Is He Cheating? 28 Signs He’s Cheating (Husband, Boyfriend, or Spouse)
Do you suspect that he is cheating on you?
Are you sick and tired of his suspicious behavior?
Are you tired of losing endless hours of sleep due to the sadness and uncertainty as to what is going on in your relationship?
If so, keep on reading as I may have a solution for you...
The first thing you will want to do is actually rule out that he's seeing someone else right now and cheating on you.
Even if he says he isn't, he's may be covering it up so it's extremely important that you investigate a little further to make sure that he isn't.
A great way to rule this out is by using an online background checker tool (click here to check it out).
Just enter his name and details and this tool will show you where he's been recently and who he's frequently communicating with which will allow you to draw your own conclusions as to whether he may be cheating on you or not.
It turns out that some women even discovered that the man they had been dating for years was already married.
How crazy is that?
In fact, 75% of the time that women suspect that their man may be cheating, they are actually correct!
That means that for every 4 women that suspect that their husband or boyfriend is cheating, 3 of them actually are!
Once you've ruled out that he's cheating on you using this background checker, it's time to dig a little deeper.
Let's investigate some other potential signs that he may be cheating.
Signs Of A Cheater - Do All Men Cheat?
There is nothing worse than not knowing whether your man is cheating on you and while I haven’t been through it myself, one of my closest friends recently went through it which is what triggered me to write today’s blog post.
I have sat down with my close friend and looked at some of the earlier signs in which led her to believe he was cheating. I have also gathered signs that experts and psychologists have determined are signs your man is cheating.
While it may not be something you want to find out whether he is cheating, it is for the better as you don’t want to be with a man who doesn't respect you the way you should be. You deserve a man that only has eyes for you but you won’t find that man if you are currently dating a man that you are denying is cheating on you.
So do all men cheat? Of course not, but the below list give you an indication of what to look out for.
I have listed 29 signs which might mean your man is cheating on you but I have also explained how to tell whether he is cheating or whether he is just going through a rough patch.
1. Lipstick On His Collar
I’m going to start with one of the most obvious signs that a man is cheating on you and while this isn't something that my friend experienced, it is a sign worth mentioning. You've seen it in the movies or on the TV where the wife or girlfriend is sorting the laundry and notices lipstick marks on her husbands or boyfriend clothing.
You will be highly surprised as to how often this happens in the real world. Whether these cheating b**tards don’t realize it’s there or they are just too damn stupid to think that us women are stupid and won’t notice. There may be an honest reason why there is lipstick on his clothes from the night before such as some drunk woman throwing herself on him but that’s rare so if you find lipstick or makeup on his shirt it’s worth questioning him about it.
Make sure that the lipstick or makeup is 100% not your own first though as making a false accusation could damage your relationship.
2. Longer Working Days
If all of a sudden your guy is working longer days and doing a lot of overtime then it may be worth investigating as he very well could be spending those hours with another woman. One of my friends is a teacher at a school and was cheating on her long-time partner with another woman who was a teaching assistant at her school.
The affair got that serious that my friend actually thought she was in love with this woman and had even booked tickets to take her on a trip to Paris. She used to tell her partner that she was working all kinds of crazy hours at the school and still to this day she is none the wiser. I don’t know what it was that made my friend break up the affair but she did a while ago and now has a beautiful baby girl with her partner by insemination.
Saying all this though, your man may actually be working overtime but you can check this out by taking a peak at his latest wage slip. This should clearly state whether he has been doing overtime as much as he says.
3. He’s Not Present
Even when your guy is with you at home or out on a date, he can still not be present and be with you. This means that even when he is sitting next to you at home or having dinner, he is in his own little world and hardly noticing you are there.
Saying this however, when it’s a sport day and my husband’s team is playing, I can ask him a question about something and be completely ignored as if I don’t even exist. I always tell him it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes when the football is on.
If however there is nothing distracting your man such as the game and he is still not present with you, then it may be cause for concern and could mean a little investigation is needed to hopefully settle your mind that he is not cheating or if he is.
4. He’s Starting To Dress Better
Another major tell-tale sign that your man may be cheating on you is if he is starting to make more of an effort with the way he is dressing. For example, if he usually goes to work in an old suit and bed hair but then all of a sudden starts going to work in top quality suits, his hair neatly gelled back and expensive cuff links then it is time to start wondering.
