benefits relationship.
- 7 The disadvantages and risks of having a Friends with Benefits relationship.
- 8 Conclusion
What is the basis of a ‘Friends with Benefits’ relationship?
A friends with benefits relationship is essentially as simple as the name of it sounds. You remain friends with someone while benefitting from being able to have sex with them. The two people in this relationship are physically intimate with each other, but they remain just friends. There are supposed to be no romantic emotions within the relationship, and if there are, things get complicated.
Other than being their friend, you are not committed in a friends with benefits relationship to the other person, at all. This is not a real relationship, so there are no emotional ties or duties. You are both simply in the situation to hang out, have sex and then get on with your own life.
It might sound easy enough, but having sex with someone that you already care about, even if it is just in a friendly sense, can be really difficult.
Are Friends with Benefits relationships monogamous?
This is where it is completely down to the two people involved to decide.
If you want it to be, then, of course, it can be monogamous, as long as both people see eye to eye. However, that could mean that you are creating emotional ties and attachment to each other and it might be difficult for you not to fall into a relationship. If you are only having sex with one person, it’s pretty difficult to not develop feelings towards them, especially because you will be seeing them a lot more than you used to when you were just friends, with no benefits.
If things are kept polyamorous, this could be a lot easier emotionally on both of you. If you are both allowed to sleep with other people, then you are less likely to develop a romantic connection between the two of you. However, it can get more complicated if jealousy is thrown into the mix. If one person starts to develop romantic feelings for the other, they might want to make the relationship monogamous suddenly, and this isn’t fair on the other person who agreed to a polyamorous relationship with no attachment.
Who should you get into a Friends with Benefits relationship with?
You need to get into a friends with benefits with someone who is clearly already your friend. You clearly need to be sexually attracted to them and trust them enough to have sex with them. Obviously, this needs to be reciprocated by them. Don’t try and ask a friend for this kind of relationship if you have never had a sexual vibe with, because they probably don’t feel sexually attracted to you.
It might be useful to get into a friends with benefits relationship with someone that you could never imagine yourself with. There is definitely a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, so you should go for a friend that only makes you hot, not someone that you want to be with for the next few years. If you go for someone that you definitely can’t envisage yourself being with, it might not mean there isn’t the possibility of a romantic connection to start between the two of you, but it is much less likely.
You need to get into a relationship like this with someone you can be open with, and someone that you think is willing to explore the things that you do. Because a friends with benefits relationship is purely sexual, your friend needs to be open and excited to try new sexual experiences with you. You also need to be able to trust them fully with the things you say and do. You definitely don’t want to end up feeling self-conscious or restricted in this relationship, it is a time to explore and expand your sexual horizons.
I feel like I shouldn’t need to say this, but I will anyway. Do not get into a friends with benefits relationship with someone that is taken. That is cheating, and you don’t want to be the reason someone’s relationship ends.
How can you ask someone to be in a Friends with Benefits relationship with you?
To be completely honest with you, this is difficult, and it can be really nervous. You need to make sure that you ask at the right time, and that you have definitely read them correctly, otherwise you might just be about to ruin one of your friendships.
Firstly, you should always keep it chilled and lowkey. Don’t act like you need this kind of a relationship, because they might be scared off. You need to look at the situation in a flirty and funny way.
You need to ask one of your friends that you flirt with a lot or one that you have already made out or had sex with. You need to know whether they would be willing and interested in this kind of relationship with you, or you might get a rejection.
Even though you are keeping it chilled and flirty, you do need to be honest. If you want to be in this kind of relationship with someone, in particular, let them know. I’m certain that if they are sexually attracted to you too, they will jump at the chance to have sex with you regularly. Also, if you are honest from the outset this sets the open and truthful tone of the whole relationship ongoing.
How do you know if a Friends with Benefits relationship is for you?
After having a read of the information above, are you thinking about trying to initiate a friends with benefits relationship with someone you know? Perhaps you’re not sure if it’s the right thing for you and that’s holding you back?
It’s quite simple, but it is something that you need to make sure you want. A friends with benefits relationship normally works well for people that are:
- Too busy to date anyone but still need their fair share of sex.
- Strong enough to have sex and not get attached.
- Open and honest when it comes to their sexual desires.
- Not looking for anything serious, at all.
If you think that you are ready for a friends with benefits relationship, that’s great. We are going to continue the article with what kind of pros and cons you can expect from this relationship, so you are prepared for when you choose to get into one.
The advantages of having a Friends with Benefits relationship.
