Is the man that you are interested in always making vague plans with you, or perhaps he is backing out on your date last minute? It can seem really unfair that he always cancels on you, or he never tells you a specific time or day that he wants to see you. You might be utterly confused by his behavior – he acts as if he wants you but never follows through with his plans.
This article is here to help you understand what it might mean if a guy says he wants to hang out but never follows through, and how you should deal with it.
1. He’s too nervous to meet you.
We are going to start with a positive and sweet reason that a guy might be constantly pulling out from a date with you. He might like you so much that he is genuinely terrified to see you again. Some people also have really bad anxiety, which might make it difficult for him to leave the house in the first place, nevermind going and meeting the woman he is interested in. He is saying he wants to hang out with you and date you to show you that he is interested, but when it comes down to it he can’t handle his nerves and anxiousness, so he has to cancel.
You will be able to figure out if this is what’s going on by looking at his other behaviors. Some of the other signs he might be showing if he’s just too scared to meet you are:
- When he is around you, he sweats, shakes or fidgets profusely.
- He is very open over text but seems closed in person.
- You know that he rarely leaves his house anyway.
- He doesn’t want to put himself in any type of social situation where people could judge him.
It can be really difficult trying to date someone that is nervous or has anxiety issues but there are some things you can do.
What should you do?
Firstly, you need to understand that anxiety real disorder, and it can affect anyone. Just because he might look macho on the outside, he might be crumbling inside. You can help people with anxiety, and if you really like him, then you need to. The first thing to do is not get angry about the fact they keep canceling on you, it’s not their fault.
You can make sure they always feel comfortable around you. For example, meet in a quiet and chilled space and avoid social situations with lots of people. You can let them know that you understand what they are going through and tell them you are here for them. They might open up a little more knowing you are willing to be there for them and you aren’t judging them.
A really good idea when you are dating someone with anxiety is to make a code word between the two of you. Then, if you both go into a social situation where they feel uncomfortable, they can use this word and it lets you know that they feel uncomfortable and they need to go or take some time out. When an anxious person is in a loving and kind relationship, it can really benefit them and help them to come out of their shell.
2. He is genuinely busy.
The man you’re interested in might completely reciprocate your feelings, but he might just be genuinely busy. A lot of the time we use being busy as an excuse when we just don’t want to prioritize things, but if you are getting all the signals that he likes you but he isn’t able to see you as much as you would like, it might be because he is going through a hectic time. Do you know of anything going on in his life that would mean he is run off his feet? Perhaps he is trying to open a new business, is working overtime because of the time of year or his family or friends need him more than ever. Anything like this can be taking over his life, and although he wants to see you he just might not be able to find the time. If he cancels on you, it might be because he forgot about something he had to do.
Have a look at the signs below that he does really like you. If all of his behaviors line up with the ones below, then the reason he isn’t seeing you is most likely because he actually has no time to.
- When you are together, he is always in close proximity to you and touches you.
- He tells you personal things that he wouldn’t tell anyone else.
- He compliments you.
- If he senses that another guy is interested in you, he will feel protective and might show signs of jealousy.
- He tries to impress you with his personal appearance.
- He has told you that he is interested in you, and you only.
What should you do?
Even if you don’t know the exact reason that he is busy, you cannot get angry or frustrated at him for being unavailable. He will be doing something important (it must be if it takes precedence over you) and if you are unsupportive of this, it will turn him off.
However, it’s important to say that him being busy should not last a long time. You need to see each other to figure out if the relationship is going to go anywhere, because if not, then you are both wasting your time. So, if he is continually canceling on you (more than three times) then you can tell him how you feel. You have every right to not only know the reasons he keeps canceling on you but also to want to see him. If he really likes you, he will take this on and make sure he not only has an understandable reason for being busy but organizes his life and puts you as a top priority. At the end of the day, we are all busy but if we want to see someone then we will.
3. He is keeping his options open.
This is a lot less positive reason for him to not follow through with seeing you, but unfortunately, it could be true. He might be trying to keep all of his options open. Therefore, this will probably be true of the guy who doesn’t cancel on you but gives you a rough idea of when he wants to see you but not exact. For example, he might have sent a message to multiple women saying something like, “Are you free this weekend?” Then he will take his pick from the women that reply and tell one of them the exact details. If you were not the one that was ‘picked’ then he won’t need to even bother canceling on you, he will probably just not reply or will text you back once the weekend has passed.
These types of men are the worst, but the bonus is that as soon as you clock on to the game he is playing, you can cut all of your ties to him and if you know some of the other women, you could also let them know what he’s up to.
What should you do?
Firstly, ensure that you understand there is nothing wrong with you and him treating you like an object is not a representation of who you actually are. You are worth so much more than what this player would have given you anyway. It might be hard to come to terms with the fact that you were an option, but once you do, you will never let yourself be played again.
Once you have confirmed that you are one of his many options, the best advice I could give you would be to cut him off. Tell him how he made you feel if you feel compelled to and leave. Like I mentioned earlier, if you know some of the other women he was messing around with, then you can let them know. His options will then be much narrower, and it will hopefully teach him a valuable lesson.
4. He isn’t looking for a committed relationship.
This man might not be looking for a committed relationship, which makes it understandable that he isn’t committed to meeting up and hanging out with you. If he is only looking to have a sexual relationship with you then he will not be that bothered about canceling on you or scheduling proper time to see you. If he is only looking for a sexual relationship, then his requests to see you will probably be at night. He’s booty calling you.
Also, someone that is looking for a committed relationship with you will want to show you from the start that they are dedicated to you and they can be trusted with not only your time but your heart too. How can you trust someone that is always canceling on you? How are you supposed to dedicate your time and love to someone that can’t even be bothered to set a date or time for you to both see each other? He might not even realize that he’s doing anything wrong to you, because he probably won’t have thought you were looking for anything different from what he is.
Not only is he probably not looking for anything more committed, but he might not only be dating you. Therefore, he might be busy with other women and that could be why he isn’t dedicating time to you.
What should you do?
It might feel disappointing, and you might even feel used when you find out that he wasn’t looking for anything more long term, but if you never had the conversation with him to confirm if you were going to be a short-term fling or try to develop a committed long-term relationship together, then you don’t have any right to show him your anger. On the other hand, if you were initially both on the same page and he acted as if he wanted you, then you can speak to him about how he has made you feel. It’s unfair for him to string you along like that and then not give you the attention you deserve.
When it comes to sleeping with or dating other people, your reaction will depend on what the two of you had decided on at first. If he told you that he was going to monogamous, then you have every right to tell him how you feel. If you never had the conversation when you started seeing each other, then you can’t have expected him to spend all his time on you.
I really hope this article has helped you figure out why the guy you are interested in says that he wangs to hang out but never follows through with it. Hopefully, I have also given you some guidance on how to move forward with the situation, depending on which one you find yourself in.
It can be really difficult to deal with being let down, especially by the person you like and who you thought liked you too. You might try and blow over it but it can affect your sense of self-worth. The important thing is that you can’t blame yourself, whatever happens. You are so worthy and deserving of having time and attention given to you, and the right person will come along and always follow through with plans with you. Then you will realize what real dedication and commitment really feel like.
Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.