My friends are always giving out advice about dating. There are no hard and fast rules, just tips that might point you in the right direction. Tips that may help you out when it comes to the time when you are ready to venture into the realms of the other species. I think it's true what they say about men coming from Mars and women coming from Venus.
Dates keep on surprising and I guess if I'm honest you are probably surprising them even more. Any advice is welcome when it comes to going on a date, I don't know why all women get so nervous about meeting up with a future boyfriend but it happens. It's probably got something to do with venturing into the unknown.
For some reason we women like to be loved. We like to think that our efforts and approach to a date will be appreciated and so we are sensitive to any thoughts of criticism. I've asked my friends to offer some tips on their own experiences of dating as well as my own. I've written about some of their stories and my own so that you can benefit from our mistakes.
- 1 Don’t Get Too Drunk! (Especially On First Date)
- 2 Let Your Friends Set You Up
- 3 Consider Dating One Of Your Friends
- 4 Choose A Welcoming Venue, Where You Feel At Ease
- 5 Make A Good First Impression
- 6 Be Yourself
- 7 Don't Try To Play It Cool
- 8 Make Eye Contact With Your Date
- 9 If You Are Not Into Him, Move On
- 10 Trust Your Intuition
- 11 Go Outside Your Comfort Zone
- 12 Learn From The Past
- 13 First Dates Are Not An Audition For Marriage
- 14 Be Honest
- 15 Appreciate The Money He Spends. (Don't Expect It)
- 16 Do Not Talk About Ex’s
- 17 Don't Tell Him Your Whole Life Story
- 18 Look Your Best
- 19 If You're Happy To See Him, Show It
- 20 Do Not Have Sex On First Date
- 21 Don't Rush Things
Don’t Get Too Drunk! (Especially On First Date)
My friend Sheila's tip for dating is don't get too drunk! Wow this is a minefield. Sheila has met Kevin through work and was nervous going on a date with him. The great thing is, they seemed to share some common ground and were comfortable in each other's company. As time progressed he thought it might be a good idea for them to meet up for a drink over the weekend.
She was flattered and said yes. As the date grew ever nearer Sheila got more and more jittery. She couldn't really explain why she felt so nervous it wasn't as if she was going on a blind date, she knew him and was relaxed in his company. But still she couldn't shake the jittery feeling off. She decided to have a glass of wine before meeting up with him, hoping it would calm her nerves.
She now admits this wasn't a good idea! Sheila tells me she had one glass of wine while having her bath, one glass of wine while epilating her eyebrows, one glass of wine while putting her make up on, one glass of wine while doing her hair, one glass of wine while getting ready and one last glass of wine while waiting for the taxi. What made this even more funny, is that she had made this wine herself at home, so it was even stronger than your average bottle! She made it to the pub for the date but Kevin was none too pleased at the state she was in…she was unsurprisingly drunk.
She was loud and staggering with her eyes half shut and slurring her words. The date was a disaster, she doesn't remember any of the conversation they might have had and she doesn't even remember getting home! Luckily, Kevin was a gentleman and drove her home to make sure she got there in one piece. Since the disastrous date Sheila and Kevin have remained friends but he has never offered to take her out on a date again.
Let Your Friends Set You Up
My friend Lorraine's tip for dating is let your friends set you up on a date. Lorraine was single and had lots of friends. She is the type of person who makes time for everybody, doesn't forget to send birthday cards and keeps everybody in the loop regarding her everyday life. Lorraine's friend Cathy was going out with a bricklayer who he worked on a building site in a nearby town.
He had a friend called Tommy who was a joiner. One day when Cathy was out with Matthew (the bricklayer) she met his friend Tommy. She knew straight away that he would be suited to her friend Lorraine. Cathy and Matthew set Lorraine and Tommy up on a blind date. The date went well and Lorraine was happy.
They dated a few times and seemed to get on well but then something weird happened. Lorraine was shopping in town when she spotted Tommy across the road. She called over to him but he ignored her. She was upset about this and rang him up to tell him that their relationship was over.Unbeknown to Lorraine, Tommy had an identical twin brother called Alan!
It was Alan she'd seen across the road that day. She called around to Tommy’s house to apologize, Alan opened the door and told her Tommy wasn't at home and invited her in to wait. They talked and talked while waiting for Tommy. This is when the twist to the story takes place! Alan and Lorraine locked eyes and that most significant of secret looks passed between them, there was as park there that neither could deny. Hence to say Lorraine and Alan lived happily ever after and Tommy was best man at their wedding!
