Do you feel as if you’re the only woman in the world whose man won’t take the plunge and fully commit to having a serious relationship?
If so, I want you to know that you are not alone.
In fact, one of the most common relationship problems that women have is that they don't know how to make a man commit. I’ve often noticed that when men say they don’t want to commit, the truth is that they are scared to death of being found out for who they “really” are.
No matter what your man’s going through, the most important thing to remember is that you are not to blame. Men often feel a lot of pressure to share intimate details about their life that they aren’t proud of.
Maybe it’s something that would embarrass them or even make them feel emasculated, as if they are now less of a man for being open and vulnerable. However, there are “good” and “bad” reasons why your man may refuse to make the jump towards commitment. – “Good” reasons can include things like not having the time to pursue his favorite hobbies and meet up with his guys once in a while. – “Bad” reasons are the red flags you’re primed to find in men – lying about other women he’s seeing, being in a financial hole, hiding a criminal past, and more.
If you want to find out what those “bad” reasons are without having to manipulate your man or force an ultimatum (because that NEVER works)…
I highly recommend using a trusted online background checker to find out whether your man is hiding the “good” reasons or “bad” reasons. All you have to do is enter his name into the system, and it will tell you who he spends his time with and where he has recently been.
You’ll be able to get all of this information without needing to manipulate your man, force an ultimatum or place a plot of pressure on him.
If your man doesn’t have any “bad” reasons, you are in the best position possible for helping your man get through his commitment issues…
My Personal Story On Getting My Man To Commit
- 1 My Personal Story On Getting My Man To Commit
- 2 Why Is It Important To Have Commitment
- 2.0.1 Leave The Hunting To Him
- 2.0.2 Don’t Be An Open Book
- 2.0.3 Have Your Own Life
- 2.0.4 Apply Reverse Psychology
- 2.0.5 Don’t Idolize Him
- 2.0.6 Don’t Use Sex To Bring Him Closer
- 2.0.7 Remain Attractive
- 2.0.8 If You Let People Mistreat You, They Will
- 2.0.9 You Don’t Want Him, You Want A Real Relationship
- 2.0.10 Talk To Him But Without Adding Pressure
- 2.0.11 Be A Woman With Substance
- 2.0.12 Connect Physically And Emotionally
- 2.0.13 Let Him Know You Are Independent
- 2.0.14 Let Him Confide In You
- 2.0.15 Make Him Feel Special
- 2.0.16 Be Yourself
- 2.0.17 He Can Keep His Freedom
- 2.0.18 Don’t Let Him Do Too Much For You
- 2.0.19 Don’t Make Him Jealous
- 2.0.20 Make Him Realise He Needs You
- 2.0.21 Meet The Family
- 2.0.22 Don’t Give More Than You Want
- 2.0.23 Be His Greatest Champion
- 2.0.24 Praise His Masculinity
- 2.0.25 Pay For Date Nights
- 2.0.26 Get Along With His Friends
- 2.0.27 Rock His World
- 2.0.28 Make Him Earn It
- 2.0.29 Now You Have Your Prince Charming…
I know how frustrating it can be when you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level, and figuring out how to get your man to commit, but he just keeps putting it off or giving you lame excuses. Because I have lived it and got my man to commit, it’s only fair that I share all my secrets on how to make a man commit so you can too have your prince charming.
One of the most important things is to not blame yourself; he may have commitment issues that he feels uncomfortable talking about.
Before we get into the meat of it, let's go over a couple of things you absolutely shouldn't do to get your man to commit.
- Don’t add pressure to the relationship where it doesn’t need to be added, it will do no favors to either you. Make sure to have your own life and more importantly, let him have his own life too.
- Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to spend every minute together. Men tend to like women who give them space as they feel you share the same values of love and freedom as them.
- Some things that should certainly be avoided is lying, pressurizing, manipulating and ultimatums… these are a big no-no and may do the opposite and push your man further away.
It shocks me how many times I read about women giving their men ultimatums, if you really love someone you wouldn’t do this to them. You need dig deep into the underlying problem rather than force someone down the aisle.
Men who are scared to commit don’t like being pressurized to commit. Don’t make them feel that just because they are committing doesn’t mean they have to stop doing the things they love to do such as enjoying time playing poker, watching the football game or hanging out with friends. They can still enjoy all these things just as you can too.
Why Is It Important To Have Commitment
Now with the elephant out of the room, and before I take you through the steps on how to make your man commit, I want to go through why commitment is important in a relationship.
