Husband Talks About Female Coworker (Should I Be Worried?)

Husband Talks About Female Coworker (Should I Be Worried?)

It can be concerning when your husband starts to frequently talk to you about a female coworker. Not only do they spend a lot of time together at the office, but he may be reluctant to introduce the two of you due to the nature of his working relationship with her – exacerbating your concerns that there’s something more going on between the two of them.

From hearing about their lunch dates to noticing work-related texts from her on his phone, you may start to wonder if you’ve got something to be worried about, after all – it’s not unheard of for a married man to fall in love with another woman.

No matter how long you’ve been married for, there are occasions where you might need to have a chat with your husband about his relationship with his ‘work wife’ in order to save your marriage and alleviate your anxieties.

When to Worry About Your Husband’s Female Coworker

Your husband striking up a new friendship with a female coworker can be difficult. Of course you can’t tell him that he’s not allowed female friends, but what happens when a work relationship starts to blossom into something more?

Most relationships between male and female colleagues are purely platonic, and it’s more than likely that your husband’s female coworker is just a good friend. But the following signs could indicate that there’s something more going on between your spouse and his ‘work wife’ and signify that it’s time to have a chat with your husband about his new friend.

1. He Starts Seeing Her Outside of Office Hours

If your husband starts seeing his ‘work wife’ outside of office hours, then you might be worried about their work relationship blossoming into something more. If they’re working on a big project with a tight deadline, or his job requires out-of-hours contact, then there’s very little cause for concern.

However, if they start going out for meals, to the cinema or just catching up over a coffee, it might be worth having a chat with your husband and letting him know their extra-curricular activities are making you uncomfortable.

Any understanding husband should acknowledge your concerns and talk you through his relationship with his colleague in order to put your mind at ease and reassure you that there’s nothing untoward going on.

But if your husband becomes defensive, angry or tries to deny your allegations, then this might be a sign that your anxieties are justified and that there’s something more going on between him and his colleague.

2. You See Texts From Her on His Phone

Whether he’s got a separate work phone, or you’ve noticed him going on his phone a lot more in the evenings – if your husband is texting his female coworker outside of office hours, then this might be a red flag.

There are, of course, instances where there’s no cause for concern, such as work emergencies, or conversing about big projects. However, if you’ve noticed texts unrelated to work, or any sign of flirting, then you might have something to worry about.

Although it’s possible that your husband is just good friends with his coworker, you need to address the issue head on and let him know that it’s making you feel uncomfortable and find out exactly what is going on between the two of them.

Your husband may not have realized how suspicious his actions look to you, but a quick conversation can help to put your mind at ease and give him a chance to change his behavior.

3. He Won’t Let You Meet Her

If the relationship between your husband and his female coworker makes you uncomfortable, then you might be keen to meet her in order to alleviate any concerns you have about the two of them.

If your husband agrees to setting up a meeting with the three of you and goes out of his way to introduce you to his work mate, then you can rest assured that their relationship is purely platonic and that he believes that she sees him purely as a guy friend.

However, if your husband avoids your requests to meet her and it’s clear that the two of you meeting makes him uncomfortable, then you should probably take this as a sign that their relationship might be something to worry about. After all, no man would be willing to introduce his wife to a woman he has feelings for.

A platonic friendship is no cause for concern, so your husband should be happy that you want to meet his new work mate. However, if their friendship has crossed the line into something more and your husband is acting shifty when you say you want to meet her, then this is another sign that you may need to bring up your feelings about their relationship with him.

4. He Compares You to Her

It can be frustrating and upsetting when your husband compares you to other women, especially when you’re not completely comfortable with their relationship in the first place.

If your husband starts to compare you to his female colleague,  such as her work ethic, or the fact that she goes to the gym more often than you – it might be a sign that he’s making more comparisons in his head and weighing up his relationship with both of you.

Additionally, this might be an indicator that your husband isn’t one hundred percent happy with everything in your marriage. Whether you don’t pay him as much attention as you used to, or he just doesn’t feel his needs are being met – comparing you to other women in his life can allude to the fact that there’s something deeper going on.

Although it may be a little difficult, bringing it up with your husband and letting him know that being compared to other women upsets you will give him the chance to discuss any of his concerns with you at the same time and help you two to sort out any issues in your marriage.

5. He Buys Gifts for Her

The office secret Santa is no cause for concern, however, if your husband starts buying gifts for his female coworker, this could indicate that their platonic friendship has crossed the line into something more.

If you find out that your husband has been buying gifts for his colleague, then you should certainly approach him about it. Whether he tells you she’s just gone through a bad break up, or she was celebrating a special birthday – if your husband is buying gifts for another woman, you’ve got every right to be angry and upset – especially if it’s on your joint bank account!

Whether it’s a box of chocolates or a personalized piece of jewelry, giving another woman a gift is crossing a line and you need to discuss it with your husband as soon as possible. It’s likely he thought he was just doing a nice thing for a friend, but if you don’t address smaller issues, there’s every chance that your husband will continue to blur the lines and cause major problems in your marriage. 

When Not to Worry About Your Husband’s Female Colleague

Although your husband talking about another woman can spark feelings of jealousy, it’s important to keep in mind that your husband spends a lot of time at work and it’s more than likely that he and his female colleagues are just good friends.

1. He Speaks About Her in a Platonic Way

Next time your husband talks about his female colleague, you should listen to the way he talks about her. Does he comment on her looks, or does he talk about the excellent report she submitted that day?

If it’s the latter, then it’s more than likely that your husband’s friendship is nothing to worry about and he simply has a lot of respect for his female colleague – after all, men can have female friends without there being anything to worry about.

2. They Don’t Speak Outside of Work

Although you may be worried about your husband’s work relationship becoming something more, if your husband doesn’t contact his female colleague outside of work, then it’s likely that there’s nothing more going on between them.

Equally, if they don’t follow each other on social media, then this may also put your mind at rest. Just because your husband frequently talks about a woman he works with, you’ve got no reason to worry if he’s not interested in her life outside of work, confirming that their relationship is purely professional.

3. He Alleviates Your Worries

One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is communication, so rather than silently worrying about his relationship with a woman he works with, it’s important to discuss it with him to put your mind at rest.

It’s likely your husband has no idea about the way you’re feeling, allowing him to address your concerns and stop worrying about his colleague every time he goes to work.

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