There could very well be an honest reason for your man dressing better for work though such as if he has received a promotion or if a promotion is coming up and he wants to be picked. If there is nothing happening with his work though and he starts dressing better than it is certainly behavior that is worth investigating.
It doesn't just have to be for work neither, if he usually goes to the home improvement store or grocery shop dressed in sweats but then suddenly starts wearing aftershave and wearing his best jeans and shirt when going to the home improvement store then it is also worth investigating.
Take everything into consideration and investigate before making accusations though as again, false accusations can cause damage to your relationship.
5. Enthusiastic About A New Colleague
I will go back to my friend who was having an affair with one of her colleagues for this one. I remember me and my husband going to a wedding where my friend and her partner were also in attendance. As the night went on, I noticed a few times that my friend kept bringing up conversation about her ‘friend’ at work and how she done this and done that. I wonder whether her partner ever had a feeling that she was having an affair.
If you start noticing how much your man is taking about someone he works with in an excitable way then it could possibly mean that he is having an affair with that person. However if he is always talking about someone at work very negatively then it may be just that he is having problems at work with that person.
If you have concerns either way by how much this colleague is on your boyfriends or husbands mind then do a little digging to find out and hopefully just put your mind at ease.
6. He Doesn’t Notice You Anymore
It’s a sad thing when you feel you aren't being noticed by your man anymore. This could be that he didn't notice your new haircut or that you have lost weight. If your man has always been one not to notice these things then it doesn't mean he is having an affair. For example, I was watching one of the old Home Improvements episodes the other day where Jill had gotten an entirely new haircut and Tim, her husband, didn't even notice but he wasn't having an affair.
On the flip side, my husband for example notices every new hairstyle I get and always comments so if he stopped noticing then it would be a concern for me. If your boyfriend or husband is like my husband and always notices your hair, your clothes or your appearance and suddenly stops noticing these things then before jumping to conclusions, start investigating whether he may be cheating.
7. Hints From Family And Friends
When my friend was cheating on her partner, I had only ever met her partner once and so there was never a chance for hints of cheating. If you start noticing your friends or family having awkward silences when talking about how much you love your man or when they laugh awkwardly when you joke about him cheating, then they might know something you don’t.
You can’t be mad at them for not telling you as it is a very awkward situation for them to be in so all you need to do is to ask them whether they know something that you don’t. It may be just that they don’t really like your man that much but it is still worth asking. If you ask them then they should answer whereas if you don’t, they may be too scared to tell you or not know for certain and don’t want to plant the seed in your head.
8. Your Intuition
Sometimes you just have to follow your gut instinct; you can’t pinpoint what it is that makes you feel that your man is cheating but you just have a gut instinct that he is. If you can easily become the green eye monster and have ruined relationships in the past because of false accusations and constant jealousy then you need to start building your self-esteem and trust levels.
If however you aren't the type to become easily jealous then sometimes it is best to listen to what your intuition is telling you. However before you come right out and accuse your fella of cheating, make sure to investigate first by doing a little digging. If you find something that is suspicious such as a cleared call and text history, no overtime hours on his pay when he said he done overtime, or his story keeps changing about a night out then you can ask your man whether he is cheating.
9. His Accusations
One of the defenses cheaters use is accusation attacks on you to make you feel that you’re in the wrong. If you are sure that your man is cheating and have asked about it and responds by accusing you of being crazy or jealous then it doesn't mean that you are as technically he hasn't answered your question.
If your man really hasn't cheated on your then he should be hurt that you would think that and not defensive and accuse you being jealous. He might have a very good and honest as to why he has a cleared his text messages and calls such as having full storage buy you won’t know if you don’t ask.
There are a lot women out there who feel put down after their boyfriends or husbands have accused them of being crazy or overly jealous when really it should be their cheating men who should be feeling ashamed of themselves.
10. Offering To Show You His Texts And Emails
This may sound like a strange one but it is actually a good telling sign that your man may be cheating. It is easy to clear all text messages and calls from your phone and even now delete specific text message and calls but for some reason, cheating men don’t think that we women know about this.