- You will better be able to see the direction the relationship is heading
- You will both feel safe and secure knowing you have someone to rely on.
- With commitment comes true intimacy.
- You will enjoy spending time together doing the things that make you both happy.
- Commitment means you will both feel more connected to each other and will bring you closer.
Leave The Hunting To Him
Be the one that is being hunted not you hunting him. Start to decrease the amount of times you text him and go on dates… don’t make yourself so available. By playing hard to get, the hunt will be left to him and will make him commit faster without even knowing it.
This has been a secret among us ladies for many years and has never failed us… It certainly never failed me and I’m living proof! It is a lot harder than it sounds though as if you love him, you will no doubt want to spend every minute with him and fighting against that feeling can be hard. Just because you are lessening the amount of texts and dates, doesn’t mean you can increase the amount of Facebook activity.
Keep the relationship off of Facebook as much as possible. When he does text you, ring you or SnapChat you, ignore it for a couple of hours and then reply. Don’t do this every time but only after he messages you first after several hours. If he thinks he is losing you, he will fight harder to win your love.
Don’t Be An Open Book
Keep a sense of mystery around you to keep him interested. Even if you have been together for months or even years, you can still be mysterious by taking up new hobbies and activities without him. By not being able to read you like an open book, he will desire you more and want to find out all there is to know about you.
As time passes, this desire will turn into love and he will come to love all your uniqueness. If you aren’t sure whether he 100% loves you though, check for these signs he loves you. As well as starting new hobbies and activities, you can also keep a sense of mystery by not giving every single detail of your life.
For example, when you go out on a night out with the girls leave some things to yourself like where you went and what you had to drink. This might be a trickier one to handle though as you don’t want to be too mysterious and make him think you have cheated on him, there is a very fine balance to this… you don’t want it to backfire and turn into an unnecessary argument.
Have Your Own Life
If you’re enjoying your own life as well as being with him, he will learn that he can do the same too. Stay in touch with your friends and keep up hobbies or take up new ones. I have seen it happen so many times where women in relationships lose touch with their friends.
Even if you meet up with friends once a month for lunch or dinner and go to a dance class or gym class every weekend or weekend, you will be enjoying time that doesn’t evolve around your man. If your man wants to go out with friends once a week then let him, you still have the other 6 days don’t you?
It is important for both you and him to enjoy other things so you can keep the relationship fresh and always have something to talk about. Having hobbies also have other benefits to relationships by keeping stress down, research was done to back this theory. Stress can put strain on a relationship so having less of it is certainly adding more fun.
Apply Reverse Psychology
Don’t let him believe that the only thing women want is to be in a serious relationship and achieve the ultimate goal of being married. You need to show him that you don’t want to commit but without giving him the feeling that you don’t want to be with him.
The more he realizes that you aren’t crazy about commitment, the more he will feel at ease and enjoy the time he spends with you without worrying. This will naturally lead to him wanting to commit without him even realizing he has got to that point… it will just happen.
There is no point in playing games, to make this work just simply forget about it and you will soon see a difference whether will be in a few weeks or a few months. Everyone is different and every relationship is different and sometime the best thing to do is to forget about making him commit and let it happen naturally. I have every confidence technique will work.
Don’t Idolize Him
Don’t idolize him like he is some kind of god or that he controls you. If he buys you gifts, accept them graciously but don’t give him a feeling that he can control you with these material things or any other things. There is only one person who is control of your life and that is you! You can do this by simply oozing self-confidence.
If he wants to go out with his friends or for a poker night then let him, you’re not his mum. Show him that it doesn’t bother you if he goes out with friends, you’ll have a nice cozy night in watching movies and enjoy time to yourself. Your life doesn’t revolve around him and you need to show him that you are a strong and clever woman who can take care of herself. And anyhow, would you like it if someone stopped you from doing the things you like to do? I’m guessing the answer is no, so don’t stop him.
Don’t Use Sex To Bring Him Closer
One of the worst things you can do is use sex as a tool to bring him closer to you… it won’t work. While being physical is important in relationships, it isn’t the be all and end all. Healthy relationships also need an emotional bond that can be built on trust, communication, fun and more.
You can’t rely on sex and sex alone to make your man commit. This also works the other way round, you can’t use sex as a weapon and tell your man that the sex will stop until he commits as this won’t work either. The key here is to build your emotional bond with him by enjoying doing other things together that doesn’t involve sex. This could be going out for dinners, hitting the gym together or travelling together.
