Recently, I was in a public transport and just behind me was a mother and her daughter who was married. Based on my presumption, it seemed she just got married as she kept complaining to her mother about her marriage.
Then suddenly, she said, “husband won’t let me see his phone mum”. This statement got to me as I asked myself why she feels so concerned about viewing her husband’s phone so early in her marriage. This has bothered me ever since which is why I have decided to write this to prevent blissful marriages from falling apart.
Should I be worried?
- 0.1 Should I be worried?
- 0.2 Is he cheating?
- 0.3 Are you the cause?
- 0.4 Insecurity
- 0.5 Mistrust
- 0.6 Snooping
- 0.7 Overreaction
- 0.8 Jealousy
- 0.9 How do I handle it?
- 0.10 Talk to your husband
- 0.11 Discuss with him respectfully
- 0.12 Accept your faults if there are any
- 0.13 Work on yourself
- 0.14 Be patient
- 0.15 Settle the issue in-house
- 0.16 Respect his decisions
- 1 Conclusion
Because your husband does not allow you view his phone does not mean you should be worried. Most times, we women get really worked up about a couple of things without properly analyzing the situation. Before I can give an answer to your question, I would like for us to properly consider every possible reason for his actions.
One thing you should be fully aware of is the fact that worrying does not solve and cannot solve the problem at hand. More so, worrying does not allow you handle the situation at hand properly and it can also cause a lot of problems to your health conditions. So, whether we find out that there is a reason to worry or not, my advice is that you should avoid worrying and focus on the problem at hand. For more information view this video
Is he cheating?
Most times, we women could get so paranoid, attributing every action of our husbands as them having extra marital affairs. Truth is such thinking is very wrong and can elude you from the joy and happiness that comes with marriage.
If there are reasons to doubt your husband at all, always make sure cheating is the last reason that comes to mind. This would help you live a healthy live and enjoy a healthy relationship. There are countless reasons why your husband could be hiding his phone from you aside from cheating.
Some other reasons why he could be hiding his phone
- Your husband maybe a very romantic man who has certain plans for you. He might want to throw a surprise and to do that he has exchanged texts with some people. To keep it discreet from you, your husband might have to keep his phone away from you. He might be very rigid with it by taking his phone with home even to the bathroom but you would not want to blame him as he does not want to take any chances
- Also, your husband could be hiding his phone from you due to work protocol. He might have businesses that are peculiar to him alone. I know you might think that everything should be shared between you both but it depends on his work protocol. For instance, if he is working for an investigation or crime establishment, there is a limit he can tell you about his work. This could be to keep you safe or he is just sticking to the rules
- It could also be that your husband values his privacy. To him, it could be that he is just protecting his privacy and not that he is hiding anything from you. Watch this formore information. Before coming to any conclusion, you need to access the situation clearly asking yourself certain questions like
- When did he start keeping his phone from you?Knowing this would help you determine exactly what the problem is and how best to tackle the problem.
- Has he always kept his phone from you? This would help you determine if it is purely his nature to keep his phone private or he just developed such an attitude. More so, answering this question can help you assume if you think he is planning something special for you
- Is he aware that you have noticed his actions?This question would help you take appropriate steps in knowing how to solve the issue at hand. If he is not aware of his actions, he most likely is just a person who values privacy. If it is the other way around, he could have some secrets he is avoiding from you
- Apart from hiding his phone, has his attitude towards you changed?This is to determine if the whole hiding phone from you thing is a general problem or not. Does he pay attention to you like he used to? How about the children? Does he carry out his responsibility as he is supposed to? Does he call you frequently while away?
- Does he spend more time outside than normal?Guys that cheat would most likely spend more time outside than normal. So, you must pay attention to his movement. By this, I do not mean you monitor him or you that you hire a private investigator. I am simply saying you pay attention to the time he comes home and compare it to other times
You would notice I have not excluded the fact that he is cheating or not. All I have done so far is to expand the options. This implies that there is a chance that he is having an extra marital affair but we cannot rule out other possibilities.
The purpose of this is to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and remember we are trying to solve an issue, it is wise to take it systematically. Afterwards, it is time to access your self critically.
Are you the cause?
Some times, the actions and decisions people take are borne out of a reaction to something. Your husband could just be a victim of your actions. However, it is just ideal that you assess your self also.
