Everyone wants a happy and magical marriage like we have read about when we were children or seen in the films growing up. If you don’t already know, and I am sorry to burst your bubble if you don’t, marriage is hard work. Of course, there will be some amazing times, but codependency is hard.
Sometimes, if we think something is too hard or is not making us as happy as we would like to be, our subconscious tries to destroy it. When it comes to marriage, there are two people involved and both parties need to continuously work on it, together. Wives, as well as husbands, can destroy marriages, of course. However, in this article, we will be looking at the eight things husbands normally do to destroy a marriage.
Perhaps you are reading this because you are worried that your husband is destroying our marriage, or you just want to get informed so that you can deal with it if things like this ever come up in your relationship. Whatever the reason, I am here to not only tell you the signs of a husband destroying a marriage but also give you some advice on what you should do if he is. So, let’s dive in and have a look.
- 1 1. He starts to spend a lot less quality time with his wife.
- 2 2. He doesn’t help with the tasks of everyday life.
- 3 3. He doesn’t communicate properly with her.
- 4 4. He doesn’t make an effort with sex anymore, or he sees his wife’s sex as guaranteed.
- 5 5. He doesn’t take his wife on dates anymore.
- 6 6. He hasn’t stopped flirting with other women.
- 7 7. He forgets to show appreciation for his partner.
- 8 8. He might start trying to change his wife or criticizing her more and more.
- 9 So, if you notice that your husband is destroying your marriage, what should you do?
- 10 Conclusion
1. He starts to spend a lot less quality time with his wife.
Regardless of the status of a marriage, you are still in a romantic relationship. The only difference between a marriage and a relationship is that you are in it for life. You have to keep the romantic connection alive, otherwise, it is going to fail.
One of the most common reasons for the breakdown of marriages is because the two people involved just grow apart over time. Husbands might not realize it but spending quality time with their wife is one of the ways to keep her happy and fulfilled, as well as increasing the value of their connection. Of course, life can get busy and interrupt quality time between partners sometimes. Also, I am not saying that you should both be joined at the hip – independence is essential.
However, if a husband is constantly spending more time out of the house, or with friends, then his wife might start to feel alone. She will begin to feel lonely in her marriage, and she might come to resent the fact that she is married to a man that no longer values her time.
This can lead to the wife becoming more distant, and therefore the deep and emotional connection they had before will start to fade away. Over time, they might realize that they are both in a marriage where they spend little to no time with their spouse.
2. He doesn’t help with the tasks of everyday life.
We are not living in the 1920s where it was abnormal for a man to help around the house. We are now in the twenty-first century and it’s now actually abnormal for a man not to help around the house. A husband that never helps with the washing, cleaning or tidying can be ruining his marriage, without even realizing it.
If you have never lived together before marriage, this can be a really difficult thing to move past. I would strongly recommend not committing to marriage until you have lived with the other person. Obviously, love is the reason people get married, but the goal is to stay married for life, so it would pay off to know that you can successfully cohabit.
In a lot of relationships and marriages, the couple divides household tasks between them. So, perhaps you might have a rule where he takes care of the garden and you do the work inside of the house. Or maybe he drops the kids off at school and you pick them up. If this works, then this is great. It also shows strong communication which we will discuss in the next point.
However, if a husband does the bare minimum or very little to help his wife out with the daily tasks of life, she will start to find it unfair. Assuming that both partners have full-time jobs, do you think that the wife wants to come home to a load of washing? Do you think she wants to wake up every morning knowing that she is the one that has to get the kids up and dressed for school?
Of course, she doesn’t. A marriage is about sharing things, and not just the good parts of life. You should share the workload when it comes to domestic matters or dealing with children.
Husbands can destroy their marriage by not sharing the load. She did not get into this marriage to be a housekeeper or a laundrette. She will begrudge the fact that her husband does nothing, and rightly so, a wife in this kind of situation is very likely to lose her cool.
3. He doesn’t communicate properly with her.
Communication is absolutely key, and I must have said this phrase over and over again in previous articles. Strong communication makes for the basis of a strong relationship. If communication is lacking with one another, it can be difficult to operate in a fully functional and happy relationship.