I kind of almost want to turn my nose up at this one but there is nothing wrong with wanting yourself and your partner to look attractive… this works both ways. I’ve been there myself when I have not shaved my legs for about a week and have spotted with armpit shadow but yet I still moaned at my partner for not shaving his unsightly beard.
I soon learnt from my hypocritical ways and started to make an effort in my appearance and I actually felt better for it and had a lot more confident. Being attractive doesn’t just mean what you look like on the outside however; it is also an emotional trait too. A woman who is independent and confident is attractive to men, jealousy and dependency is not.
If You Let People Mistreat You, They Will
If you don’t like they want your man does something that upsets you then tell him, don’t let him walk all over you because if he can he most likely will. I’m not talking the silly things picking his nose or the way he eats. I’m talking about things that truly upset you like going to meet an ex-girlfriend because who has just arrived in town for a short stay or going on 2 day drinking benders unannounced.
You can’t just shrug your shoulders at this and tell him that it’ ok and you understand. Let him know that these actions hurt you deeply and if he cares, he will listen and take note not to do it again.
You Don’t Want Him, You Want A Real Relationship
It surprises me how many women find themselves having the wrong priority. Ask yourself this, do you want to be in a serious relationship or do you want to be with your man? What may have started as you wanting you man may have over the weeks or months turned into wanting a serious relationship.
Don’t let this focus takeover your number one priority which is your man. The more it takes over your thoughts and life, the more he will feel that it is not him that you want but a serious relationship status. Men have feelings that can hurt too so make sur he knows that he is what you want more than the serious relationship status.
Talk To Him But Without Adding Pressure
Sometime the easiest thing to do is to be straight and talk to your man about how he feels about commitment. Tell him you’re not asking him to marry you or anything, just his viewpoint. Make it more of a blasé off the cuff conversation rather than a super serious “let’s sit down” conversation.
Let him feel comfortable in telling you how he honestly feels without getting angry, argumentative or defensive if you don’t agree with some of the points he makes. Don’t finish the conversation by asking him to commit, just leave it at that. He will feel more comfortable opening up around you and will feel that you respect his opinions.
Be A Woman With Substance
Making your man commit can take time and effort. You want to send him signals that you are ready to take the relationship further but at the same time don’t want to overdo it so it becomes an obsession or pressurizing. Don’t let the relationship become boring, keep an element on fun and excitement in it by doing something new together, going on nights out or trying something new in the bedroom.
Doing things without him can also stop your man from being bored so let him miss you once in a while. You can also show that you are valuable to the relationship by being good at such things like baking, DIY, good career and more.
Connect Physically And Emotionally
By keeping an air of mystery about you, your man will become obsessed and will want to get to know everything there is to know about you. Let him know how you expect to be treated without giving him a list of rules of course (that could be awkward!). This works both way remember, you want to please him as much as he wants to please you so learn everything there is to know about him.
What does he enjoy doing? Would he like you to treat him to a date once in a while? What does he enjoy in bed? Learn these things to be able to better connect physically and emotionally with him.
Let Him Know You Are Independent
Don’t drop everything to be with your man. Don’t lose in touch with your friends, drop hobbies you had before or stop going to the gym. You can still have all these things while being in a relationship. It is important to show your man that you enjoy time being with him and also being away from him, show him that you don’t necessarily need him to have fun or to take care of you; you can do all these things yourself however it just so happens that you also enjoy his company too.
If you are too dependent on your partner, he may come to realise that you are a burden rather than a joy to be around… nobody wants to be a burden. The less you are stressing your partner, the more likely he is to feel at ease and connect on a deeper level with you.
Let Him Confide In You
Whatever you do, don’t shut your guy down or get defensive every time he has an opinion you don’t agree with. Being in a relationship means that you should both respect each other’s opinions and decisions. How can you ever expect your man to talk to you about his commitment issues when you cry, get upset or go defensive and angry when you or him bring the subject up.
No matter what he wants to talk about, make him feel that he can confide in you by simply listening and reassuring him. You can give advice if and when he asks for it but don’t jump at him when he opens up to you.
Make Him Feel Special
It is not just a job for a man to make a woman feel special; women have to make men feel special too. Show your appreciation for things he does such as his DIY projects, when he’s made dinner or a promotion at work. You can take him out for a meal or to the football game every now and again or even do simple things such as give him a neck massage after a long hard day at work.
