Finding out that your husband is cheating on you is a feeling of such intense heartbreak. However, there can be a double dose of pain if he is cheating on you with one of your friends. Not only will you feel like your closest people have disappeared from around you, but it can feel like you were an outsider to everyone that you trusted. They were keeping such a big secret from you, that would inevitably cause you pain and ruin your marriage.
So, I feel compelled to put together this article to help you see the signs if your husband is cheating on you with your friend. Hopefully, you can figure out what is happening and deal with it before it causes you too much agony.
Of course, it’s important to say that these ten signs listed below are strong indicators that your husband will be cheating on you. However, it’s important that unless you are confident he is cheating on you, you don’t rush in to accusing him and finishing things between you.
He might not actually be cheating on you, so you don’t want to accuse him too quickly. Otherwise, this could cause him to feel like you don’t trust him, and he will probably push you away.
- 1 1. He has changed his appearance.
- 2 2. He acts differently around a particular friend of yours.
- 3 3. You start to see less of your husband.
- 4 4. You start to see less of your friend.
- 5 5. Both your husband and friend's schedule seem to link up.
- 6 6. His phone bill has her number all over his calls and texts.
- 7 7. Sex has changed with him.
- 8 8. Your friend has newfound happiness for some reason.
- 9 9. His spending has gone up.
- 10 10. He is spending a lot of time away from you.
- 11 Conclusion
1. He has changed his appearance.
In a marriage, the two people know each other very well. This goes right down to how the other person looks after their physical appearance. So, you will easily be able to notice if your spouse has decided to change up his look.
So, if your husband is typically happy to not shave for a few weeks or has worn the same clothes for a while, it might seem like something is up if he goes on a shopping spree at Calvin Klein or goes to the barbers twice a week.
If he has started to spend a lot of time and effort trying to look good, it could be for someone else.
Obviously, this is a pretty standard sign of cheating. However, we are trying to see the signs that he is cheating with your friend. So if you are suspicious (which I assume you are by reading this article) that your husband is cheating with your friend, you need to start doing some detective work.
Figure out when the times are that your husband really makes an effort with his appearance. If he knows that a particular friend of yours is coming around for dinner or will be at school while he is picking the kids up, does his effort in his appearance change? Perhaps he puts a new cologne on or his favorite shirt? If you can work out who he is making the extra effort for, you can probably be sure that it’s her that he is cheating with.
However, if this is the only sign out of all ten that resonates with your husband, it could just be that he is wanting to take more considerable pride in his image because he feels like he’s getting older or he is longing for a refresh! But if this is the reason, he will probably share this with you.
2. He acts differently around a particular friend of yours.
In addition to making more effort with his physical appearance when he knows a particular friend of yours will be around, he will act differently around her, if they are having an affair. Even people that cheat mess up when they are around the person they are having an affair with. There are many things to look out for when it comes to his behavior around this certain someone.
One of the things will be outright flirting. Of course, you would think this would be the last thing he would do, in fear of being caught. However, he might not even realize that he is flirting. So lookout for the sexy eye contact between them, as well as the tone he uses with her.
A second behavioral trait could be that he is actually affectionate with her. Look at their body language. Of course, he isn’t going to sit there and kiss her in front of you. However, he could make reasons to touch her. For example, choosing to sit at the dinner table near each other, so their legs touch, or touching her arm as he speaks to her.
The third thing he could be doing is making a special effort with her in particular. If you’re at drinks or dinner party and he seems glued to one of your friends, in particular, isn’t this slightly suspicious? You might find them deep in conversation in another room or volunteering to take her home, just the two of them.
3. You start to see less of your husband.
Have you started seeing less of your husband? Perhaps he is staying later and later at work every night, or has taken a sudden interest in seeing his old friends more often?
Of course, both of these things could be really reasonable reasons to spend more time away from you. However, within marriage, you tend to share everything. So, if you notice that he is spending a lot of time at work, but you have never heard why, this could be a cause for concern.
Specifically, work and weekends away for business are one of the most common cover-ups for infidelity. You have every right to start questioning why you aren’t seeing him a lot anymore, and why he can’t commit to family time.
4. You start to see less of your friend.
This really depends on how often you would typically see your friend. Of course, if you aren’t that close to her, you might not see her very regularly anyway, so it will be hard to determine if you are seeing less of her.
However, if you are close with your friend and usually see each other every week, it will be easy to notice if she has a lot less time for you. Life can, of course, get in the way of our social engagements with our friends, but if you know that your friend is a pretty available person and suddenly you rarely see her, something could be up. Guilt may have overtaken her, and she might not be meeting you because she can’t face you knowing that she is sleeping with your husband.
Typically, your first instinct as a friend (if she is single) would be that she has met someone. So, as a normal friend would, ask her. If she denies it or seems shady about the answer, this can be a big red flag that she is hiding something or someone from you.
Now we have talked about seeing both your husband and friend less, so it might be time to start wondering if their schedules are linking up. Have a really good think about when your friend has been canceling on you, and when your husband has been too busy to be home. If they are both too busy at the same time, it could be because they are lying to you and they are together.