Communication might change over time. Perhaps at the start of the relationship, the communication was good because you both wanted to make an effort to get to know each other, it all seemed exciting and romantic. This obviously changes when you are married, but it shouldn’t change in a bad way, it should change for the better. Clear communication is the key to living in a happy house and sustaining an open and honest relationship with each other.
Typically, men are worse at communication than women are. Women are much more likely to want to openly talk about anything and everything, and men tend to shut themselves off. This can cause havoc in a relationship if simple communication about daily plans or household tasks can’t happen clearly. Things might not get down, and without clear communication, all you have left is expectations. People start to expect their spouses to know what they mean by their body language, grunts or actions. This is where resentment can stem from.
Communication is also really important after an argument. Arguing and disagreement is a normal and healthy part of life, as long as it’s not happening constantly. However, to move forward after an argument you need to resolve it and speak about it at length. A lot of men feel attacked after arguments, and they are not willing to discuss it and work on it afterward.
If a man is not communicating well with his wife, then the marriage is going to end up feeling like a very difficult place for her to be. Women need to talk, and if he isn’t providing this, she will feel angry and upset, leading to the breakdown of the marriage.
4. He doesn’t make an effort with sex anymore, or he sees his wife’s sex as guaranteed.
Of course, after the ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship or a marriage, sex normally gets slightly pushed to the side, because life gets in the way. However, typically people do still have sex regularly, it might just be less than before. Sex is one of the most important things in a relationship to keep the intimate bond between two people going. It physically shows the love that two people for each other, so it is essential.
The husband may start to make less of an effort to have sex with his wife, over time. Depending on how often you had sex before, you will be able to notice if this has changed. Of course, there can be many reasons for it, and things like erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety can really take their toll on a marriage’s sex life. These things are completely understandable, but they need to be clearly communicated and worked on, to avoid confusion and hurt for the wife.
However, the problem lies if a husband is making no effort to have sex with his wife and there is no real reason behind it. No matter how busy your life in a marriage might get, you should always make time to have sex with each other. If a husband is showing no signs of interest, then obviously this is going to hurt the wife’s feelings and lead her to feel bad about herself. Women always tend to blame themselves, even when it is not their fault – it must just be the way we biologically work. On a more serious note, it could lead to the wife accusing him of cheating, because if he doesn’t want to have sex with her then who is he doing it with?
On the other hand, a husband could see his wife as a guarantee to sex, and therefore he will not go around it nicely. Sex should be loving, exciting and fun. Once married, men sometimes think that they don’t have to impress and seduce their wives anymore, and a lot of the time they will just go straight for it. Of course, just because they are married it doesn’t mean they are guaranteed sex. Husband’s that go in with a less than a loving approach to lovemaking will find that their wives crave more intimacy and might search for it elsewhere.
So, a husband that is not providing a good sex life for his wife will leave her wondering if she really does want to be trapped in what feels like a sexless marriage forever? The answer is most probably going to be no.
5. He doesn’t take his wife on dates anymore.
A lot of men think that as soon as they have succeeded in marrying their woman, they can stop trying with her. They might think they have completed the challenge of conquering her heart and they can now just settle down into life with her. This is obviously not true and can leave the marriage failing due to a lack of romance and intimacy.
No matter how long a marriage has been going on for, there still needs to be fun, excitement and romance. It might be hard with the fact that life gets in the way, but in a marriage, you should still really be acting how you were when you first met. Even though you have decided to be together forever, there still needs to be some kind of chase going on.
Married couples still need to date each other. This can clearly be more difficult at times as if they have just had a baby, or perhaps one of them is working away for a while. However, dates should still remain in the weekly calendar. Dates keep it cute and fun. Without dates, life can become monotonous and as I mentioned in the first point, the couple might end up spending less quality time together.
So, if a man fails to organize dates or plans weekends away just for the two of them, then this could turn the woman off, very quickly. This will be especially true if her friends are not yet married and seem to be enjoying dating. She will end up feeling unattractive and bored. This is obviously not good for the marriage.