Consider Dating One Of Your Friends
My friend Barbara's tip for dating is to date one of your friends. Barbara had a brother called Noel who was in the local swimming team. There were a large group of people in the swimming team and they often socialized together after the swimming galas. Barbara was a part of this social group and wasn't particularly taken with any of her brother Noel's friends.
She liked them all as friends but there wasn't anybody she felt romantically drawn to. The months and years passed by and the swimming team group gradually went their separate ways. Some of the group who had got on romantically got married and started new lives for themselves. Barbara found herself to be alone, everybody had coupled up but she hadn't met anybody.
But Barbara wasn't alone, there was one man from the swimming gala team who also hadn't paired up with anybody, his name was George. Barbara and George had always seen themselves as good friends but had never felt that all-consuming spark of passion. When they found themselves to be brought together by the ongoing absences of their friends a partnership started to form and they found comfort in each other.
This friendship/partnership grew into something warm and special and they realized that after all this time they were always meant to be together. Barbara and George got married and emigrated to afar off country and started a new life there together.
Choose A Welcoming Venue, Where You Feel At Ease
My friend Susan's tip for dating is to choose a welcoming venue for your date, where you feel at ease. Susan is beautiful and vivacious and she always dresses immaculately…never a hair out of place. She'd gone out with a friend to a club in town and as they were dancing and laughing, they attracted the attention of a couple of men across the dance floor.
The men asked them to dance and all were happy. After a few dances, one of the boys asked if he could buy Susan a drink. His name is Bobby and he told her he thought she had the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen! She was very flattered. When he asked her if they could meet for a meal out one night she was cautious.
Although she found him to be attractive, she also worried that she knew nothing about him. He'd told her that he was a carpet fitter but she felt he was keeping something back so naturally, she needed to know more. Susan told him that she’ll only go out with him if he came to a pub she knew well.
Her three brothers drank there so she knew she'd be looked after should anything go awry. Susan and Bobby met at the pub and her brothers gave him a look over. She was startled when her eldest brother pulled her to one side and said he needed to speak to her in private. She thought he was going to tell her that Bobby was not acceptable.
What a shock she got when her brother told her that Bobby was a professional football player! When Susan asked him why he'd lied to her about being a carpet fitter, he said that he wanted to find out whether it was him she'd fall for and not his status as a footballer.They have been happily married for quite some years now.
Make A Good First Impression
My friend Grace’s tip for dating is to make a good first impression. Grace is from a large family with six sisters and four brothers so did not have a lot of money growing up. There was no money to spend on luxury items, but the love and closeness they felt for each other knew no bounds. They were and still are a very close family and she felt loved and happy.
She met a man in college whose name is Charlie. They were drawn to each from the start and nothing and no one could keep them apart. Charlie is from a small family who owned the local grocery store. Unawares to either of them, there was a cloud hanging over them. That cloud was in the shape of Charlie's parents.
Charlie's parent's didn't think she was good enough for their son because they knew she was from a poor family and didn't want her to be a part of Charlie's life. They thought he would be better off without her. She was never invited back to their home and Charlie was constantly told to end his relationship with her.
Charlie never told Grace that she was looked down upon by his parents and he made excuses as to why she couldn't come to visit him at his house. He wanted to protect her from their hurtful comments. Things came to a head one day when Charlie's Nan passed away. There was to be a funeral and all of his family would be there.
He wanted Grace to be there with him to comfort him in his time of need. His family said that she couldn't come but Charlie defied them. He brought her along by his side; she was ignorant to the fact that there was a problem lurking under the surface. Charlie's decision to bring Grace to the funeral that day was the best decision he could ever have made.
Grace looked beautiful; she held her head up high and was dignified and respectful to the family. She comforted his parents when they were upset, she was and still is a true lady. Without even knowing she was doing it, Grace had made the best first impression she could ever have hoped for. Charlie came out smelling of roses as all of his family congratulated him on choosing such a very special woman.
My friend Diane’stipfor dating is to be yourself. Diane is a manager at the local D.I.Y shop; she's very quiet, very efficient and very clever. She has two children from a previous relationship and she works hard to keep them provided for. When Diane met her new boyfriend several months ago she never once denied the existence of her two children; she was being herself from the moment she met him.
