I Hate My Boyfriend: What Does It Mean And What Should You Do?

Are you in a rough place in your relationship? Are you often thinking things like “I hate my boyfriend”? You aren’t alone in this and many girls have felt the same way.

I know that this is a challenging and confusing situation to be in. You don’t have to handle it on your own though. I put this topic together so that you are able to figure out what’s going on in your relationship and how to resolve these issues.

Though it can be scary, there is meaning behind your feelings. Keep reading to learn more and to find a way to fix the problem.

Do You Hate Him or Some of His Choices?

There’s a difference here and it should be taken into consideration. Maybe saying you hate your boyfriend is a bit extreme. Do you hate some of the things your boyfriend does instead?

For example, maybe you hate the fact that he lies to you or that he doesn’t spend enough time with you. You don’t necessarily hate him in these situations, but you hate the choices that he’s making.

There is a big difference here, so make sure you don’t make any major decisions based on a couple of things he’s done. This would be tough for both of you to handle and is definitely not necessary.

Of course, if you truly think you hate him as a person, then that can be handled differently. We will get into that later on, but you may not be with the right person if you hate them.

Just try to evaluate why you hate him and if it could possibly just be a few of the things he’s done. Give it some time, look for additional situations that may arise, and wait it out for a little while.

Once you’ve come to a conclusion, you can take bigger steps toward resolving the problem and talking to your boyfriend.

How Often Do You Hate Him?

If you feel like you hate your boyfriend almost every time you see him or every single day for the past month, this can be a bad sign.

It’s normal to occasionally dislike people for a number of reasons. For example, he might have said something hurtful to you. You would potentially hate him for one or two days and then move on.

If you’ve consistently had feelings of hate for the past month or longer, there could be a serious issue.

It’s time to think about how regular these feelings of hate actually are. The consistency and patterns of these feelings can tell you a lot about what’s going on.

If you don’t know the answer to this question, you should think about it and really evaluate it. This answer can give you valuable insight on how to fix the problem.

As you can probably imagine, hating your boyfriend every day is a lot different than hating him for a little bit once in a while. More serious issues can occur the longer you hate him.

How Can You Figure Out If You Really Hate Your Boyfriend?

One of the best ways to do this is by keeping track of when you hate him. Perhaps you can keep a note on your smartphone or write in a journal about it.

You should write down as many details as possible about the situation and your feelings. Write down any triggering situations or statements.

If possible, go into detail about how you have interpreted these feelings as being hateful. These clues will be helpful later on.

Once you’re feeling less hateful—if this happens—you can revisit your journal. You might have a clearer, fresher perspective at this point.

The problem is that, when you are all worked up about something, it is hard to see other perspectives. Since you were so upset with your boyfriend when you wrote in your journal, you might have seen it as being a bigger deal than it was.

There is always the chance that you will still be upset and feel the same way about the situation, but just give this a try.

Do You Feel Like You Still Love Him Too?

This can be a pretty challenging feeling to sort out. You think that you hate your boyfriend, but you also think that you love him.

Interestingly enough, this particular blend of feelings is quite common. Many girls feel this way about their boyfriends. Some wives even feel this way about their husbands.

You might feel weird thinking about this situation. How could you both hate and love someone? It’s hard to understand and the reasoning behind it is not well-known or fully known.

One possibility is that you love someone so you spend a lot of time with them. Because of this, you get tired of them or frustrated. These feelings can often feel like hatred.

If you still love your boyfriend while hating him, you should try to focus on the reasons that you love him. You might find success from spending some time apart from each other too. Maybe you hate him because you see him too much.

It can be hard to make sense of this odd combination of feelings. Just know that it’s normal and many people experience this situation. It’s just another thing to work through with your boyfriend if you choose to do so.

You Don’t Agree with His Lifestyle

One major reason that you may feel like you hate your boyfriend is if his lifestyle is much different than yours or if you disagree with some of the things he is doing.

For example, you might dislike the fact that he plays too many video games or goes out drinking with his friends too often.

It’s worth noting that you don’t have to agree with every piece of your boyfriend’s lifestyle. You can be different. You don’t have to be identical in every way possible. The two of you are unique, but you still make it work.

