Imagine the scenario: You’ve been flirting with a guy and you’ve really hit it off. You’re feeling all the butterflies and excitement that comes with a new romance and you can’t wait to see what the future brings for the two of you. Sounds great, right? You head out on some dates and things are heating up, you’re pretty certain he’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend any day now – but he never does. The question lingers in the air but he never wants to make it official.
Maybe you’ve had conversations and even expressed your hopes that he’ll take this dating thing to a more serious level. He might even have told you upfront that he doesn’t want to take it any further, but he also doesn’t want to let go, but why? There are so many reasons why he might be keeping on his hook instead of letting you go, despite the fact that he doesn’t want to make it a real relationship.
It’s important to know the reasons why he might be doing this, so you can weigh up which ones you can live with, and which you think are not worth your time or energy.
- 1 You’re Having Sex With Him.
- 2 He Doesn’t Want To Be Alone.
- 3 He’ll Be Bored Without You.
- 4 He Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To Have You.
- 5 He Doesn’t Want To Deal With The Drama.
- 6 He Doesn’t Want To Hurt You.
- 7 You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You.
- 8 He Doesn’t Want To Be Out Of Your Life.
- 9 You’re Paying For Things.
- 10 He Wants To Keep His Options Open.
- 11 He’s Scared To Commit.
- 12 Conclusion.
You’re Having Sex With Him.
It’s an incredibly shallow and awful reason, but a common one nonetheless. If you’ve been having sex with him whilst you’re dating, good for you, girl! There’s no shame in being intimate early on in a relationship, but it can blur the lines between something casual and a serious relationship. As stereotypical as it is to say it, it is, unfortunately, true that women are more likely to consider sex to be a sign that he’s got deep feelings for you. In his mind, he might just be enjoying himself, filling his boots, so to speak.
If he’s getting great sex from you, he might not want to leave, even if his feelings for you don’t run that deep. Why would he leave behind that kind of fun to be single and forced to spend his nights alone? If you want some clarity from him, your first port of call should be to take sex off the table. Once he realizes that you aren’t going to be dishing it out like you used to, the sex fog in his brain will lift and he’ll have a chance to find his morals again. He’ll be forced to decide if it really was just the sex inspiring him to keep you hanging on, or if he did in fact have real feelings hiding behind the superficial reasons why he was enjoying the sex so much.
Take a look at this video where we work out if he’s really just looking to hook up or if he’s looking for something official.
How To Tell If A Guy Just Wants Sex Or If He Wants A Relationship
He Doesn’t Want To Be Alone.
It’s sort of human nature to want to be loved and in the company of the people who care for you. It’s possible that although his feelings for you are surface-level at best, he just doesn’t want to have to be alone, so he’s keeping you close for those long lonely days. When you’re dating, you probably spend an awful lot of time together and if that were to come to an end you’d be left to your own devices.
While some people thrive on their own, independently taking themselves on adventures, others will never be the type. If he’s the type of guy to always want company, whether that’s just to go to the movies or out to dinner, or maybe even for a whole weekend away, he might just be sticking around and leading you on so that he always has a partner to explore with.
You don’t want to be his shadow, following him around because that’s the closest he’ll give you to a relationship. Take a real look at how things play out between you two and whether his level of affection and romance really matches how often he just wants to “hang out”. If he’s always asking if you’re free but doesn’t really show any interest in you when you’re together, he might just be afraid to be alone.
He’ll Be Bored Without You.
Similarly, though a much more shallow version, he might just be avoiding having nothing to keep him busy. When you’re dating someone, you tend to be quite busy spending time together and getting to know each other by going out on dates, spending entire days together and even nights at each other’s places. There’s a reason you tend to lose friends when you start seeing someone new.
If he’s starting to feel less invested in your growing romance, he might be weighing up the pros and cons of not having you around to rely on. If he wants to check out a new bar or see that blockbuster movie, and his buddies aren’t around, he’s probably used to turning to you and expecting you to be there. If he let you go, he’d have no one to hang out with and as pathetic as it is, that might be his reason to keep you around despite having no real romantic intentions.
He Doesn’t Want Anyone Else To Have You.
Men can be territorial. They want what is theirs and they don’t want anyone else to have it. That’s all good and well until what they want isn’t really theirs at all. You, a person, do not belong to him, but he considers you to be his to play with and leave behind when he’s done. If he’s not serious about starting a relationship with you then he has no claim over your heart.
If he doesn’t want to be honest and say that he isn’t looking for a commitment but is still making empty promises about your future together, it might just be that he doesn’t want you to move on and find someone else who will really sweep you off your feet.