She was open and honest and he admired the fact that she was coping so well. He liked being with her and eventually he met her two children. Acquiring a ready made family was a lot for him to take on. He respected Diane's honesty from the start though because he wasn't played along like a fool. He always knew where he stood with her. That is why he has asked her to marry him…the wedding in June next year. Both her and her two children and very happy and excited.
Don't Try To Play It Cool
My friend Wendy's tip for dating is don't try to play it cool. Wendy was always the top of the class at school and college. She is smart and savvy and knew she'd go far in her chosen career. By the time she was twenty three she owned her own hairdressing business. She worked hard and she played hard.
She went to a meeting in the town hall about businesses in the local area which is where she met a man who also owned and ran a business of his own. They had a lot to talk about and when the meeting was over they both realized they'd like to talk a bit more. They made a date for the following Saturday night…which she was late to.
They went to watch a movie which she said she'd seen better and wasn't impressed by the story line. Wendy was trying to play it cool. She thought that if there was a reason she could make him uncomfortable he would see her as the clever one and would fall in love with her sophisticated and cool manner.
She was wrong. He never asked her out again. She'd played it too cool for her own good and the tactic had backfired. She wants you all to learn from her mistake that playing it cool is not the way to act on a date. She learnt her lesson the hard way and wants to warn others about her disastrous date.
Make Eye Contact With Your Date
My friend Sarah's tip for dating is to always make eye contact with your date. Sarah works in a primary school where she is the arts and crafts teacher. When old Mr. Hughes retired from his headmaster’s position it left a vacancy that obviously needed filling. To Sarah's great joy, the new headmaster appointed to the school was a young and dashingly handsome man called Ed.
From the moment she laid eyes on him she knew she had to have him. He made her go weak at the knees. He made her heart flutter. Her every waking moment was filled with thoughts of him. She went to bed dreaming about him. She woke up thinking about him. Her appearance improved. Everyone laughed at her witty replies in the staff room.
Her personality became flirty and fun. He started to notice her and very slowly a rapport started up between them. She guessed he would ask her out on a date and she was right. She knew her plan for the date straight away. She would make eye contact with him. Everything he talked about would make her eyes shine full of interest.
Every time he laughed she would make eye contact with him and let him see that her eyes were laughing with him. Every time he looked up at her she would give him the most dazzlingly sexy eye contact he could ever dream of. The date went brilliantly, and life at the primary school has now got a very loving couple within its walls, all thanks to eye contact.
If You Are Not Into Him, Move On
My friend Helena’s tip for dating is if you are not into him, move on. Helena worked on the jewelry counter of a big store in the city. A gentleman came in one day and asked if he knew where he could get his mother’s wedding ring altered. He said his mother had lost a lot of weight recently due to an illness and was upset that her wedding ring didn't fit anymore.
Helena told him that he'd come to the right place because the store could do the alteration service for him. She told him she would telephone him when the wedding ring was ready. She thought about him when he had left the store about how caring he had been. She couldn't help wondering what his circumstances were; whether he had a girlfriend or wife.
If he did they were very lucky to have him. She wished she could meet someone as caring and thoughtful as him.She telephoned him several days later to tell him the wedding ring was ready. He said he would call in the following day to pick it up. When he was standing at the jewelry counter waiting to pick up the ring he commented on the weather outside, and how lovely it would be to visit a park and go for a walk in the sunshine.
She smiled with surprise when he said he would like it if she would go with him. They went to the park, they talked and they seemed to hit it off. They went on a few more nice dates but there was never that real spark that she was craving for. She didn't have that special feeling for him and she didn't think he had it for her neither.
They were just moving along slowly and without any passion. She decided to end the relationship and move on. She did them both a favor because life's too short to waste a single second of it on somebody who just isn't right for you.
Trust Your Intuition
My friend Angie’s tip for dating is to trust your intuition. Angie has a plot on an allotment because she enjoys the outdoors. Even the cold and rain doesn't put Angie off from going to her allotment. She gets on well with her fellow allotment friends. They share tips on which fruit to grow or how to make a pie from the vegetables that are grown.
There is one man in particular that she is drawn to, his name is Darren. Darren is twenty years older than Angie but somehow the age gap doesn't seem to be an issue. They get on brilliantly well and there is definitely more than just friendship brewing. She didn't want to imagine a romance developing with him because she thought that maybe the age gap would create problems and she might be laughed at for finding such an older man attractive.