Are you insecure? Do you nag to know everything about your husband and the contacts he keeps? If you do, then it must be a reason your husband is keeping his phone away from you. It might be that he is just fed up with your insecurity issues and he is tired of having to explain stuffs to you or he is just protecting you from details that he thinks makes you feel insecure.
If he is tired of your insecurity issues, then you need to work on yourself a lot, call him for a discussion to have things sorted. If he is protecting you, then you should give him credit for that. You would still have to talk to him even though
Based on what I have seen around, I have noticed that issues like this are borne out of mistrust. The question then to ask your self is do you have trust issues? By that, I mean do you have an issue trusting people? If you do, then the problem is not your husbands’ but yours. You might just need to learn to trust him well enough. If he is keeping you away from his phone, it could be to prevent any hassle. So, the bulk of the work is on you.
Are you fond of snooping around his phone and personal things? Has he caught you a couple of times trying to find out what you are not meant to know about? If he has, it is normal for him to put up a protective fence. In every marriage, there should be a level of privacy that you both should give to the other. Most times, snooping is a product of mistrust or why else would you want to view your husband phone always? There is a lot of work to be done if this is the case
I would not be so surprised if this is just an overreaction. At times, because something happened a couple of times does not mean that is it. For instance, your husband might take his phone to the bathroom because he is expecting a call. He could be fond of turning his phone down or he just did it unconsciously. Whatever the reason, you need to be sure you are not just overreacting about this issue.
It is fine to be jealous but not to the extent of it affecting your marriage. Is your husband keeping his phone away from you because he noticed how jealous you could be? Are you worried that he is not letting you view his phone because you want to know his conversation with his female partner at work? Watch this
How do I handle it?
Having tried to analyze every possible reason he is keeping his phone away from you, there are steps you would have to take to keep your marriage intact. This is important because, if you think you can continue to live like nothing has happened, then, be prepared to have a lot of issues to deal with. Here are ways to handle the whole situation
Talk to your husband
Communication is the most important way to keep the relationship going. Find the most appropriate time to talk to him. Tell him about your worries. Do not try to over talk here. Allow him the chance to talk and to explain himself. You can spice up the communication process by taking him on a date or by writing to him and asking that he replies you.
Discuss with him respectfully
It is not impossible that you might want to flare up maybe at the reason he gives or if he tries to avoid talking about the issue. Rather than get angry, shouting at him, appeal to his emotions. Make him talk by respecting him. Remember we are trying to solve a problem, right? If he claims to be having an extra marital affair, although it is most likely he does not own up, the next thing is not to flare up. Rather try to remind him of how it all began between you both and how much you love him. If he keeps his phone for other reasons, let him know he needs to be less rigid and assure him you would not go around snooping
Accept your faults if there are any
If you were the reason for his actions and in actions, acknowledge it. It is no time to defend your attitude or actions. Apologize to him and ask that things go back to normal on the basis not to allow it happen again.
Work on yourself
If you realize after the conversation that you just overworked yourself thinking something was wrong, then you need to work on yourself. If you were just being jealous, or you have issues trusting or whatsoever reason, you just need to work on yourself. In fact, you can take time out to visit the counsellor. This is to ensure you do not allow your kind of person affect your relationship.
Patience is a virtue they say. After you must have discussed with your husband, do not expect an automatic change in behavior. It might take sometime for him to adapt. However, when you notice that he is being extreme, you can caution him by saying something like, ‘hey dear, you do not have to worry, I respect your privacy’ or you could just remind him to learn to trust you
Settle the issue in-house
Do not for any reason take this issue outside your home. It is a husband and wife issue. Try not to involve any 3rd party. At most, you guys can go visiting a counsellor but not inviting family members and friends.
Respect his decisions
You must take him into consideration in all that guys decide to do. If he wants his privacy, do not try to infringe on it. Some people are just naturally like that, your husband could be one of such People. You can watch this for more info
Considering all that has been discussed, we would have realized that the best way to deal with this issue is not to worry but to take actions. I did not get to hear the response the mother to the lady I met in the bus give her daughter but if I get to meet her again, I would tell her all these.
Always remember that seeking solution is the best way to solve any issue in marriages. I hope you have learnt quite a mouthful. If you have any questions or comment, drop them in the comment section below.
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr “Right” and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here…