If your husband gets annoyed with you at all times then you may have begun to feel like you are on an edge where tripping off looks quite possible. His irritable actions towards you may even stem from minor things but while he is expected to overlook, he lets loose his anger at all times.
This may have even made you seem like you are a stranger in your own home because you do not know the next thing he would complain about.
Well, you are not alone as this has been happening in some homes. Hence the need to address this. Know that there is a solution to every problem but before we identify this, let’s see why you can’t seem to please your man.
- 1 Why can’t he manage his emotions?
- 2 10 Reasons Your Husband is Annoyed With You
- 2.1 Irritable Male Syndrome:
- 2.2 Decrease in the level of testosterone:
- 2.3 Low amount of serotonin:
- 2.4 Stress:
- 2.5 Loss of male identity:
- 2.6 Emotional trauma:
- 2.7 He is actually not annoyed with you:
- 2.8 He broods on his failure:
- 2.9 His mind is pre-occupied with pre-existing issues:
- 2.10 He is annoyed when you exhibit certain features:
- 3 At what point should I be worried about his attitudes
- 4 6 Ways To Handle Your Husband
- 5 Conclusion
Husbands seems unpleasable
One part of every human is annoyance and in one situation or the other, everyone gets to portray that feature. The only difference is that individuals’ level of angervariesy. So, the fact that your husband gets easily annoyed is not impossible.
But he was never like this? Yes! You married a near perfect man who sees you as the best thing that ever happened to him but suddenly he begins to act strange. The fact that his attitude towards you was sudden does not indicate that his attitude towards you surfaced overnight.
Know that behind every of his action, there is a reason which can be emotional, physical or even psychological. This reason does not mean you are at fault. It may not even point at you but because you are the closest to him, he sees you as his way out.
It may be that your husband is going through a lot of stress. Why can’t he tell me?
Well, most men have problem spilling out their issues to their wives. Some see it as a means to protect her from worry while others do not have any reason but see no need to talk to their wives about their issues.
The latter usually stems from ego and pride. He feels he can take care of his issues alone, he feels he can sort it but when his plans fail, he gets angry.
Why can’t he manage his emotions?
While every human is wired the same way, the way we react to events and situations vary. Litterateurs see the society as a script where everyone acts according to the standards in the script. The scripts tells what a man should do and what a woman should do.
Or, how can we explain how a female child knows she has to help her mum out while a male child knows he has to be like his father? Even so, how did we get to a point where a man thinks he should be the primary bearer of the family’s responsibility?
And in a reversal situation, everyone thinks it is abnormal. While little or nothing can be done to change the scripts, you should understand that whether the scripts indicate that a man must avoid being emotional, we are all still different.
Your husband may not be like other men in terms of managing his emotions. It may even be that he never planned to pass out his anger on you but when he tries to resist it, something seems to influence him and he gives in to seeing you as annoying.
The fact that there is something behind his actions is one reason you should be ready to deal with the situation. If not, you may no longer find it feasible to handle your husband. Hence, it is necessary to determine if his attitude is as a result of life activities or if it is a behavioural modification.
10 Reasons Your Husband is Annoyed With You
Irritable Male Syndrome:
Some attitudes may stem out from a natural will while some can be biological. One of man’s biological response is the Irritable Male Syndrome. IMS was first noticed in the testosterone levels of rams and sheep during certain conditions by Dr. Gerald Lincoln in Scotland.
Later on, Dr. Jed Diamond identified this same trait in man and in his book, he stated that Irritable Male Syndrome is a state that makes a man anxious, angry, frustrated and hypersensitive. According to him, this reaction is associated with factors like fluctuations in the male hormones, loss of male identity, dissatisfaction, stress, and impatience amongst others.