Angie decided to trust her intuition, she told Darren how she felt and he said he felt the same. There was no getting away from the fact that despite the age gap they were suited to each other. They decided to give the relationship a go and see how things went. Angie is pleased that her intuition about Darren was right and they are now a happy and loving couple. As a friend, I couldn't be happier for her.
Go Outside Your Comfort Zone
My friend Rosalyn’s tip for dating is go outside of your comfort zone. Rosalyn was safe, safe, safe! She always cleaned her house at the same time each day and changed the bedding at the same time each week. She went to the same shop for the same things every day and never ventured far from home.
She wouldn't dream of doing anything differently but Rosalyn was lonely. She knew she would never meet the man of her dreams in the safe world of everyday life she had cocooned herself in. In her dreams, a tall and dark handsome stranger would come into her world and whisk her off her feet to far off exotic shores where they both would laze in the sun and live happily ever after.
One day Rosalyn woke up to the fact that unless she ventured out of her comfort zone nothing in her life would change and she didn't want to be lonely for the rest of her life. She took a deep breathand joined the local walking club. It was a massive step for Rosalyn to take but she did it and she'snever looked back. She met a lovely man called Roy who isn't tall and dark but he is handsome. Rosalyn laughs and loves every day of her life now and all because she came out of her comfort zone.
Learn From The Past
My friend Jane’s (no, not me!) tip for dating is to learn from the past. When Jane went to college she was a wild card. She studied hard but she partied harder! Lots of men were interested in her and she went on lots of dates but somehow nobody could ever really connect with her. When things started to get too intimate, she seemed to put up a barrier.
What nobody knew about Jane was that she'd suffered physical abuse at the hands of her first boyfriend. She was trying to escape his clutches every day of her life. Her way of coping was to keep people at a distance; she didn’t want to go through that hell again. I am pleased to tell you that my friend Jane has been to therapy and has now put the past behind her.
She couldn't have carried on the way she was acting, the lessons she learnt from the past has given her the chance to settle down with a man who would never hurt her and who respects her and tells her he loves every day.
First Dates Are Not An Audition For Marriage
My friend Eva’s tip for dating is to not treat first dates as an audition for marriage. Eva was getting on in age when she met Don. She was forty six years old and Don was fifty two. She wanted to settle down and be married and be a loving housewife. She wanted to cook and clean for her imaginary husband and have companionship and love.
She thought she was getting on a bit and treated her first date with Don as though her life depended on it. She told him how good she would be at building a home for him. She told him about the type of wedding dress she'd always had her eye on. She wanted to know about him and what he could offer her if they were to get married. Poor Don was a little flummoxed to say the least!
Eva had been an absolutely raving beauty when she was younger; men literally fell at her feet. She had the pick of the bunch where men were concerned but for some reason, she never picked anyone. She traveled a lot with her job and never seemed ready to settle down. She loved her life as it was full on and she was never short of chaperons to escort her around the various countries she visited.
But now she wanted to live the life that everybody else seemed to take for granted, the life of a married woman. Luckily for Eva, Don listened to the story of her past and realized he could handle the situation. He told her they would keep on dating and hopefully let the relationship blossom. I'm pleased to say the relationship did blossom and Don proposed on New Year's Eve. Eva accepted and is now a Mrs!
My friend Clare’s tip for dating is to be honest. Clare and I believe that without honesty there can never be trust. Without trust any relationships are doomed to fail. When Clare failed her college course she told everybody the truth, she didn't try to hide behind a lot of excuses and lies. That's the type of person she is and we all admire her for her honesty.
She went on a first date with Martin after talking to him on the train they were both travelling on. He commuted to his job by train every day and so did she. He asked her out and their first date was to an art gallery. They both had an eye for detail and enjoyed the date. Clare was honest when he asked her about herself.
She told him about the failed college course and she told him about her belief that honesty really is the best policy. He wanted to know more about her because he knew that the things she told him about were true. Martin felt safe in the knowledge that he'd met a girl who had principles and that was the part of her character he admired the most. Clare and Martin are still dating and have a huge network of friends that they see on a regular basis.