This is why even if your guy says that he will show you his phone to prove he hasn't been cheating, it actually really doesn't prove anything. If you confront your man about cheating and he offers to show you his phone to prove that he isn't cheating then ask him that you would much rather see his phone bill instead as you can’t delete the history of it. While you can’t see what is said in any text messages, you can cross-reference to see if any text messages and calls have been deleted from his phone.
If your man offers to show you his phone but refuses to show you his phone bill then that should certainly be setting off alarm bells.
11. Being Overly Nice
If you notice that your man is being overly nice to your recently the he very well could be cheating. He could randomly start buying you flowers, chocolates, jewelry or taking you out more. While you may be enjoying all these gifts, if it isn't something he usually does then it might raise alarm bells.
Many men who cheat are either happier in life (I’m sorry to say) or are feeling incredibly guilty about having an affair. He will either buy you gifts and be overly nice because he is feeling elated or he is buying you gifts to almost make up for how is treating you.
Either way, receiving gifts to make up for him having an affair is not something any of us want to accept, I’m sure you’ll agree. The only time I ever get a gift from my husband is on my birthday and at Christmas ha-ha… is it strange that I’m happy about that!?
12. Constantly Picking Faults
While I have mentioned about men who cheat being suddenly overnice, it could actually be the polar opposite in other men. Some men very well start becoming overly picky by constantly picking out your faults no matter how small or big. It could be something as silly as you putting a fork in the drawer the wrong way or you eating crisps too loudly, or it could be something bigger.
A man who feels guilty about cheating will undoubtedly feel the constant burden of his deceit and will therefore become very irritable. This will result in him becoming a lot more picky about what you do which you will notice no doubt.
If you begin to notice your man being overly picky then tell him so, if he gets annoyed or defensive then it be worth investigating whether he is having an affair. If however he is apologetic then it could mean that there is another burden that is worrying him such as work or money.
13. He Has Unpredictable Mood Swings
One the biggest signs that a man is cheating on you is that he has unpredictable mood swings such as from going from happy to all of a sudden explosively angry or from acting normal to suddenly being overly nice. If you notice that the smallest of things set him off or that he is acting very differently lately then unfortunately it could mean bad news.
It was actually my friend who told me of this sign as she said looking back, after finding out her boyfriend was cheating, she remembered that he would sometimes start the most strangest of fights with her and would storm out of the hours and not come back for hours. She now thinks that he caused those fights on purpose so he could get away when he ran out of all other excuses.
Saying that however, he could be having unpredictable mood swings because he is having problems at work or may even be having financial problems so don’t jump to conclusions. Before accusing him of cheating, use this sign to investigate before accusing.
14. His Quick Change In Weight And Appearance
If you look back to when you were first dating, you’ll remember that you used to make a lot more effort to look good so to impress the man you are dating. Your man would have undoubtedly done the same. When you see your man making an effort to go the gym more and start to make more of an effort in his appearance; maybe a new haircut, style of facial hair or even the aftershave he wears then it may be cause for concern.
When me and my husband first started dating or at the early stages of our relationship, his physique was very much chiselled and he was very much into his designer clothing. As time has gone on, he still goes to the gym and is in good shape however not so chiselled as before. He will also hang out in his sweats and sometimes goes days before shaving. I also know that he doesn’t wear aftershave when he goes the shops or out and about. Because I know all this, I would find it shady if one day he started going to the 'shops’ with a clean shaven face, his best clothes and aftershave.
Saying all this however, it may be that your man just needs boost in his self-confidence so before jumping to conclusions, make sure to dig a bit deeper before confronting him.
15. Change In Tastes Overnight
While there is nothing wrong in trying something new, it is a bit worrying if your man start playing jazz music because he says there is a woman in work who said it was really good and now he thinks it’s really good. This means he is interested in that woman and wants to have something in common with her or admires her tastes so much so that he wants to have the same tastes so as to impress her.
My husband usually tries something new after I have tried and recommended it. For example, I decided to start getting into smoothies and kept telling him how good they are for you. After trying one, he now makes me have them. The point, when a man loves or is interested in a woman he will be interested in what she is interested in. This can be worrying when those interests are some other woman’s and not your own.