Of course, sometimes these differences can be annoying. They can interfere with the way the relationship works and how you get along with each other. If you aren’t getting along well, you may feel like you hate your boyfriend.

He could feel the same way about you and your lifestyle too. Again, this isn’t always a problem. It simply depends on how you deal with the differences you have.

If you dislike something about his lifestyle to the point where you just can’t stand it, it may be time to move on. You can try working it out, but you may have already made up your mind.

How to Accept Lifestyle Differences

There is no way that you can date someone who is the same exact person as you. Because of this, you and your boyfriend are bound to have some differences. You aren’t going to agree on everything. In some cases, this will lead to feelings of hatred.

To combat this, you can work on mutual respect. This is an important part of a relationship.

When you share the same respect for each other, you are allowing each other to be yourself. You aren’t restricting the person or limiting what they can do.

You may not like that your boyfriend plays golf with his friends every weekend. The only way that this really affects you is that you get less time with him, right?

He isn’t forcing you to participate or arguing constantly about golf being the best sport ever. Sure, his golf talk may be annoying, but it usually isn’t reason enough to hate someone.

Work on being more supportive. You don’t have to golf with him. You might offer to go watch one day. You might get him a new club for his birthday.

Accept what he likes and he should do the same for you.

Can Guys Tell If You Hate Them Before You Talk to Them About it?

This depends on the guy. Some can figure it out and others can’t. Think about past situations with your boyfriend and how observant or oblivious he has been. There is not always consistency here.

Still, a more observant guy will be more likely to pick up on certain things. This is true of all people. Being observant is just part of a person’s character.

Even if your boyfriend doesn’t notice that you hate him specifically, he may notice that something is unusual. You might be talking to him like you haven’t before or acting in a way that you only do when something is wrong.

If you notice your boyfriend acting differently around you, he might have realized that you don’t quite feel the same way. He might be trying to see how much you care by treating you unusually.

If this happens, it’s a good idea to talk to him and make sure he knows what’s going on. You don’t have to tell him you hate him, but you can let him know that you don’t feel the same way you did before.

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About Hating Him

Now, nobody is going to be overjoyed if you tell them that you hate them. I can’t think of a single instance where that would be a positive thing to say. It’s the farthest thing from a compliment.

You don’t need to come right out and say that you hate him. That’s definitely not necessary. You can let him know that you don’t like it when he does a certain thing. Just be very cautious.

You should mention that you feel differently about him or that your feelings have changed. Then you can ease into the whole discussion about you hating him.

One tip would be to not even use the words “I hate you”. There is a very slim chance that these words would be taken well in this context. It’s better to keep things a little bit broader.

As you talk, try to stay calm and avoid getting angry. A relaxed attitude may help him to understand and process the information in a healthier way. Plus, this can help you to avoid additional conflict.

How Can Hateful Feelings Affect Your Relationship?

If you’re constantly feeling like you hate your boyfriend, your relationship will begin to suffer the consequences. You might already be experiencing some of the common issues.

For example, you might feel like you can’t stand to talk to him about serious topics because of the way he tends to argue. Of course, you cannot avoid these topics forever, especially when they are related to your relationship.

You will probably want to talk to your boyfriend less or spend less time with him if you hate him. This will begin to tear you two apart and make it tricky to interact with one another. You have probably seen couples who can’t talk without arguing.

It’s easy to see hateful feelings are not healthy in any type of relationship. You will find yourself pulling away from your boyfriend and being less connected.

In general, hateful couples are more likely to get into disagreements and arguments. If you aren’t happy with your boyfriend for one reason, this can affect your entire mood. From there, you will be more belligerent.

Continuing to have these hateful feelings is not healthy in your relationship or for you personally. Make sure you find a healthy way to manage these emotions so that you can keep the peace with your boyfriend as much as possible.

Should You Ask Your Friends for Advice?

You might feel like you can go to your best friends for anything. This should be true most of the time. You probably ask them for fashion, family, and friendship advice.

When it comes to relationships, you need to tread lightly. Too often, girls spill all of the relationship issues to their friends, which violates the trust in the relationship.

It’s definitely okay to keep things vague when you tell your friends about your relationship issues. In this situation, you might mention that you don’t like your boyfriend as much as you used to or that you are getting tired of his attitude.

