After two people who’ve been seeing one another go separate ways, it’s not automatic for the feelings to go. More often than not they linger on, causing lots of turmoil. Questions like ‘is it normal to still love my ex?’ are frequent after a breakup.
It is clear it is over between you, but you can't get over your love for him. It is as if he’s a part of you, one you do not wish to let go. You wake up thinking of him and go to sleep longing for his arms around you.
After the breakup, you thought it would only be a short while before you forgot him. That has turned out to be a mirage as you feel strongly for him still. That is even though he broke your heart, causing you undue pain.
The fact it is your ex walked out on you, but your feelings constitute the breakup nightmare. To make matters worse, you are friends on social media which means the guy is just a message away. Yet seems so far.
You are not alone. Like many people that face a similar predicament, you simply have this gap in your heart that seemingly only your ex can fill. You let him into your heart, therefore, forming a bond that your heart is unable to sever now that it’s over.
He’s made it clear it is over but yet nothing much has changed in the feelings department. It is perfectly normal as feelings of love cannot be switched on and off as our mind desires. Do not be surprised if you continue to love your ex long after he’s made his stand.
How long should your feelings for him last?
It is true some people never recover after a breakup and go ahead to spend the rest of their lives mourning their ex. This is not so common however as most can bounce back after a while.
While there is no standard time to continue loving your ex, a certain length is considered normal. A lot depends on the individual and their circumstances as well as the background. One person will be back on the road weeks later yet another one takes years to get the courage to go out again.
Why does it take time to get over him?
You mourn the death of a relationship that you held dear. Your heart feels like it's been torn apart causing you to feel as if someone died. Much like when mourning the death of a loved one, you’ve just entered the first phase of mourning your ex.
You grief him, and even though he’s still alive somewhere, it feels like he’s dead to you. Not literally but the pain is intense. You’ll probably feel this way until you adjust to being away from him. No set timing.
With him go all the plans you had together, the hope for a long time together and trust me when I say you have a lot to grief for.
You probably feel stuck unable to get on with life. Nothing matters much since you’re no longer together with the one who made you smile. If not careful you find yourself slowly sinking into depression and the feeling is not pleasant.
Probably a good time for you to be on the watch out for your health, so you don’t fall apart mentally. Perhaps speak to a counselor to help you through the grieving process. The loss of motivation could affect other areas of your life if left unaddressed.
What should you do if you still love him?
The first thing is to determine whether you want your ex back. This affects the direction you take after that. Perhaps you need to talk to him about it. If that’s not what you have in mind find ways to get him out of your mind.
If you want to recover from him, you will need to get rid of all what reminds you of him. That includes no longer being friends on social media. Consider not calling him either. You’ll less likely obsess over him if you don’t get regular updates or hear his voice.
Another good idea is for you to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex. It doesn’t help to have his coat hanging in your wardrobe why don’t you pack it away from sight?
True love never really goes away. Not just the title of a favorite love song but the truth of the matter. When you share your lives together with a person, it's like a mark is made on your mind, a lot depending on how close you were.
You’ve probably watched movies of people unable to let go of a love or heard it somewhere. Consider yourself a loving person who’s unfortunate to have loved and lost. Quite a common phenomenon with most people around the globe being victims.
A step towards growth
To be able to move on you need to let your ex go. Not to say it’s easy, and you even have times of recollection where you picture yourselves together in the past. Don’t beat yourself up when that happens as there’s nothing wrong with it.
What you had is something worth holding on to memories of as it marks a step to your growth. You emerge wiser and with more experience of what is involved in falling in love.
Perhaps you’ve come out of it with a good experience of the person you’ve become. Your ex helped shape part of your life, no wonder you still love that about him. Only determine if it's him you like or just the idea of being in love.
What’s with the feelings of withdrawal?
You are probably addicted to being in love and will only rest after you get a fix. Only remember that nothing of the calls or even the text you sent can change the reality of things.
If your ex does not reciprocate you end up dealing the hurt of knowing he no longer loves you. The love you are used to no longer exists, and so you suffer withdrawal symptoms, much like with any other addiction. Only this hurts like hell.
It is normal for you to feel this way if you no longer have access to your ex. You seek a way of being able to cope and by staying to the familiar. Which still to you is to love your Ex.
How to help the way you feel?
Where are the feelings you have for your ex coming from? Is it something about your ex you still love? If that’s the case, you can make things better if you find someone to replace what your ex was to you. Since he was a great listener, getting a friend to hear you out will help your case.
Fake it till you get over him. At times all you need is convince yourself what your mind already knows does not exist. Sooner or later your mind will accept the replacement and settle for the available option. It may not be smooth, however.
Loving a person is not the same as being in love with him. You feel the love inside your heart, and it goes on long after you’re no longer together. Nothing you can help as this is someone you loved and will always love.
Thinking about your ex fills you with longing to be together. Yet despite the fact there are things about him you can't stand any longer, leaving you somewhat confused about how you feel.
It might actually be there’s something about him you still love and not really wanting to be with him. To you, it presents as love for your ex long after you’ve gone apart.
Part of getting over your ex is dealing with the hang-ups you have of him. It might manifest as love still but is a normal process you have to go through to get over him.
If you feel like you’re still in love no matter how long you’ve been apart, do not panic as it is normal. The good thing is that it's only a matter of time before reality sets in. When it does, you’ll find no reason to remain hung up on him but instead celebrate the chance to love.
It is perfectly normal to want to know if it is alright to feel love for an ex who no longer shows interest in you. What you feel is personal and comes out of your history together and is not determined by the state of things between you at the time.
The fact he’s your ex now does not mean no feelings exist. Love does not simply come and go and might take some time to get over. Accept the feelings for what they are the attempt by your mind to hold onto familiar territory.
As a pragmatic woman, Roxana didn't focus much on the matters of heart until falling head over hills for the wrong guy. After a devastating relationship, she studied the dynamics of dating and man's behavior to understand what went wrong. Her path drifted from science to letters, with the aim to share her knowledge with other women in need. She is now a contributor to Her Aspiration.