16. His Story Changes
One of the biggest tell-tale signs that your man is cheating is if his story about a recent weekend away, night out with the lads or trip to the shops has changed. For example, your man may have come back from a weekend away and said he stayed in a triple room with friends but later slips up about the double bed being uncomfortable when he told you earlier it was three single beds. This is a sure sign of shadiness and should certainly start set your alarm bells ringing.
This is one of the signs that my friend experienced and was one of the signs that made her realise something shady was going on. She told me that her ex went on a conference weekend with work and weeks after he got back he said something about being at a restaurant with one of his female colleagues but he had told my friend that it was only him and two other male colleagues going to the conference. After she told him that she thought there were no female colleagues, she said he started to get flustered and said he got ‘mixed up’. I don’t know about you but I find it hard to believe that anyone can get mixed up about the difference between a male and female colleague.
17. He Now Needs A Lot More Privacy Than He Did Before
If you notice your man is starting to need a lot more privacy lately he might be up to something which I know you don’t want to think about but it may be worth looking into without getting too obsessive. For example, if you notice that your man is spending much more time in another room than usual then it could be possible that he is chatting online or texting with his mistress.
This is only a significant sign if you and your man usually spend all or most of your time in the same room. If you usually spend time in different rooms or he works in his home office then it is hard to notice this change.
18. There Is Change In His Sexual Appetite
This doesn't mean whether there is more or less sex, this means if his sexual tastes have changed out of the blue. For example, he has always liked it when you are on top but then suddenly decides he doesn't like this anymore, or during one session he starts talking crudely to you which he has never done before. Whatever the sudden change is, it may be worth asking after why. Ask this casually though so that you can see his honest response. If he gets slightly defensive or looks a bit panicky then it could be cause for concern.
A sudden change in sexual appetite could actually be because he has watched a recent dirty movie, has read something somewhere or could have come from one of his friends so be careful you don’t accuse without enough evidence.
19. He Is Being Secretive About His Financial History
If you normally share everything financially or if you don’t share everything but he is usually open about his finances and suddenly very secretive about it then he could be spending money on another woman. Bank statements don’t just have to have hotel names on to prove he is cheating, he could have set up a PayPal account or another bank account to transfer money to. In this case, you may notice large sums of money being transferred regularly to the same bank account.
If you notice strange goings on with the finances then definitely start asking questions. Hopefully he is just saving up for an engagement ring and of course wanted to keep it from you but unfortunately it could be possible that he is having an affair.
20. He Is Being Secretive With His Phone
Another one of the biggest signs of a cheater is when he is being overly secretive about his phone lately. Sometimes I ask my husband if I can use his iPhone so I can set the timer for the pasta when my phone is upstairs or if I need to print something because it doesn't seem to work from my phone. My husband never has a problem with the small requests so if one day he said no or got angry with me then I would know it is strange and shady behavior which would I would have concern about.
If you notice your man is being overly protective with his phone such as jumping on it when you go to pick it up or if he refuses to let you use it for whatever reason, it may be time to start digging into this behaviour a little bit more.
21. You’ve Stopped Having Sex
I have spoken about him having sudden changes in sexual tastes but another sign of him cheating is if the sex stops completely or significantly reduces. If your man is already satisfied, he won’t need to be satisfied when he is at home with you. If however, you have been in a relationship for quite some time then the sex can naturally dry up so the concern may not be as strong as someone who has sex regularly.
If you and your man went from having sex every day or even a couple of times a week but then it suddenly drops to zero then that is when you should start being concerned. Again, don’t rush into accusations without digging a little deeper as maybe it is stress at work or something else that doesn’t involve him cheating that is killing his mojo.
22. He’s All Of A Sudden Jealous
You may have already heard of this one before, I know I've heard it quite a few times but whether you have or your haven’t it should definitely still be placed on this list. It is a strange thing but very common that men (and even women) will act extremely jealous when it is actually them who is cheating. This is because they know they are cheating and start to wonder whether you are doing the same.
He may start questioning where you are going or why you are wearing makeup or a dress. After you've been on a night out, he may ask whether you spoke to any guys or he may even try get angry with you every time you go out with the girls. This kind of jealousy is a sure fire sign that he is having trust issues because of his own lack of trustworthiness.
23. Neither Of You Are Happy
This is probably a sign that you either need a good sit down and talk about how you can both be happy in the relationship or that it is time to walk away. If you are both unhappy then it may be motivation for him to find happiness elsewhere. If this is a relationship that when asking yourself you are not happy with then you may just want to walk away anyway.
