It hurts when your boyfriend breaks up with you, but it hurts much more when you find out he has not only left you, but has replaced you, already with another woman. It’s a very awful experience which no woman should have to go through in her relationship or even marriage. However, if you would look on the bright side, it’s a win for you but you, like every other person in your shoes, would need to understand why he left you for you to agree with this opinion.
There are so many reasons as to why your boyfriend could have left.
YouTube blogger and relationship expert, Derrick Jaxn talks about THREE reasons why he left you for another woman on his blog.
- He was already in love with the other woman (probably his ex) before you started dating and was just using you to suppress his emotions for her and when he felt you weren’t enough distraction, he went back to her.
- He felt an attraction to the other woman while you were dating but refused to nip the thought in the bud, instead he nurtured it enough to act on it.
- He was already done with the relationship long before the break-up, but was just stringing you along till when it was convenient for him to leave.
Derrick says that if your man falls in the first category, you win because he is emotionally irresponsible and would be the kind of guy that cannot decide who they really love but would rather string both women along. Now, you don’t want to be with a guy like that.
If your man falls in the second category, he doesn’t value commitment, was probably already cheating before you even broke up and didn’t care about keeping your heart safe. Still, not your kind of man, is he?
The one who was done with the relationship long before you broke up was just using you until he found someone else. This one is a manipulator.
See? In the end, you will realize that you have been saved from bigger heartaches that would have lingered but would have still come. This invariably means that you are lucky it happened sooner.
Other reasons could be that:
- He was not happy in your relationship and was already having chemistry with another woman and he left so he could work on that.
- He found true love; this sometimes happens when what he had with you was not true love on his part.
It is particularly devastating when seemingly out of the blues, your husband or partner decides to end the relationship, and you, on the other hand, is at a loss for what happened and you are left asking what could have gone wrong because you never saw the signs- it is much easier when you have anticipated the end of the relationship or at least seen something that was questionable.
Despite the pain, these experiences go to show that there had been signs which we obviously overlooked or didn’t notice. A man that is emotionally invested somewhere else would have definitely not treated you right at one point or the other. These signs would serve as cues or red flags to look out for in subsequent relationships. But before then;
What do you do when your boyfriend leaves you for another woman?
Accept that he’s gone and respect his decision
Inasmuch as it is possible for him to realize his mistakes and come back to you, the reality is that he is gone (at least for now) and you have to face it. Him walking out was not a hasty decision, instead, it was well thought out and he has made his choice. Do not set out to beg him because he is not coming back, and as much as possible avoid anything that reminds you of him or going to places where you would run into him.
Mourn your loss
Your relationship just crashed. Your months, years maybe, of love, commitment and loyalty just went out the door. Its okay to cry, mourn the loss of your man. Its okay to get angry and get miserable. Take your time, grieve, vent, but make sure you see the big picture- your healing. Talk it out with your friends whom you trust. Writing is also a good way to vent. At the end, you will find that you are one step into your healing process.
Don’t blame yourself
When your man left, it most definitely dealt a huge blow to your self esteem. You probably started feeling like you were not sexy or beautiful enough. Or you were too fat or not intelligent. Honey, you have to let go of thoughts like that. Stop trying to make up reasons why he left. Stop thinking about it altogether. It would be hard, but you can.
As painful as it is, you just have to move on. Understand that a decision has been made, but life has to continue. You may feel like your world has turned upside down and you can not be normal anymore. But with time you would. It is important to take care of your body. Avoid the use of hard drugs or alcohol. They can only give temporary relief and have damning consequences. Try to eat right, sleep and do exercises to help you stay fit. You can also talk to your close friends, and always be in the company of people that love you. Make plans to go out with them consistently, the fun would be good for you.
Keep doing your thing
Give yourself enough time to heal , but try as much as possible to ease back into things you used to do before the breakup. For example, if you have a job, then you should keep going to your job (except he works at your job too). You shouldn’t put your life on hold because of someone who is probably having fun with his new girlfriend. Your own happiness is paramount here.
The next best step is to identify things you have always been interested in, but never It's the time to do. E.g. go skiing, take cooking classes, go for yoga etc. once you get busy doing all these things that you love, you will barely have time to think about the one that got away.
Go for counseling
After a while, your close friends and people around you may expect you to move on. Hence you may not feel comfortable talking to them about it anymore. There are many counseling services you can go for. You can sign up with one in your neighborhood. You can as well find a good therapist online using goodtherapy.org. Emotional therapy provides an outlet that will help walk you through your pain and shame and make your healing process faster.
Keep her out of it
It’s mostly normal to want to rip the hairs off of the woman that stole your man, but its not her fault, its your man’s fault. Now, regardless of who is at fault, and to make it easier for you to move on, you have got to forget about her. In fact, act friendly to her in the case that you know her and you bump into her. If you don’t know her, do not try to think of what she looks like.
Breakups come with vulnerability and a number of women feel its time to find a new man. It is NOT. Don’t jump from one relationship to another. Your emotional growth relies on how well you healed from the previous relationships. Replacing your boyfriend immediately will mean you have failed to give yourself time to heal and the new relationship might be an even bigger disaster, except you find someone truly amazing.
Also, allow yourself the time to heal and reconnect with yourself. Value your alone time, and time spent with your loved ones.
Career coach Laura Simms, was of the opinion that:
“Being alone is when you can consciously be in a relationship with yourself, and just like any relationship, your relationship with yourself needs nurturing”
There are several things you can do to enjoy your alone time. Like I mentioned earlier in this article, Identify activities that you are interested in, and that makes you feel relaxed. Take a walk, read, write, practice yoga etc. The goal is to take your mind off things and put you in a mood where you feel so good about yourself.
It is important that you remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there is always hope for a new beginning. You will one day look back and the memories of this experience will not bring tears to your eyes. You might not feel that way right now, but all you need is time and it will surely happen. Losing a partner to another person is one of the worst experiences in a relationship. However, when you scale through, (which you most definitely will, eventually) you become more experienced and strengthened in your subsequent relationships.
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr “Right” and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here…