1. You can be yourself with them.
Within a friends with benefits relationship, you are still friends with someone, you are just putting sex right into the mix. You will be able to completely be yourself in front of and around this person because they know you so well anyway. You shouldn’t have anything to hide from them, and you shouldn’t feel insecure at all. You know that your friend values you for you and will accept you no matter what, so you have complete freedom to be yourself without feeling conscious.
2. There is no awkwardness between you.
The person that you are in this relationship with is already your friend, they already know you. There is no need to get to know them or try and understand what they’re like. You can completely remove the scariness and awkwardness of meeting someone new and having sex with them. You and your friend will be relaxed with each other and because there are no false expectations. You don’t have to get to know them, so there’s more time to have sex.
3. They provide you with a consistent sex life that fits right into your schedule.
Both of you got into this relationship with plans to have a lot of sex. Because you are already friends, you probably saw each other quite frequently anyway, so you don’t have to make extra time for someone new. You can simply meet up with your friend as you did before, but the difference is now, they provide you with great sex. What can get better than that? Neither of you has to put aside valuable time in your week to meet with someone new and spend time with them. You can simply both meet up, as usual, do your thing and then crack on with your weeks.
4. You can both still look for someone else a little more serious.
As both of you have no attachment to each other in a romantic sense, you are both still free to go and date. Then, if one of you finds someone that they really like, this is great. There are no bad feelings and that person then goes off with their new lover. You are not losing time on finding someone more long term, because you can still do this. The difference is before you were having no sex and searching for someone else. Now, you get to have sex while you are searching for someone else.
The disadvantages and risks of having a Friends with Benefits relationship.
1. You could end up getting feelings for your friend, or they could for you.
This is the biggest and scariest thing when it comes to entering a friends with benefits relationship. Even though you both entered into the relationship purely to have sex with each other, feelings could develop out of nowhere. It’s hard because you are having sex with someone regularly, and to make it harder you are having sex with someone that you already like and care about.
If you start to have romantic feelings towards your friend, it can be a really difficult situation for you to be in. Do you tell him? How do you make these feelings go away? You will be worried that you might not only ruin the friends with benefits relationship, but also the friendship that the two of you share. It might happen the other way around too of course. Your friend might start to feel things towards you, and this can put them in the same difficult and confusing situation.
If both of you share romantic feelings towards each other, this can actually make for a beautiful relationship together. However, if only one of you feels this way, the situation of unrequited love could make an appearance, and it isn’t pretty.
2. You could end up getting jealous, or they could.
Obviously if one of you has feelings, then they could get jealous of the other people in their friends lives. This is especially true if there was never any communication about rules before the friends with benefits relationship began, and one person thinks it’s polyamorous but the other thinks it’s monogamous. The jealousy might hurt so much, but there might not be anything you can do about it, because you entered into this relationship for just sex, not emotional attachment.
Even if neither of you has feelings towards each other, jealousy could still make an appearance if you are in a polyamorous relationship. One of you might find it difficult if you know that your friends time is getting taken up by someone else when you want to be sleeping with them. However, once again you can’t get angry, because if you agreed on a polyamorous relationship, then you have every right to go and sleep with other people too.
You might also get jealous if your friend finds someone they feel more serious about because they will have to end the friends with benefits relationship to an end. You might feel tossed aside, you will probably miss the sex and you’ll be annoyed that this other woman came along. This makes it hard for you to feel happy for your friend, which you probably would have before.
3. It might just not be good between you.
Sometimes sex just isn’t as good with some people as it is with others, we all know this. Perhaps the friends with benefits relationship isn’t as fiery and passionate as you expected it to be. If the sex is bad, this can be a real problem and probably means that you shouldn’t try sleeping together anymore.
This can be even worse if the other person seems to be enjoying themselves, but you are not. You are then left to tell them that you don’t enjoy having sex with them. That will hurt them and you obviously won’t want to do that to them, because you care about them.
This can be easily avoided by only getting into this kind of relationship with someone you have already slept with. That way, you know what you are expecting.
Things are always made complicated when you add sex into the mix. Even if you thought it was going to be simple, something will probably end up happening between you. It is hard for humans to disconnect from those that they have had sex with, even if some people seem professionals at it – they have just had too much practice. Whether you end up with feelings for your friend or the sex is disappointing, you might have ruined the perfectly good friendship you had before you got yourselves into this situation.
This is clearly the biggest risk. So, before you enter any friends with benefits relationship, ask yourselves if you are willing to put your friendship at risk for this. A good idea to stop this from happening is to lay down some ground rules.
I really hope that with the help of this article you now know what a friends with benefits relationship is and what the real benefits and risks are in relation to it. If you are still interested in going ahead into this kind of relationship, please go and have a read of “10 Friends with Benefits Rules You Both Have To Follow”.
Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.