Other ways of making him feel special are simple things such as listening to what he has to say and not asking too many questions. For example, if he comes home and tells you he has just had a big bonus at work, don’t let the first thing you say is “how much?” give him a big hug and congratulate him and be excited about his news.
Being you is the best possible way to make a man commit. Trying to be something you’re not is not the right way to go as you can’t keep it up for the rest of your life so you might as well be who you are now rather than later.
For example, if your man loves football and playing poker, that doesn’t mean you have to start loving football and playing poker too. By all means, you can take an interest in it but if it isn’t something you enjoy then don’t pretend it is. Just be your true self; if you want to cry watching a movie then cry, if you want to sing in the shower then sing or if you love the ballet than tell him.
You want him to commit to you not to someone he thinks you are as it is not a façade you can keep up forever and it will all end in tears.
He Can Keep His Freedom
You want to let your man know that he can keep his freedom and still be in a committed relationship. However freedom doesn’t mean he can meet other women, you just mean he can still enjoy going out with friends and doing the things he enjoys doing. Women tend to think of relationships as leading to big changes such as buying a new house and starting a new family.
However men tend to want to keep a hold of their routines and change as little as possible. For this reason, you need to reassure him that being in a committed relationship doesn’t his world will turn upside down, it just means that you are simply in a committed relationship and that he can still go out with his friends or have his poker nights.
Men don’t want to be the one in the group of friends who’s “under the thumb” and who’s “Mrs” doesn’t let him out. Masculinity is important to him so don’t put in that situation.
Don’t Let Him Do Too Much For You
As much as you like the gifts your man buys for you and does jobs around your house, you don’t want him to do much so that it becomes a burden for him and he runs away. Next time a shelf falls down or the light bulb blows, do it yourself even if he says he will do it.
Show him that you can take of things too. When you go out for meals, don’t let him always pick up the check, you can do insist on paying every now and again. His masculinity might not want to admit a financial burden and so by picking up the check now and again, you will help release the burden without damaging his masculinity.
If you can’t afford to do this then the next time he says to eat out, insist on cooking him a nice romantic meal in instead. It doesn’t matter whether the guy is rich, poor or anywhere in-between, they can all feel this sense of burden because they feel that women don’t appreciate the things they do for them.
Don’t Make Him Jealous
One of the worst techniques at trying to make a man commit I see is women who use jealousy. The only thing this is going to lead to is many tears, arguments and your man walking away. Men like women who are completely loyal so don’t flirt with friends or strangers, don’t talk about ex-lovers you have been with even if he asks you and don’t be too mysterious so that you man starts thinking you’re having an affair.
If you tell your partner that you once loved another man and left him, this won’t make your partner feel secure… it will do the opposite. He may think that one day you will leave him too which will stop him or massively delay his commitment to you until this thought has been put to rest. Let him know that he is the only man in your life and in your dreams.
Make Him Realise He Needs You
In order to make a man commit, you need to him to realize that he needs you just as much as you need him in your life. Obviously you can’t just come right out and say “you need me” and try and push this into his head. He needs to realize it for himself… with a little helping hand. The best way to do this is to simply tell him that you love him regularly.
The more your guy says “I love you” then more he will come to terms with it and realize that you are an important person in his life. If at first he refuses to say those 3 words and instead compliments you or says something like “isn’t is obvious” after you have asked whether he loves you, tell him that it would mean more if he said those 3 little words.
Once he has said them and becomes comfortable with them, he will soon realize he needs you in his life.
Meet The Family
This is one the first steps in commitment and should happen around a few months into the relationship. If it doesn’t, gently ask about meeting his family. You can bring it up naturally in a conversation when he is already talking about them so as to not add pressure. If he says that he will take you to meet them soon, just take it for now and don’t push for an exact date and time.
If however, this is the same response after asking a few times (in natural conversation), you can perhaps start asking more specifically and talking more openly about it. If he says he doesn’t want to take you to meet his family, it may be a sign that this relationship might not lead to marriage as he is unable to accept you into his life.
Don’t Give More Than You Want
It is important that you don’t give more than you want in a relationship. For example, if he constantly invites his buddies round and leaves you to clean up the next day, tell him it cannot continue to happen and that he is fine to bring friends round but he must start cleaning up the mess himself.
Your man does not want to see you unhappy or feeling unappreciated but sometime they simply don’t realize they’re doing it so they won’t know unless you don’t tell them. This doesn’t give you permission to nag about everything single thing however, only the things that upset you and make you feel like it’s too much.
