Dating is a tricky business and can lead to a lot of feelings of confusion, uncertainty and frustration – especially during the early stages of the relationship. Not only are you trying to get to know someone new, including their little character traits and quirks, but you’ve also got to learn about how they behave in different situations, such as when they need some time alone, or are upset or angry – making it difficult to understand their behaviour and work out exactly how they’re feeling.
However, one of the main causes for these feelings of confusion during the start of a relationship, is that it’s common for the two people dating to want to spend every waking hour with each other. From going out on dates to just spending time chilling on the sofa with each other – it can be difficult to avoid getting caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and end up spending too much time together, leading to heightened moods on both parts.
Additionally, although it can be nice to spend so much time with your new favourite person, it can also lead to the guy you’re dating getting scared that things are moving too quickly and pulling away, leaving you wondering whether he’s just craving a little bit of space, or whether your new relationship has ended before it’s even started.
The feeling that the guy you’re dating is pulling away from you is awful, but luckily there are some clear-cut signs to help you to decide whether he’s trying to cut all ties with you, or whether he just needs a little bit of time to himself after the two of you have spent a little too much time together. You can have too much of a good thing, after all.
From texting and calling you whilst you’re apart, to arranging dates in the near future – if he still seems keen to see and talk to you, then you can rest assured it’s just a bit of space that he’s after. However, it’s once the calls stop and the dates stop getting planned that you might have a reason to be concerned about your new relationship.
So if you’re worried that the guy you’ve been dating, or your long-term boyfriend, is losing interest in you, the following signs can help you to work out if he’s going cold turkey, or just needs some time alone.
He Makes an Effort to Speak to You
If the guy you’ve been dating suddenly cools off on the date planning for no apparent reason, you might start to wonder if he’s lost interest in you and is just mustering up the courage to break things off. However, it might not be the worst case scenario, and he might just need a little space from you after spending so much time together.
One of the best tell-tale signs that everything is okay in your relationship and that he just needs a little space is that he still makes a huge effort to talk to you when he’s not seen you for a while. Men are notoriously bad at communicating – especially when it comes to texting, so if the guy you’ve been dating makes an effort to text and call you when you’re not together, then you can rest assured that he’s still very interested in seeing you.
Whether he just calls you once a day before he goes to sleep, or texts you frequently throughout the day to see how you’re doing – any man who makes a conscious effort to keep in touch with you is one you definitely don’t need to worry about.
However, if he seems to have pulled away from you, hasn’t planned any dates and doesn’t text or call you when you’re apart, then it might be worth having a conversation with him to find out where his head is at and find out whether or not he’s still interested in seeing you.
Although it might be a difficult conversation to have – and you might not want to know the truth – it’s better in the long run to find out if he wants to continue to date you or not, otherwise you’ll have an agonising wait on your hands whilst he figures out how he’s going to break things off with you, which will just make the situation ten times worse for you.
He Plans Dates
If you’re worried that your relationship might be over because he’s pulled away from you, then before you really start to panic, you should ask yourself if he’s trying to completely cut all ties, or whether he’s planning dates in with you in the near future.
Any man who’s thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend will go out of their way to avoid making any future plans with her, as he will have already started trying to distance himself from her without even realizing it. So whether you find yourself doing all the legwork when it comes to date planning, or you’ve noticed that he’s making no effort to see you, then you might have something to worry about.
If this is the case, then it might be worth trying to subtly bring it up with him and find out why he’s been so ‘busy’ recently. It might be the case that he’s just had a lot on with work or at home, meaning you’ve got nothing at all to worry about, but if you don’t ask him, you’ll only continue to worry that your relationship is over.
However, if your guy seems to have distanced himself from you, but is still making plans for the future, then you probably don’t have anything to worry about. If he was thinking about breaking up with you even one bit, then putting dates in the diary would be the last thing on his mind.
