Third Date Rule: What Is It?

Are you wondering what the third date rule really is, and what does it mean for you? Is it a real thing and do you need to use it? Does it pressurize you into giving yourself up to someone? Firstly, don’t panic if you don’t know what the third date rule really is and what it should mean to you. A lot of people know the saying and the basic instruction it gives you, but not many know the in-depth details of it and how they should use it in their lives.

I have put together this article to firstly give you a lot more details about what the third date rule really is and how it might affect you and any new relationships you get into. We are going to focus a lot on if the rule actually does work. Finally, we will discuss if you would like to use the third date rule in your relationships, and if you think it helps you, hinders you or puts pressure on you? The important thing is that you are in the right place to find out the answers to all the questions you have about the third date rule.

What does the third date rule really mean?

Essentially, the third date rule means waiting until the third date before sleeping with someone. It also does mean that on the third date, you should have some kind of sexual interaction, even if it isn’t sexual intercourse. This is supposed to prove that the relationship is good and moving forward as it should be. 

There are lots of different reasons people wait: to set boundaries if you are wanting to have more of a relationship than a quick fling with someone, to get to know the person a bit before you sleep with them or just simply because you want to test them a little bit. The rule really aims to target women and is supposed to ensure that the man you are dating is always wanting to come back for more. It shows that you aren’t ‘easy’ and you value yourself and the act of sex quite highly.

Why might it be a good idea to use the third date rule?

As mentioned briefly above, there are some positives to using the third date rule. We are going to have a deeper look into the benefits of using the third date rule, which essentially will show us why people think it’s a good idea to use it. 

1. It shows that you have self-respect.

I believe that your sex life and how long you wait before giving it up shouldn’t determine the level of self-respect you have. However, the third date rule does show the man you are dating that you won’t just give it up for anyone. There is something attractive to a man about a woman not giving herself up too easily because from their eyes it shows that you really respect yourself and want the best for yourself.

2. You will attract the right type of people.

If men know that you are an avid user of the third date rule, or you tell them on the first date how you feel about it, then you will get rid of the time-wasters and players. If you are looking for something more serious, the third date rule can help you. It sorts the quick flings from the more serious potential relationships. A player or someone that simply just wants to have sex with you won’t put the effort into waiting until the first date to have sex with you, they will simply go and find a woman who doesn’t use it and have sex with them.

Therefore, you have already sifted out the men who are only after one thing and the men that are genuinely interested in you. So, you will attract the right kind of people – the people that want more than just sex with you. You will be able to possibly see a future with these people because they are on the same page as you.

3. It allows you to get to know the person first.

By using the third date rule, you can get to know the person really well first, instead of jumping straight into bed with them. Would you really want to be intimate with someone that you thought was really rude or had a bad side? Of course, you wouldn’t, but when you don’t get to know someone first, you might end up in this situation. If you slept with someone on the first date, you wouldn’t actually know them as a person, and you might realize that further down the line you really don’t like the person they are.

If you follow the third date rule, you are able to figure out if you actually like this man’s personality or not before you start to be intimate with him. If you don’t like him, you can end things with him. If you do like him, then you will want to be intimate with him and see where things go from there. You will also feel a lot more comfortable and confident in the bedroom with someone that you know a little better, so it will probably make for better sex too.

4. You will attract the right type of people.

If men know that you are an avid user of the third date rule, or you tell them on the first date how you feel about it, then you will get rid of the time-wasters and players. If you are looking for something more serious, the third date rule can help you. It sorts the quick flings from the more serious potential relationships. A player or someone that simply just wants to have sex with you won’t put the effort into waiting until the first date to have sex with you, they will simply go and find a woman who doesn’t use it and have sex with them.

Therefore, you have already sifted out the men who are only after one thing and the men that are genuinely interested in you. So, you will attract the right kind of people – the people that want more than just sex with you. You will be able to possibly see a future with these people because they are on the same page as you.

5. If you have sex before the third date, you might confuse sexual feelings for romantic ones.

Sex is a really amazing thing, and it’s been made even better now we live in a world where there is less of a taboo about sex, and casual sex in particular. However, sex does confuse our minds. Even though you might not think of it as a loving act, it really is. Sex is a completely intimate and loving act, hence the reason we call it, “lovemaking”. If you have sex with a man before the third date, it might change your judgments of him. You might get blown away by the physical intimacy between the two of you, that you have forgotten about the negative or boring parts of him that you didn’t like so much. Having sex with someone before we know them can completely change our judgments of them and our feelings towards them.

To stop this from happening, you can use the third date rule to make sure that you genuinely like the person that you are dating, for who they are, not for how good they are in the bedroom. 

6. You will be able to see if the man respects your decision.

If you tell the man you’re on a date with about the third date rule and tell him that you use it, it might be a good idea to see his reaction. Is he respectful about it or does he think it’s stupid and he wants to have sex before then? A good relationship needs to be built on respect, and so that’s how it should start. If the man doesn’t respect your decision, then you should end things with him because clearly, he doesn’t respect you and your own boundaries. If he does respect it, then you should know that you probably don’t even have to have sex on the third date, you could wait for a little longer and he would still be fine with it. This is the kind of man you want to keep seeing because he respects you and trusts that you know yourself well.

Why might it be a bad idea to use the third date rule?

1. It should naturally happen when it happens.

If you use the third date rule, it can actually pressurize you into having sex too quickly or stop you from having sex when you really want to. You shouldn’t be controlled by this kind of rule that was created just for etiquette and in the hopes that it would make men more serious about you. You will know within yourself when the right time to have sex is. You will be able to feel it between the two of you, and when you feel it, you are ready. It should be a naturally occurring thing, and it shouldn’t matter if you want to have sex on the first date or after the fifteenth, it should happen when it feels right for you.