Appreciate The Money He Spends. (Don't Expect It)
My friend Denise’s tip for dating is appreciate the money he spends. (Don't expect it). Denise has had to work hard for a living all of her life. Nobody ever gave her anything and money was always tight. If she wanted to buy anything she knew she would have to save for it. Some people might feel sorry for Denise but Denise definitely doesn't feel sorry for herself.
She appreciates everything she's got and never takes anything for granted. Just recently she has bought herself a scooter. She loves it because she's got her own transport and she zips around to our houses for visits full of joy and enthusiasm. When she goes on a date she always offers to go halves.
She does appreciate it when her dates spend money on her and she always lets her dates know that she wants to share the cost with them. What makes Denise so unique is that she is so independent because over the years she has had to be. I think this is what makes her so special; she would never take anything for granted because she's always had to take care of herself.
Do Not Talk About Ex’s
Celebrating their special anniversary. Smiling young couple holding glasses with champagne and looking at each other while sitting on the board of yacht
My friend Hayley’s tip for dating is to not talk about ex boyfriends. This tip is probably the biggest tip any person could have when going on a date. It is the single most disrespectful conversation you can have when you go out on a date. Poor Hayley once went on a date aboard a yacht travelling along the calming waters.
We were all really jealous as it sounded so brilliant and romantic. What a catch this guy must be to have his own yacht. What a great time Hayley was going to have, we envisaged her steering the yacht through the open waters, eating a picnic on deck while he made small talk and enjoying a glass of champagne.
But no, none of the above happened. Hayley somehow managed to ruin this vision we all had of herby doing the worst thing…talking about her ex-boyfriend. My advice is to never go on a date unless your 100% over your ex.
Don't Tell Him Your Whole Life Story
My friend Tina's tip for dating is don't tell him your whole life story. Tina loves reading; she would read morning, day and night if she could. She likes suspense thrillers and looks forward to finding out, in the final pages, what the outcome will be and how the case was solved. She wouldn't dream of reading the final pages first, and I agree with her.
I think a lot of people feel this way. Imagine reading the final pages first, the whole story would be ruined. There would be no point in carrying on reading as the whole story would have been revealed. Tina believes that when you go on a date it's like reading a book. You shouldn't reveal everything about yourself because there would be no mystery left and therefore what would be the point of another date. The book would be closed for good.
Look Your Best
My friend Mary's tip for dating is to look your best. Mary knows that looking your best gives you the feeling of being in control. There is nothing worse than going on a date and fidgeting all through it because you're uncomfortable. Looking your best gives you confidence and when you are confident your date will feel relaxed.
No man wants to go on a date with someone who hasn't made an effort to look nice. It's a sign of disrespect towards them that you couldn't even be bothered to make that effort. Mary tells me that if the roles were reversed and he turned up looking a mess she would be very put off indeed. I definitely agree with her. Mary’s tip is that you should treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.
If You're Happy To See Him, Show It
My friend Hannah’s tip for dating is if you're happy to see him, show it. Hannah is always falling head over heels in love. She's very demonstrative and doesn't hold back. She's a hugger and a kisser. What you see is what you get with Hannah and that is very refreshing. Hannah’s tip for dating is that if you've preened yourself to look special and you are really looking forward to seeing your date then you should show it.
You really like him so why not let him know. A lot of men thrive on the attention you give them. That you find them attractive and enjoy their company is a massive ego booster for them. They want to stand out from the crowd and your enthusiasm and happiness to see them will surely make you a popular date.
Do Not Have Sex On First Date
My friend Jasmine’s tip for dating is do not have sex on the first date. Somewhere in the dating rituals is the unwritten rule that you do not have sex on the first date. Jasmine respects herself and has been brought up to be a lady. Ladies do not have sex on the first date! Jasmine thinks that the reason for this is that if you sleep with your date on the first night, how many more dates have you been on and done this.
How could he possibly feel special when you've offered him your whole body just because you shared a date together. Some people might think this is an old fashioned viewpoint but all men want to feel special and they definitely won't feel special if you have sex with them on the first date.
Don't Rush Things
My name is Jane and my tip for dating is to not rush into things. You've read all of my friends’ tips and stories above and I hope some of it will come in handy when you go on your date. Take the time to pick and choose which tips will be useful for you and try not to rush things. Let the romance build naturally and it will be all the more satisfying for both of you. You will get to know each other better over time and your likes and dislikes will be recognized and supported.
hope my friends and I have given you food for thought and we all wish you well when you start out on the dating journey that lies ahead of you.