The thought of you being with someone else can still feel awful to him even if he doesn’t feel deeply for you at all. He’s enjoying your attention and devotion to him and he wants you to hang on for him because your attraction to him serves as an ego boost. If your head starts to turn for other guys, that tells him that you aren’t as into him as he’d like. Try showing him that you have other options out there other than him and let him know that if he doesn’t want to commit, someone else will. If he truly doesn’t want a relationship, he’ll probably fire up with jealousy without changing his opinion. If he has been harboring secret feelings he wasn’t ready to admit to, he might finally reveal his true feelings and ask for something more exclusive.
He Doesn’t Want To Deal With The Drama.
Breakups, even when you’ve only been dating for a little while, can be complicated and dramatic. When you don’t feel the same as your partner, someone is going to end up hurt. There’s a good chance that he just doesn’t want to do the mature thing and tell you the truth because he doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions.
Depending on where you met, there might be even more consequences of ending your blossoming relationship that he’s been trying to avoid. If you work together or have classes together, he might be scared that it’ll be awkward and uncomfortable to be around each other if he let you go and you felt hurt. Though usually wrong, we tend to fear that our new ex will cause a scene or make life harder on purpose if we have to spend much time together post break up, especially if that time is somewhere important like work or school. The reality is that both parties tend to want to keep their distance from each other after the relationship fades out.
Find ways to let him know that you’ll be okay if he doesn’t see this romance going any further and that you won’t cause any trouble for him if you have to cross paths in the future. You deserve to know the truth and his cowardly fear of dealing with the fallout shouldn’t get in the way of his honestly. If he’s a guy worth your time, he’ll be truthful anyway.
He Doesn’t Want To Hurt You.
Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt for a moment and consider that maybe he is a nice guy and he just doesn’t want to see you hurt because he’s ended the relationship that had been growing between you. In reality, it is hard to break up with someone. It’s tough for the receiver undoubtedly, but it’s also hard for the dumper because they have to face being the bad guy. No one, or at least we hope no one, enjoys having to tell someone that they don’t feel for them in the way they had hoped.
He might be putting off the inevitable because he doesn’t want to put you through the pain of hearing that he isn’t interested, especially if you’ve been very honest with him about your feelings. While he is still being cowardly by avoiding telling the truth, his intentions are pure. Like tearing off a band-aid, it would be better to just do it quickly, for both of you.
Make sure he knows that you’re strong and that you can handle anything he has to say. Educate him on the benefits of being honest, rather than allowing him to linger in a lie just to keep you both in a naive bliss.
You’re Friends And He Doesn’t Want To Lose You.
It can be tricky, trying to navigate a new romantic relationship that has grown out of a friendship, but it’s entirely do-able. Many life-long soulmates started out as close friends, but many friendships have also been ended by attempts to make it romantic, which ultimately failed. If your relationship grew out of a great friendship, he might be keeping you around despite not wanting a relationship because he doesn’t want to lose you as a friend.
We all know how difficult things can get after a break-up. There are lingering feelings and the fact that one person will have been blind-sided and hurt while the other gets to come out having made the decision themselves. It’s not easy to go back to a simple friendship after ending a romantic relationship, and while it might be easier if you were only in the early stages of dating, it will probably never be quite the same again.
It will be okay though. In time, your friendship can always build up again and eventually get back on track. You have to be patient and not force it too much, but you can always ensure that you’ll be there for each other when you need it – maybe not in romantic woes, but always in every aspect of the rest of your lives. If you continue to be a support system, with an occasional catch up here and there, your platonic friendship will be back in no time. Make sure he knows that it’s okay if he doesn’t want a relationship because he’ll never truly lose you as he fears.
Watch this video for some great advice on how to go about dating a friend, or ending the relationship.
Will Dating a Friend Ruin a Friendship? 3 Real Life Tips!
He Doesn’t Want To Be Out Of Your Life.
Sometimes, the reasoning can be quite toxic. If he’s the protective type, and not in a good way. He might be choosing to keep you around so that he’s never out of the loop. Often, post-breakup, one of the more stressful factors is suddenly being out of your ex’s life, with no way of knowing what they’re doing or who they’re doing it with. Social media stalking will only take you so far, so some might choose to keep you hanging on despite not having any real feelings because they hate the idea of having no control.
If he’s always been a little controlling, always judging your choices and getting upset when you act with “freedom” – hanging out with other guys or dressing too provocatively – he might want to keep you around because he hates the idea of letting you run your own life or having no knowledge of the choices you’re making. If this is the case, then he definitely doesn’t respect you as a strong woman, so it’s time to pull the plug yourself.
You’re Paying For Things.
