Does your boyfriend still talk to his ex behind your back? Are you wondering if this is okay? Do you feel uncomfortable?
Many girls struggle with this. We constantly see girls saying things like “My boyfriend talks to his ex” or “Should I be worried if my boyfriend talks to other girls?”
This is a very common concern, which is why I wanted to put this together. You should know what to do in this situation and how to handle it.
- 1 Is It Normal for Boyfriends to Talk to Their Exes?
- 2 Why Might Your Boyfriend Talk to His Ex?
- 3 How Often Does This Happen?
- 4 Is He Open with You?
- 5 Do They See Each Other or Just Text?
- 6 Could He Be Cheating?
- 7 Should You Look at His Texts?
- 8 How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About This
- 9 Set Boundaries
- 10 Conclusion
Is It Normal for Boyfriends to Talk to Their Exes?
I wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon for people, in general, to talk to their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. Lots of people do it.
If you think about it, your exes were very important to you at one point. Losing a relationship is hard enough. Having to lose that friendship can be equally as hard.
Even if you wouldn’t personally text your ex, this doesn’t mean that your boyfriend shouldn’t. You do need to keep this in mind. It may seem odd to you and your friends, but that doesn’t mean that it’s totally weird. You just wouldn’t do it.
This does happen rather frequently, but the intentions may be different. In this case, your boyfriend is in a committed relationship and still talks to his ex. Hopefully, his intentions won’t be to hook up with his ex.
Overall, I would say that people keeping in touch with an ex is normal. Once the person gets into a new relationship, things may change a bit though.
Why Might Your Boyfriend Talk to His Ex?
There are lots of different reasons why your boyfriend might choose to talk to his ex. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions here. Use these to understand what’s going on, but let your boyfriend tell you the facts.
We can give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he simply wants to be friends with his ex. This is definitely a possibility.
Your boyfriend might have been really close to his ex before they dated so they may just be resuming that past friendship. He might truly enjoy having her as his friend.
Your boyfriend could want to hang out with his ex again. This isn’t a red flag immediately, but it’s something to be aware of. Again, this is a sign that he wants to be friends with her.
Then, there is always a chance he wants to date her again. He could be reconnecting with her for this reason. It’s important to avoid accusing him of this right away.
You don’t know what his intentions are so you should try your best to remain neutral until you get some answers.
How Often Does This Happen?
Is your boyfriend texting his ex every single day? Is it just once a month to catch up?
You might not know the answer to this question, which is fine. You shouldn’t go snooping to find out either.
If you do know how often he’s talking to his ex, you should think about it. If they’re talking a lot, you might be more concerned than if they were talking less often.
You should also consider how these conversations with his ex impact your relationship. Is he talking to his ex so much that you aren’t able to have as many conversations with him anymore?
Simply keep this in mind as you consider the rest of the situation. There’s no need to take action yet.
Is He Open with You?
Another important detail to consider is whether your boyfriend is open with you about this. Does he tell you about his conversations with her or invite you to hang out with them?
If he’s being open with you, that’s great! That should lower the level of concern you have about this situation. If he was hiding something, he would probably share less with you.
On the opposite end, he could be hiding things. Look for signs that he is trying to be secretive.
You should be able to tell pretty quickly whether he’s keeping secrets from you. Pay attention to how he acts around you if he’s on his phone. If he’s hiding something, he might switch to another app or close his phone before you can see anything.
The level of openness your boyfriend has with you in this specific situation can tell you a lot about his intentions. If he doesn’t want you to know about this, that’s a red flag.
Do They See Each Other or Just Text?
There’s a big difference between your boyfriend just texting his ex and actually hanging out with her.
If he’s just texting his ex every once in a while, it shouldn’t be too big of a deal. Of course, at the same time, you do need to be aware. They could still be flirting over text.
If he’s actually going out and seeing her, you may be a little more concerned. This could mean that he wants to spend more time with her.
It’s important to talk to your boyfriend about this so you can hopefully get some insight about what’s actually going on here. It is helpful if your boyfriend actually tells you that he’s going to be hanging out with her so then it’s not like he’s hiding it.
Could He Be Cheating?
In this case, girls commonly jump to the conclusion that their boyfriend is cheating on them. It makes a lot of sense, especially if this is your first time dealing with this particular scenario.
It’s important to note that this isn’t a quick yes or no answer. I don’t know your specific relationship so I can’t say whether he’s cheating.
There is a possibility that he is cheating on you. If he and his ex recently broke up, he might not be over her yet. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I know this can be hard, but you have to be fair. He may not be doing anything wrong and doesn’t deserve to be accused.
There is also the possibility that he simply wants to be friends with his ex. As mentioned before, relationships can stem from great friendships. He may want to keep that friendship alive.
It’s best to talk to your boyfriend to find out whether he’s cheating. He might not be upfront about it, but you can still try to figure it out.
I would suggest resolving this through conversation with your boyfriend. I would not advise looking through his phone or drilling him with questions.
Should You Look at His Texts?
You absolutely should not look through your boyfriend’s phone. This would violate his privacy and could negatively impact the trust in your relationship.
I understand why you would want to find out more about him texting his ex, but that doesn’t mean you should snoop. There are other ways to find out this information in a more honest way.
It’s better to talk to your boyfriend about the situation so that the two of you can work through it together.
Some girls will justify looking through their boyfriend’s phone by saying their boyfriend is doing something wrong. Though this may be true, you shouldn’t go behind his back. You need to get his permission or simply discuss the whole situation with him.
How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About This
If you think that your boyfriend texting his ex is getting in the way of your relationship or causing trust issues, you do need to talk to him. It’s important to be open and honest with him. This is true even when it can be a tricky conversation.
I would suggest simply sitting down with him and telling him how you feel. If you have any evidence, you can bring this up. Do it lightly though so that he doesn’t feel like you are accusing him.
Let him know why you’re concerned. Try to focus on the fact that you love him and that’s why you care about this situation.
You should also make sure that you’re listening to him. A major part of communication is simply listening to what the other person has to say.
After the two of you work out the details of this situation, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries or rules. These aren’t to make your relationship controlled and no fun. They are to keep the trust strong.
You should come up with these rules together so that they’re fair. If one of you makes up all of these rules, somebody is going to be unhappy and feel like they are being bossed around.
You might make rules about being open with each other about who you’re talking to. There are lots of other rules that you might come up with. Just focus on fixing the problem and avoid seeming too controlling.
If your boyfriend is talking to his ex, this can be normal. It’s still important to be aware of his intentions. Try to look for warning signs, but try to give him the trust that he deserves. Avoid snooping or destroying any trust that the two of you may have.
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