However if this is a relationship you wish to save, you need to find out whether he hasn’t found happiness elsewhere.
24. He Over Explains Things
If you notice your man goes into far too many details when explaining things then it could be a worry. If it is something he usually does and has always done then of course there shouldn't be anything to worry about. If it is a new development then it is time you start finding out why.
For example, if your man regularly goes to conventions with work and usually sums it up in one sentence when returning home but then this time he comes home and goes on and on about what time they got there, who was speaking, what time they left and so on then it is a sudden change of unexplained behavior.
25. He’s Always Defensive
If you ask a simple, relevant and reasonable question such as “where were you last night, I text to say goodnight but never got a reply” and he goes defensive and maybe even aggressive then something isn't right. I know my husband is hopeless with his phone when he goes out with friends once in a blue moon and when I ask where he was, he never gets defensive… he just answers the question. If one day though I ask where he was and he gets defensive and starts accusing me of being controlling then I know something would be wrong.
If you notice your man is being defensive when asking him normal and reasonable questions then unfortunately it might be time to do a little digging to find out whether he is cheating.
26. His Body Language Has Changed
This may seem like a strange one but it can certainly go a long way in telling you whether you man has changed the way he feels about you and even whether he thinking about someone else. This is a sign more for those who have been with their men for quite some time and have come to learn his body language through and through.
For example, if he always makes eye contact with you when talking and now he hardly does, he may be feeling guilty about something. If he usually shows you a lot of affection and now doesn’t then this is also something to worry about.
27. He Is Suddenly Meticulously Clean
If your boyfriend never usually cleans his car all of the time or doesn't really bother with his apartment but now suddenly his apartment is always spectacularly clean and he is out cleaning his car all of the time, then he may very well be cleaning it for another woman or hiding the evidence.
The same goes for air fresheners and aftershave. If he doesn’t normally use air fresheners in his car or apartment or wear aftershave but now suddenly does, he could be trying to hide the smell of perfume, which leads me onto…
28. Perfume On His Clothing… That isn’t Yours
If when doing the laundry one day you notice that his shirts or clothing have a distinct scent of perfume that you know isn’t yours, could very well mean he is having an affair. This sign is right up there with the lipstick on the color as in there is hardly any excuse that led to that perfume being on his clothing.
Probably the only excuse is his mother but if you already know here then you should be similar with her scent so even this excuse doesn’t mean anything if the scent is still different to hers.
Telling The Difference Between Him Cheating And Going Through A Rough Time
Some of the signs mentioned above may not mean that your man is 100% cheating on you and may mean that he is actually going through a rough time and is hiding it from you by carrying the burden himself. It could be that he has lost his job but doesn't want you to worry and so he is carrying the burden himself and pretending to go to work each day. This will inevitably lead to him taking on the same traits as those who are cheating.
He could also be worrying about money and having cover the cost of bills each month which will lead him to be irritable and constantly picking at your faults which is one of the signs of cheating I mentioned above. This is why it is so important to not jump to conclusion and go all out on your man.
Don’t Make Accusations You Haven’t Got Evidence Of
I have mentioned it over and over again throughout this blog post as it is very important. Do not make accusations without backing it up with sufficient evidence as if you are wrong, it could cause damage to your relationship.
If you notice any of the signs mentioned in this blog post, before jumping to conclusions make sure to investigate further, which leads me onto…
Clever Technology To Get Your Evidence
So, is he cheating? Perhaps if you think he is, you should try to get over it and drop it. However, in order to truly find out whether your man is cheating, you can use any of these clever technologies to get your answer:
1. Photostream – If your man has an iPhone then it will have Photostream which will automatically pinpoint the locations photos were taken. Even if your man deletes it on his iPhone, it will still be stored in the iCloud.
2. Auto-Complete – You can see who your man has been emailing even if he has deleted the emails by typing in a letter which automatically brings up a list of most used email addresses.
3. Find My iPhone – What a treat this app is. If you share the same iCloud information or if he has used your iPhone in the past to download something then you should be able to track his iPhone location using the Find My iPhone app.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Please make sure you check out this article for more dating advice for women.