Be His Greatest Champion
In other words… be his number 1 fan. Celebrate his achievements, believe in his dreams and take a genuine interest in what he as to say. This will also help him open up to you more often and want to tell you more about his days. By shutting down everything he says, he will more than likely keep everything to himself which will in turn leave to find out things about his life from other people.
If your guy hasn’t yet opened up about his dreams and ambitions then you can initiate it by asking what they are and listening while keeping an open mind. However, if you strongly disagree with some if the things he says then perhaps you need to consider yourself whether you are ready to commit to this man… always be yourself remember, you can’t pretend for the rest of your life to support something you are against.
As well as ambitions and dream, you can take a real interest in his hobbies by asking about them and whether you could join him one day. This will be a great chance for him to show off his skills such as at the driving range and will bring out his masculinity by being able to teach you how to do it too.
If you support your man in everything he does, he will come to realize that he has a very special bond with you.
Praise His Masculinity
So I have spoken a lot about being an independent woman who is confident and can take of herself but sometimes it is a good thing to show a little vulnerability so your man can show his masculinity. Your man wants to feel needed as a MAN sometimes and that’s not just something that is to be shrugged off as being silly, it is in their biological DNA.
Did you know that you can have a direct effect on his testosterone levels? By making him feel respected, admired and manly, his testosterone levels will rise… as will his sex-drive. By making him feel weak and small, his testosterone levels will decrease along with his sex-drive. You want to become the fuel for his testosterone by making him feel loved, respected and needed.
You can do this by simply asking the spider you are scared of or hugging his bicep and telling him how he makes you feel safe. Men were born to be the protector so let him protect every now and again.
Pay For Date Nights
So I have touched upon this briefly before but I feel it is an important one so deserves a place of its own in the list. We are 21st century women and so we no longer assume that all men should pick up the check for all our dates. You can treat him too by offering to pay the next time you go out for a meal.
He will more than likely try say no but insist and tell him that you want to show your appreciation for all the things he does for you. While he may play the gesture down, he will be feeling happy inside knowing that you do take notice of things he does for you.
He may still insist on paying however he will feel a lot more better that you have made a genuine gesture. You can also show your appreciation by offering to cook him a lovely meal which will be a joy for him if he lives as a bachelor and is usually used to take-out food.
Get Along With His Friends
One of the most important things in a relationship is to get along with his friends. If you get along with his friends and they believe you are not a nagging woman, they will be less likely to make comments like “so she’s let you out tonight” which will actually put less strain on your relationship.
It is normal for you men to want to spend time with their friends to talk about the football and other interests and it is good for him to have an outlet… as should you. Stopping him seeing his friends is never a wise move to make. You man will feel incredibly proud if his friends say how “cool” you are. You can become the “cool” girlfriend by not stopping him from seeing his friends, showing genuine interest in his friends interests and life’s, and having a laugh with them.
If you really don’t like one or some of his friends then don’t let it drive a wedge between you by criticizing them to your boyfriend and not to cause any drama with them when out with them. It will make it much easier for your man to picture his future with you if you are can get along with his friends and family.
Rock His World
Your man and any man wants to be around someone who makes them fee awesome and who blows their mind. I’m guessing you want to be with someone who rocks your world so it’s not such a hard stretch to believe that your man does too. Commitment should be a decision made with love not a decision made from logic or pressure.
Don’t ask your man to commit because you “want” him to. Show him why he should commit by simply rocking his world… how do you that? Making him laugh is a great place to start, making sure to keep things fun, rocking his world in bed and enjoying moments together.
Make Him Earn It
Remember that he needs to earn your commitment just as much as you need to earn his. This doesn’t mean that you need to put him through some kind of Hunger Games process and set him a list of challenges that he must complete in order to win your commitment (although that seems like a lot of fun), it means that he must shows sign that he loves such as listening to you, being a support, makes you feel like a million bucks and does things for you.
Let him know that you commitment isn’t so easily won over neither, men will appreciate this as they like a bit of a challenge rather than a woman handed to them on a plate, red ribbon and all.
Now You Have Your Prince Charming…
Hopefully now you have some ideas on how you can make your man commit. So, what are you waiting for… go make it happen!
Try out these tips and see if any of them will help turn your long-term boyfriend into your fiancé or the frat boy who said he hates labels into your boyfriend. One thing I would keep in mind however is that you are honest and have your priorities right.
With all these tips, he won’t be able to resist your charm and you will get your prince charming in the end.
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr “Right” and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here…