Also, maybe the man your dating won’t actually be ready to have sex with you on the third date. He might want to wait – have you ever thought about that? By telling him that you have a third date rule, it might actually scare him off or make him feel coerced into having sex with you? You shouldn’t set any expectations, and as I said, it should all be natural.  

2. It’s going to be different for every person you date.

The third date rule is very generic, yet it might not apply to every dating situation you have been in. Every man you date will be different, and your relationship with them will be different too. So, how can you expect to use the same rule about when you should have sex? You shouldn’t. We have all waited different amounts of time to sleep with the different people we have had in our lives. There is no ‘one size fits all’ to this. For example, you might keep dating someone you’re not massively sexually aroused by but enjoy their company. The sexual spark might come a little later on but for now, you’re enjoying their company more.

The third date rule would lead you to believe that you have to have sex with this person on the third date. You don’t. The same applies for if you didn’t really get along with someone on an intellectual level so didn’t want to date them more, but you did feel very sexually attracted to them. Maybe you just wanted to have sex with them? The third date rule would make you go on three more boring dates with them just to get to the point where you can allow yourself to rip their clothes off.

3. If you use the third date rule, then you might find yourself sleeping with a lot of people.

How many dates have you ever been on? We have all probably done our fair share of dating, and what if we slept with every single person that we got to the third date with? We could be sleeping with a lot more people than we would like to, especially if you are a serial dater. Your body count could go up significantly if you used this rule, which actually goes against the whole point of the rule in the first place (you should show self-respect etc).

So, does the third date rule work?

There are a lot of people that believe strongly in the third date rule, and a lot of the time it is a really good rule to stick by. It allows you to take time and get to know someone before sleeping with them. However, it’s completely up to you to decide whether it works. It’s a very personal thing and it depends on how you feel about it. A lot of the time, people can feel like it either hinders their sexual needs or pressurizes them to have sex with someone too early on. It really is a personal thing, and if you aren’t sure whether it would work for you, you could always give it a try and see for yourself.

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Test out the third date rule for yourself.

So, now you have read a lot of information on what the third date rule really is and the positives and negatives that could go with it, are you wondering if it would be a good idea for you to use it?

If you are wanting to figure out whether you should use it, there are some things you can do.

Don’t tell anyone that you are dating about the third date rule you are trying out.

If you are only wanting to try it out, you probably shouldn’t tell your dates that you are using the rule. If you do, they might then expect to have sex with you on the third date. Even though you obviously have no obligations to do so, it might create unrealistic expectations that could confuse the person you are dating. You just don’t want to get yourself into the position where the man you’re seeing is expecting to have sex with you.

If you want to sleep with your date on the first date but are trialing the third date rule out, it’s also important that you don’t mention that, because if you do then they will know that you are just holding yourself back but you do want to have sex. You might notice that you start to attract different types of people, or that men seem more interested in you than they ever have been before.

Once you have tested out the third date rule, you need to ask yourself some questions.

If you are normally willing to have sex pretty much straight away after meeting someone and have now waited until the third date to instigate sexual activity, ask yourself some questions. How does that make you feel? Did the guy still have an interest in you? Do you feel like you’re being repressed? Would you rather have just had sex straight away? Do you feel more comfortable having sex with someone you know a bit better than you normally do?

If you normally want to wait for a lot longer before you have sex with someone, when it gets to the third date with someone, you could have a think about how you would feel if you were supposed to have sex with them then. Obviously, don’t force yourself to have sex unless you actually want to. Just think about it and see how it makes you feel. Would you feel forced into having sex with them? Would you feel like there was pressure on you to have sex? Do you feel like you know the man enough to have sex with him? Would you actually be excited to have a kind of deadline for sexual activity?

Hopefully, after you have given it a little test you will be able to see if you think the third date rule is a good idea for you or not. As I have mentioned previously, it is a very personal thing and it doesn’t work for everyone. You need to try it out and test it to see how it suits your personality, dating habits, and lifestyle.

What are some easier third date rules that you might find it easier to use?

These few points below are a little more like advice than rules. You really should do every single one of them though, especially on the third date. The third date signifies that there might be something more serious going on between the two of you, so by doing the things listed below you might be able to figure out if you want there to be something more serious. 

1. Ask some more serious and deep questions.

On the first and second dates you probably both kept it pretty surface level with each other. Now, it is time to figure out if you do actually want to keep seeing this guy and if you would want to be in a relationship with him. You can ask him some deeper questions, present him with some situations and ask how he would figure them out. If you want to know some questions you could ask please feel free to check out, 200+ Personal Questions to Ask A Guyto get some inspiration. You want to see how he reacts to questions, what his views are and what his personality really is like. It might also be a good idea to see what kind of person he is to other people, especially waiters or other strangers. No one wants to go out with someone that’s rude. 

2. See how he acts when you give him some affection.

Even if you don’t feel ready to sleep with this man, it might be a good idea to show some affection towards each other. You might realize that you are really attracted to him but then affection with him just seems strange. Sometimes we could really get on with someone and think they’re perfect, but then the spark just isn’t there when we kiss them. So, it’s not only nice to share in affection but it’s also important that you do feel a spark when you’re kissing or hugging him.

3. Open up a little bit more with each other.

Like I said earlier, on previous dates together you might not have properly spoken and therefore you won’t have opened up. As well as asking him questions and seeing what he’s like, it’s a good idea for you to open up yourself a little bit too. Share some more details of your life, even the not so good bits of it. You can see how he reacts, and if he stays calm and collected, he’s a keeper. You can actually get intimate with each other through conversation, not only sex.

Conclusion

I really hope that this article has helped you learn more about what the third date rule is, what the benefits and issues are regarding it and if it’s a good idea for you to use it in your life.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

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