It’s a terrible thought but more common than you’d think. If your man is a bit of a mess, unemployed and a little lost in life, he might be leading you on and not letting you go because you’re his financial support.
Does he offer to pay then realize he’s forgotten his wallet, leaving you to pay for your dates? Do you find yourself always taking the bill instead of him? Balance is great in a relationship, in this modern era we don’t need to wait for the man to pay up – but it would be nice if they’d offer at least sometimes. If it feels like he’s sponging off you, it’s probably because he is. Maybe he’s always hanging out at your place over lunchtimes or inviting himself to dinner, it’s probably because you have food in and he can’t afford, or is too cheap, to buy his own. Sometimes he might even be forward enough to ask you to spot him some cash to help him get by.
If he’s been letting you spend all your hard-earned cash on him and on your dates, he might be hanging on to your failing romance so he never has to shell out his own money. If this is the case, it’s definitely time to part ways.
Similarly, you might be the only driver in your relationship. Some people are really that cheap and shallow, if he needs you to get him to work or take him out to see his friends, he really might be keeping you around just for that.
He Wants To Keep His Options Open.
Some guys aren’t ready to settle down, but they know they do have real feelings for you. They don’t like the idea that if they commit to you and make your relationship exclusive and official, they can’t continue to woo every lady they meet. If you’ve found yourself an eligible bachelor who’s been used to living it large and meeting a new woman every night, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s avoiding taking your relationship to a more serious level.
When you’re just casually dating, there’s very little limiting you or him from seeing other people, there are no rules unless you’ve set them yourself and for the most part there’s nothing stopping you from being as flirtatious and carefree as you’d like. For some, living like that is a way of life and the only way they know how to be. They like the attention and the ego boost that comes from having the attention of multiple women all at once and committing to you would mean leaving that lifestyle behind.
If he keeps telling you he wants to take it “slow” but you know he’s dating and hooking up with other women, he’s probably not that devoted to you. Any man who truly wants to be with you won’t see you as an option, you’ll be his only and he wouldn’t want to “keep it casual”.
Enjoy this video which tells you more about the signs to look out for if you’re wondering if he’s seeing other people.
Signs He's Still Dating Others – Don't Get Played!
He’s Scared To Commit.
Maybe, after all the reasons have been tested, you realize he does really like you, he’s just terrified of committing. This could be the result of all sorts of reasons, both based on real-life experiences of his and entirely made up idea’s that he’s convinced himself to fear. For many of us, the fear of commitment is fairly normal. We all understand the little anxieties we feel when we first put our hearts into someone else’s hands. They have the ability to make it or break it and we simply have to let them and trust that they’ll only ever do right by us.
If he’s been hurt in the past then it’s not so surprising that he might be afraid to truly give into the relationship due to his understandable fear that you’ll hurt him too. Once you’ve been let down by one person, it becomes very difficult to trust anyone new.
Be gentle with him if he’s been cheated on in a previous relationship as he’s likely to be afraid that you could hurt him in the same way too. Make sure you reassure him as often as possible that you’d never cheat and betray him like that and that he doesn’t need to worry that your eyes will wander. If that sort of hurt is in his past, he’ll probably be afraid that anyone could do the same again, so he doesn’t want to put all of his feelings on the line in case he’s left humiliated and vulnerable again. Give him time to see how reliable and devoted you are and remember that he does like you, he just needs to learn to trust again.
He might have also had his heart broken in other ways, such as telling a previous girlfriend that he loved her, only to have it thrown back in his face. Maybe he was rejected or dumped by someone he loved deeply. All these things would naturally lead to a feeling of nervousness and apprehension to commit to a new relationship because of the fear of the past repeating itself. Take it easy with him, tell him all you ever want is to make him happy. He’ll learn to trust soon, be patient.
Take a look at this funny video all about finally committing to a relationship!
Why Do Guys Get Scared of Commitment?
Did this list help you out? If so, let us know!
It’s important that you never let a guy waste your time, you deserve to be treated well. If you feel like he’s not putting in much effort with you or trying hard to show you his feelings, then he’s probably not that interested, he’s just trying to keep you around for a whole host of reasons. There’s nothing wrong with casually dating around to find out who you connect with and test how strong that connection could be, but if he’s only occasionally interested in you then he’s most likely looking to just keep you around for his own gain.
If you’re ready to take it to the next, more official stage and if you aren’t being fulfilled then you’re allowed to let him know that you want more. It’s up to him to decide what he wants, but it’s never a bad idea to give him an ultimatum. Let him choose, if he isn’t giving you what you want, don’t feel guilty if you feel you need to say goodbye.