After you have been observing their ‘busy’ times and seeing if they fit together, it might actually be possible to catch them together.
You could also actually test it and try to schedule dinner or a drink with them both when you suspect that they usually see each other. Don’t tell either of them you have invited the other person and then see what happens. Do they both cancel on you? Or do they both show up knowing that the other person would be there?
Whatever happens, they will probably both know that you are on to them and it could even lead to a confession.
6. His phone bill has her number all over his calls and texts.
Typically, married people will share the bills. This will probably also include your phone bills. You can use this to your advantage in this situation. If you can get hold of his phone bill, have a look at his call history. If you notice that there is a certain number on there that is always calling, cross-check it with your friend’s number and see if it’s a match. If it is, you have your answer.
Of course, you could check his call log and messages on his phone, but there shouldn’t actually be any reason in the first place to do this. All people (even if you suspect they’re cheating) sill deserve privacy.
Also, if he is not talking to someone else and finds you snooping around on his cell phone, he might realize that you don’t trust him and will feel accused. This will be a betrayal of his trust in his eyes and could end badly.
7. Sex has changed with him.
There are many signs to do with sex which will show you if your husband is cheating on you.
So, we will split this point into three smaller points.
Firstly, he may be less interested in having sex with you.
When you first got together, sex was probably happening all the time, and neither of you could get enough of each other. Of course, over time, the sex appetite decreases, and there are many reasons for that happening. For example, after the ‘honeymoon period’ of the relationship, life will most likely get in the way of your lovemaking sessions.
However, even if you are not having a lot of sex, you will be able to notice if he has become less interested in having sex with you. It can be concerning if he doesn’t seem interested at all. If it seems like any physical attention from him is a rare event, this isn’t good.
He will most likely be putting all that sexual attention elsewhere.
Secondly, sex is longer with him now.
You will most likely know your husband in the bed very well. So, unless he is experiencing some sort of sexual dysfunction, it might seem strange if he can’t finish as quickly as usual. One of the reasons for him not being able to finish in the same amount of time could be that he has just had sex with someone else. He will have already used all his sexual stimulation before having sex with you.
Finally, he might be acting differently when you are having sex together.
Sometimes, people who cheat will try to hide their unfaithfulness by giving you more attention in the bedroom. So be prepared, because your husband might do the opposite of giving you less sexual interest. As well as this, they might have picked up some new moves in the bedroom out of nowhere.
It might be a welcome surprise that your husband has started to take some initiative into having better sex with you. However, you have to wonder where he has tried this before.
Finally, the most obvious sign that he is cheating on you with your friend is if he calls out her name during sex and not yours. I feel like I don’t need to explain any further.
8. Your friend has newfound happiness for some reason.
We all want our friend to be as happy as possible. So it might seem great if one of your friends seems more satisfied than usual. However, it might not feel so great if you suspect her of cheating with your husband.
So if you do have suspicions of a specific friend, you might want to start looking towards their behavior for answers. If you begin to realize that your friend has a new glow about her, or is simply happier than usual, this could be concerning.
The best thing to do is just tell her that she is looking fantastic and ask outright if something really good has happened to her recently. The way in which she answers will probably show you all you need to know. If she bursts into joy that she just got her dream job, then obviously this is great news. However, if she acts shady or can’t meet your eyes, this could be because she feels so guilty that her happiness is caused by your husband.
9. His spending has gone up.
Another sign that your husband is cheating on you is if his credit card bill has suddenly increased. Of course, you will only be able to see this if you have access to his accounts or statements that come through the door.
Maybe you have spotted that his recent outgoings have increased a lot or that there are unusual transactions? He could be spending more money because he is buying your friend gifts or taking her out on fancy dinner dates.
This will be more obviously true if you find something that links both of them. For example, if you see that he has spent a lot at a jewelry store, and then your friend miraculously has a new necklace.
However, you do need to be careful with this point. If this is the only sign that he is cheating on you, you probably shouldn’t accuse him until you have further proof. It could be that he knows it is coming up to your birthday, or anniversary and wanted to buy you some lovely gifts. If you accuse him, it could all backfire and come back on you.
10. He is spending a lot of time away from you.
If he seems to be spending a lot of time away from you or your schedule has changed so that it always fits around him, it could be because he is busy with another woman. If he is the one telling you when you can and can’t make time for each other, it might be because he is struggling to balance his schedule with multiple women.
A healthy marriage should be when two independent people come together and make time for each other equally. However, if you seem not to see him as much as you used to, you have absolutely every right to question where he is or what he is doing that is detracting so much from the two of you spending time together.
Firstly, I want to say that I am sorry if you do suspect or have found out that your husband is cheating on you with your friend. It really will feel like a double hit. It’s important to stay strong and know your worth. You are so deserving of true and faithful love, from both friends and partners.
I really hope that with the help of this article you will be able to figure out if he is or is not cheating with your friend, and then you will be able to move forward however you see fit.
Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.