So before it even crosses your mind that he might be about to end things, you need to take a step back to evaluate whether he’s stopped making an effort on all levels, or whether he just needed a little bit of time to himself before he comes running back to you.
He’s Been Talking About You to his Friends
Whether you share the same friendship group, or you’ve just been introduced to each other’s friends throughout the course of your relationship, it’s common to talk about your significant other to your friends – especially when everything is running smoothly and you’re feeling a little bit obsessed.
Whether you run into one of his best friends at the grocery store, or you’ve heard him talking about you with the guys – any man who brags about his girlfriend to his friends is one who’s still very much interested in continuing the relationship.
However, it’s not always possible for you to know if he’s been talking about you to his friends (and saying all good things!), so you shouldn’t take it as a clear-cut sign of whether he’s lost interest or not. However, just remember that if you notice him talking about you to his nearest and dearest, he’s still very much invested in the relationship and you’ve got nothing to worry about.
He’s Been Busy with Work
You’ll know yourself that when things get a little bit crazy at work, you can feel like your life has been taken over and you’ve not got time to eat, sleep or even think about anything or anybody else! If this is the case for your boyfriend, then you’d be forgiven for thinking that he’s pulling away from you, when he’s actually just super-busy with work.
Instead of stressing for days or weeks about whether or not he’s about to break up with you, give him a call or a text to find out how things are with him, how work has been and what he’s been up to. If he tells you he’s been absolutely swamped with work, then you’ll know you’ve got nothing to worry about and things will go back to normal as soon as the busy period is over.
However, if he tells you work has been fine and he’s not really been up to much, then you might have a reason to worry. Although not seeing you isn’t a reason to think he’s about to break up with you, if a few things just aren’t adding up, then it’s certainly worth having a chat to find out what’s going on.
What to do if your Boyfriend Wants Space
It’s common to need some time for yourself during the course of your relationship. Whether you’ve been together for five months or five years, spending a lot of time with anyone can get intense – let alone when you’re living out of each other’s pockets.
So if you notice your boyfriend pulling away for a little time to himself, it’s important not to get offended and realise that it’s normal to want a little bit of time alone occasionally – no matter how much you love spending time with someone.
Additionally, you need to try your very best not to get clingy and emotional when he decides he wants some space, as this will only make him pull away from you further and lead you to feel even more upset about the situation.
Instead, plan some mate dates with your girls, throw yourself into your work, or spend an extra bit of time in the gym to keep yourself busy and avoid missing your other half too much. Additionally, it might be for the best to let him do all the chasing during this time, allowing him to reach out to you when he wants to, and not if he doesn’t.
Don’t mistake this for playing games with him – letting him be the first one to text or call you will make him feel more at ease about the situation and realise that you’re happy for him to have as much space as he needs, whenever he wants. Playing it cool during times when he wants to be alone will only ever work in your favour and make him realise how much he misses you, meaning he’ll run back to you in no time at all.
So if you’ve come to the conclusion that the guy you’ve been dating – or long-term boyfriend – is feeling a little bit smothered and just wants a bit of time for himself to go out with his friends, see his family, or just concentrate on work, then you can rest assured that your relationship will survive and he just needs a little bit of time.
However, if he’s been super-quiet with you, completely pulled away from you and has stopped planning dates – or even trying to see you – then you should let your gut instinct tell you that there’s something awry with your relationship. That’s not to say it won’t be salvageable, but if you have a feeling your boyfriend might be about to end things with you, then you should try and have a conversation with him to find out what’s going on.
However, when you approach him, you need to bear in mind that getting angry or upset with him might just make him pull away further, and make his decision final – especially if he’s not one for drama. Instead, approach him in a mature, sensible way and try to have a calm, rational conversation about the situation.
Even if things do end between the two of you, by keeping your cool and being mature about the situation, hopefully the two of you can end on good terms and not have any bad blood between you. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy, but your relationship ending with shouting, tears and anger will make things so much worse.