Giving exact examples and bad talking him isn’t going to help. Plus, any of this information could get right back to him. That would make the situation much worse than it already is.

Sure, you might get more thorough advice if you tell your besties every last detail, but you will be potentially breaking the trust between you and your boyfriend.

Be respectful of your boyfriend if you choose to ask for advice. Everyone needs help here or there, but we have to be mindful of how others may feel about the details we’re disclosing.

Should You See a Therapist?

It can be a very good idea to visit a therapist or a counselor so that you can get some insight on what to do. Therapists are professionally trained to handle these types of situations in relationships.

By going to a reputable therapist, you will be in good hands. You will be able to come up with a plan so that you can go from hating your boyfriend to loving him more.

Going to a therapist takes effort. You have to want to go and talk about your problems. You have to be committed to fixing the issue.

You should also be prepared to be honest and share your real feelings. By doing this, you will be allowing the therapist to help you even better.

Sometimes, your boyfriend may not want to go. In this case, you could definitely go on your own. This might be your only option.

Once you receive some valuable information, make sure that you use it in your life and in your relationship. This might be a guide that is specific to your particular needs. You might have a particular goal or plan to follow.

What Should You Do If Your Boyfriend Hates You Too?

This somewhat simplifies the issue. In a way, it can be easier to mutually break up as a result of your boyfriend hating you.

Plus, if your boyfriend realizes that this is a problem, you two may be more likely to work together to resolve it. You can both work on identifying why you hate each other and what steps you want to take to fix it.

In this case, your boyfriend may be more willing to visit a therapist with you and get additional help.

Mutual breakups can be a lot simpler than other breakups. A mutual breakup would come into play here if you and your boyfriend are both uninterested in making the relationship work long-term.

The best way to find out if your boyfriend dislikes you too is to talk to him about it. Explain how you feel. I know it will be hard to hear it if he does, but you will be on the same page then.

Is Breaking Up with Your Boyfriend Your Only Option?

There are many ways to handle the situation. Not all of them involve breaking up with your boyfriend. It really comes down to how hard you want to try to make things work. Some relationships and feelings may not be worth it.

If you feel like putting in the effort to work things out, I would definitely recommend it. Many relationships end simply because people do not want to put in the time and energy to resolve their issues.

This may mean that you need to regularly discuss your feelings in the relationship or check in on how the other person is doing. This will help your boyfriend to understand what you’re going through emotionally.

You could also consider taking a short break. This might last a few weeks or a couple of months. The purpose of this is to help you to reset your relationship. When you do this, you might come back feeling refreshed.

Taking a relationship break doesn’t always do the trick, so be prepared to try some other options afterward.

As you work through these emotions, you may find a way to fix the problem without breaking up. If this is possible, that’s great. Don’t force it if it isn’t there though.

Should You Break Up with Your Boyfriend?

You shouldn’t break up with your boyfriend right off the bat. There are some steps that should be taken leading up to that major decision. You don’t want to break up with him too quickly, especially if there are effective ways to fix the problems that you’re experiencing.

Once you feel like you’ve exhausted all of your resources and options, a breakup may be the best choice.

If you have been in a relationship with your boyfriend for a while, it’s a good idea to really think this over. Consider everything you will be throwing away when you end the relationship. This isn’t meant to make you change your mind, but it should help you to make your decision.

If you do decide to break up with your boyfriend, you should be careful. Breakups are hard enough as it is, so try not to make it too nasty and hurtful.

You shouldn’t necessarily lie about why you’re breaking up with him, but come up with a better reason than hating him. Perhaps you could explain that your feelings for him are changing or that you are unhappy in the relationship.

Here is a video on breaking up the right way:

Conclusion

Just because you feel like you hate your boyfriend doesn’t mean you need to break up. There are ways that you can work together to work through these problems. There is also the chance that you hate the way that your boyfriend acts but not him entirely.

Make sure you evaluate the situation and talk to your boyfriend before you make any major decisions in the relationship. There are solutions to almost every problem, but they do take time and effort.

If you have any questions or comments, be sure to leave them below.

Aubrey Meister
 

I’m a college student with several years of dating experience. I enjoy researching relationship and communication skills to improve my own relationships and the relationships of others as well. As a college student, I have spent time offering advice to friends as needed.

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