Decrease in the level of testosterone:
There is a general belief that when a man’s testosterone level is high, the rate at which he gets angry will also increase. While this is not untrue, the reaction is mostly related to the excessive use of steroids and not the natural means of producing testosterone. In the real sense, men battling with low testosterone level tend to battle with mood swings and anger. However, some of the men in this category tend not to realise that they have low testosterone
Low amount of serotonin:
Serotonin serves as one of the important neurotransmitters on the brain and it influences both the mental and emotional health. Just like testosterone, if a man has too little of Serotonin he gets really annoyed and unhappy easily
We do not just get stressed because the day’s activity was tedious but we get stressed because we have the stress hormone which is known as Cortisol. This hormone can cause irritation, and cognition problems.
So, if your husband gets stressed at work and he is not willing to eat, the stress hormone will be on its increase.
Loss of male identity:
The inability of a man to flow with the script given by the society may make him feel inadequate thereby causing him to wear out easily.
If your husband is having issues with finances and projects and he finds finding it difficult to get things done unlike others, he may begin to lose his focus and identity.
Your husband may also have certain issues he has not been able to deal with. When this trauma comes up he gives up by creating an outburst where his wife becomes the victim.
He is actually not annoyed with you:
Sometimes, a man will start getting unnecessarily angry because there is something out there frustrating him. Instead of letting you in on what's happening to him, he may decide to keep him to himself
Later on, he begins to see himself as alone with your presence serving as no healing balm. While it is normal to see you as his comfort zone, he just gets inconvenient, with his ego preventing him from reaching out to you.
If your husband exhibits features that shows that his anger is due to environmental pressures, then you should take it lightly with him. Try not to snap back when he is acting out.
At this point, just give him a little break and try not to force anything. He will realize his deeds himself and make amends naturally.
He broods on his failure:
Men who brood on their failure end up shifting the responsibility to their wives and children. He becomes really vulnerable to opinions and allows people’s perspective of him take the better sides of his existence. So he gets easily annoyed with you because he has not sorted his feelings.
His mind is pre-occupied with pre-existing issues:
So many things might be going on in his mind. For instance, let’s say he is going through hard times at work or his boss gives him a project to do but it seems he will not be able to meet up with deadlines because the project is tedious.
Though the rule states that a man or a woman should not bring work issues home, at times the rule is not applicable to a hardworking husband.
Trying to get his mind off his work when the deadline is at hand may make him react negatively towards you. If your husband is like this, you may not be able to get him back until the pre-existing issue is sorted.
He is annoyed when you exhibit certain features:
Most people find it hard to believe that their attitudes or dispositions may make matter worse for their husband.
Though it is not in every situation but it is possible your husband gets annoyed when you do some things that you consider as minor and when you do some things over time.
Well, you may say ‘He could have told me’ you may say. Yes! But some men grew up with the mind-set of reacting to your mistakes so you will know how to handle yourself rather than telling you bluntly.
This YouTube video will give you more reasons why he is possibly angry
At what point should I be worried about his attitudes
There is a difference between an outburst that happens probably once in a while and another that is already becoming a daily activity. Outbursts that happen once a while usually do not get to a point of chaos but when your husband sees you as annoying almost every time, then you should begin to worry about it.
Being worried here is not going out of your way for anything, being worried here is paying close attention to him and his attitudes. If his act of seeing you as irritating becomes regular, then it is time to handle your marriage.
Handling a husband who is always annoyed with you requires a mental process. Portraying annoyance deals with the mind. To sort it also, you have to deal with his mind.
Here are 6 approaches to consider when dealing with a man who is always annoyed with you
Do not give room for fear:
You cannot deal with a man that is always annoyed at you if you fear him or the anger he exhibits. No matter how scary he looks when angry, never fear the anger. Understand that, anger is mostly built when one is not able to handle a situation.
You cannot handle your man by using fear to fight anger. By taking fear out of the picture, you see a baby rather than a lion.
Sort your actions:
While you may not be the actual cause of his irritation, your attitude may trigger his actions. So, look inward and see if your actions triggered his anger. At this point, you have to be honest. Think about that particular thing you do that makes him furious.