6. He hasn’t stopped flirting with other women.
Perhaps he was a bit of a player before, and even in the first stages of dating his wife. However, once a man is married, he should not be flirting with other women. Of course, if it is funny and playful and he is open with his wife about it, there isn’t normally any harm in that. People will usually always have a meaningless flirt because it makes them feel good. However, this is not the type of flirting I am talking about.
If a husband is going out of his way to flirt with other women, is seriously attracted to someone else or acts like he is not in a monogamous relationship, this could make for some big problems in his marriage. It is simply not fair on his wife for him to be flirting with other women in a serious way. If she finds out that he has been doing this, she might start to feel insecure and anxious that he will cheat on her.
This can be extra hard on a wife if her husband is no longer intimate or romantic towards her but is outwardly showing these emotions to other people. She will obviously start to worry that he is finding his fun elsewhere. He is not single now, so there is no reason that he should be acting like this. A woman also deserves to be in a secure and committed marriage, so if she can see that this is clearly not the truth, she may choose to leave.
Obviously, infidelity will break a marriage. But sometimes, the worry of infidelity can break up a marriage in the way that someone actually being unfaithful would.
7. He forgets to show appreciation for his partner.
When we have been in relationships for a long time, we take advantage of the fact that we have a beautiful person with us that loves us. We should always show appreciation for our partners, no matter how long we have been in a relationship with them. However, sometimes we can lose a sense of gratitude for our partners, and then the relationship will start to crumble around us. This is particularly true in a marriage.
Husbands can take their spouses for granted, big time. He might have stopped saying thank you for all the small but amazing things his wife does for him or have stopped appreciating her ongoing support for him. If a man is taking his wife’s love and support for granted, then it’s quite simple – she will stop showing him love and support after a while. No one is going to sit around and wait to be appreciated.
8. He might start trying to change his wife or criticizing her more and more.
Marriage works when two independent people come together, accepting the other, and decide to be together for the rest of their life. However, the acceptance of each other can dwindle away over time, especially if the pair start to notice things about each other that they hadn’t before.
If a man is constantly trying to change his wife, this could be really detrimental. Obviously, we can all be honest and tell our partners what we do and don’t appreciate from them but trying to change their personality and character is a completely different ball game. Maybe he has high expectations from the role his wife should be playing, but this is totally unfair. He shouldn’t have any expectations, he should just love and accept her for who she is.
In addition to trying to change her or the way she goes about doing things, a husband might start to criticize his wife. He might start nagging at her, picking out all the negative parts of her. This is completely not acceptable, and obviously, if a husband is doing this, his wife will leave because she does not deserve to be put down by someone that is supposed to lift her up.
You need to be careful if you notice that your husband does this to you. It might feel like he is just having a bad period of life, but it can be emotional abuse towards you. If he never has anything good to say or you feel like you are becoming a disappointment to him, it is time to reevaluate your marriage.
So, if you notice that your husband is destroying your marriage, what should you do?
First, you should think about it.
This seems like a very obvious thing to say, clearly you are going to think about it. But I mean really take some time to think about it before you speak to him. You need to weigh up your options. Are you going to try and work on the relationship, or do you think that it is too far gone and it is time for you to leave?
Think about yourself. Don’t consult anyone else at first and just think about how you feel towards the situation. What is best for you?
Consult family and friends that you trust.
If you are struggling to come to some kind of decision or action plan, it might be beneficial to speak with and get advice from people that are close to you. Make sure that you speak with people that you know only want the best for you and that you trust. It’s also a good idea to speak with people that you know aren’t going to be too judgmental. Also, remember that you are only asking for advice, you are under no obligation to do what they tell you to.
Talk it out with your partner.
Finally, you need to speak to your partner about what’s happening. It could be completely probable that he didn’t even realize that he was doing anything wrong. You need to make sure you discuss in a place that you both feel comfortable and safe. If you think he is going to be aggressive, you can always make sure you speak about it all in a public place.
You need to tell him how he is making you feel, and how you both think it is best to move forward.
I really hope this article has helped you to identify the things husbands will do to destroy a marriage. If you are going through this at the moment, I am sorry and understand how hard this can be.
However, you need to remember that you are an amazing and beautiful woman who deserves to feel loved. Whichever way you choose to move forward, don’t forget that.
Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.