If there is any, you should change and ensure the changes are obvious. If there is none, you will have to let him know that he misunderstood you. However, this will be later
Do not think you can control him:
Anger is a habit that can be controlled not by an external factor but by the angry person himself. Psychologists have noted that before we say or do anything, we must have conceived it in our mind.
Before your husband decided to get annoyed with you at all time, the feeling must have been from his mind. You must know that you should never try to change him. In fact, let it not be a focus.
All you have to do when trying to deal with your husband is to control how you react to his excesses. In essence, when he is in his other state of mind, just be as calm as a dove.
Make excuses for him:
A man who gets angry often can either be said to be weak or said to be suffering. Making excuses for him will help you see beyond his flaws. Know that anger is not a sign of strength but a sign of weakness.
Strong people think more than act more:
The weak ones hide behind anger and try to see if strength can be derived from it. In your mind, try to believe he is suffering emotionally or psychologically.
Making excuses for him does not mean you will be convenient with his attitudes, it will only help you in helping him.
The best way to handle this is to be humorous: Try to stay positive all through this period. No matter how much you should get angry, remember that your smile is important to keep you lively. Feeling negative will only make things worse.
6 Ways To Handle Your Husband
Now that you have settled your approach, you can now deal with your husband the right way
Avoid complicating matters:
One thing I know about women is that we have the ability to complicate matters. For instance, we may decide to laugh at him when he is angry. He may see it as you are mocking him and that can lead to physical abuse.
Just like every other emotions, anger is temporary. Do not complicate it. Allow him get angry, and sooner or later, he will calm his nerves. Talking or saying unpleasant words may lead to internal or external damage on your marriage.
Talk to him when he is calm:
An angry man is a man that cannot be trusted. So, do not try to cut him short when he is angry.
I once had a friend who gets angry at all times. He yells at everyone without thinking of the repercussion. During his moments, people try to intervene in a bid to make him better only for us to realise that the attitude worsened.
Unconsciously, everyone started to ignore him during his moments. Though he didn’t notice very soon but when he did, he found himself walking towards his close allies to seek for ways on how to be passive when sorting situations.
Just like that, give it time. Even if you want to talk to him on that day, it shouldn’t be at that time because so much energy was used up. According to behaviourists, it takes about 20 mins to calm an adrenaline effect on the body. You can talk to him afterwards or later in the day.
Set boundaries and stick to them:
One way to effectively manage anger in your marriage is to stick to set boundaries. Let your husband know that you are not a waste bin where he can dump his anger. Let him know that you can no longer tolerate the way he handles situations.
At times, he may not even know the extent of his reaction. Let him know how much he got angry. If you can make a video during his angry moment, you should, but be discreet. It will be better for him to see his reactions himself
Be firm in what you can take:
People who bully others continuously bully because there is no one to challenge the bully. Just like that to, your husband will continue to vent his anger on you if you do not stop him.
Not tolerating his continuous attitude towards you does not you should do unimaginable things. You can make it known by strictly saying
‘I will not take this disrespect from a man who vows to love me for the rest of his life’
If required, apologize:
People who find it difficult to apologize are egoistic and proud. If he points out that you are one of the reasons he gets angry at all time, do not hesitate to apologize. There is nothing bad in saying ‘I am sorry’. A sincere apology is one way to calm a troubled mind.
Teach him compassion:
In as much as change is dependent on your husband, you can teach him how to be compassionate. In being compassionate, he will find it easy to handle situations.
Talk to him and let him see how compassion can make him solve situations and how compassion can make him correct mistakes.
Check this YouTube video on how to handle your husband without complicating matters.
Anger is an emotion that we all feel at one time or the other. However, different people reflect anger in different ways. While some just walk away, others voice out and even cause damage to people around.
Remember that you cannot help your husband by reacting the same way he reacted. Only patience and understanding will help. Do not hesitate to voice out. He is your husband after all. You can drop your questions in the comment session. If you know this will be beneficial to your friend, do share.
Nothing is impossible to solve.